My Personal Chef

I've finally made it in life. No, this isn't another blog about getting married. This is about reaching a certain status in life -- I've got a personal chef. Okay, technically speaking my chef is my brother-in-law Su but that doesn't take away from the fact that every time I come home at night, I've got a home cooked meal waiting for me.

You see, Su's dorm is about a five minute walk from my apartment. This means that Su has been hanging out at my place a lot. In return for showering/doing laundry/etc. at my apartment, Su has taken it upon himself to cook dinner for Huyen and me on a nightly basis. This is a win-win for everyone because:

A) Su's meals (which we reimburse him for) cost less than $5 to feed the three of us. This is definitely cheaper than the usual dinners Huyen and I go out for.
B) Su gets to feed himself food which is much healthier and more delicious than what he would eat at this dorm.
C) Su gets to practice his English with me almost every night.
D) It's good practice for when Huyen and I have a child and make him/her do all of our household chores.
E) Su looks great in the apron and chef's hat I make him wear.
F) I now only have to wash the dishes half the time because Huyen and I have a deal, "whoever doesn't cook, cleans." Now that she's not cooking, that means she has to wash dishes too!

I gotta say, everyone should have a personal chef!

Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due

Two days ago I made fun of government inefficiency. However, I need to give credit where credit is due: The USCIS and HCMC Consular Info offices have been incredibly efficient and helpful so far with the immigration process. I've actually been shocked how quickly the two offices have gotten back to me with helpful answers to my plethora of questions. I know the two offices are both quite busy, but they have definitely impressed me thus far. Fingers crossed that at the end of this process I'll continue to have plenty of good things to say about them!

6-12 Months

(PICTURE: "Yes, Mr. and Mrs. August your table will be ready in 6-12 months.")

In case the good news was lost in yesterday's annoyed post let me restate it today: The Embassy accepted my I-130 package. I'm not 100% sure this means I've qualified to apply from abroad but I'm sort of assuming it does since they took my money (Although they took Huyen's $150 last year to apply for a visa and then rejected her).

I had asked the embassy a few weeks ago how long the whole process will take and they said 6-12 months. This means:

Best Case Scenario: Huyen and I can arrive in America at the end of March/beginning of April.
Worst Case Scenario (AKA: The USCIS office is reading my blog scenario): Huyen and I can arrive in America at the end of next September.
Truly Worst Case Scenario: They reject us for whatever ridiculous reason and our 6-12 month count must start again from a later date.

My friend Steve went through immigration processing last year and he's been a great help to Huyen and me so far. When I told him the 6-12 month wait time he said a great line to me: "Maybe they're just trying to discourage people who have bad intentions, like a restaurant that says its an hour wait to be seated when it ends up being 10 min." Lets hope that this wait time ends up being much shorter than they told me. I would love for Huyen to be able to see some snow for the first time next March!

Government Inefficiency

Have you ever read an article about how the USA can't account for billions of dollars in Iraq? If not, here's the first one that came up when I googled, "Billions of dollars lost in Iraq."

It seems pretty mind-numbing and unexplainable when something like this can happen. Well, let me try and simplify it for you as politely as possible since I'm currently relying on the USA government to process Huyen's immigration paperwork.

Look at this notebook with empty folders:


Inside this notebook was my extremely organized I-130, petition for Alien Relative. I had spent hours putting together this notebook so it was as neat and organized as possible. Actually, I can't take all the credit since Huyen cut and glued all of the numbered tabs. The front of the notebook had a cover letter with a table of contents. Here's a small portion of the cover letter that talks about what is enclosed:

I have enclosed the following materials:

1. Completed I-130 Form
2. Completed G-325A Form for the Petitioner (4 copies)
3. Completed G-325A Form for the Beneficiary (4 copies)
4. Passport photo (4X6cm) of the Petitioner
5. Passport photo (4X6cm) of the Beneficiary
6. Copy of U.S. Passport of the Petitioner
7. Copy of all Vietnam entries & exits stamps on U.S. Passport
8. Copy of the Birth Certificate of the Petitioner
9. Copy of the Birth Certificate of the Beneficiary (with translation)
10. Copy of Marriage Certificate (with translation)
11. Employment Verification for the Petitioner
12. Employment Verification for the Beneficiary
13. Copy of Work Permit (with and without Vietnamese notary stamp)
14. Copy of Business Visas
15. Statement from petitioner stating that I will be on the airplane to go back to the US with the beneficiary once immigrant visa has been issued
16. Petitioner’s email address

Supplementary Supporting Documents:

A. Copy of registration form issued by the police station maintaining jurisdiction over Petitioner’s apartment (with translation)

B. Most recent US tax return and W-2 forms (2009 & 2008 copies included)

C. Copy of FBI Background Check (needed for my Vietnamese work permit)

D. Copy of TESOL Certification from HCMC

All in all there were about 200 pages of documents and forms.

Feeling confident about my petition, I went to the US Embassy this morning (I am writing this on 9/23 but it won't post for a couple of days). I approached the Citizen Services window and rang the bell for service. A Vietnamese woman came to the window and asked what I needed. I told her I wanted to file my I-130 package. She told me to pass the package through the small opening in the thick glass window and I did. She looked at the notebook for a second and then asked if I had a Service Number. I didn't. Frankly, I didn't see where to get a number when I walked in and there was only one other American there who was just sitting on a chair not doing anything. Anyway, I need a number and had to leave the window (picture yourself going to the deli counter and there being only one person nearby and the butcher not doing anything yet telling you to take a number...that's sort of what it was like).

I should have known it was going to turn into an annoying morning when all of a sudden the power went out. Yes, even the embassy apparently loses power from time to time. The power came on about thirty seconds later but it took another ten minutes to get a number since the machine had to be rebooted and then refilled with paper. Anyway, I'm getting off topic...

So I go back to the window and before I hit the service button, I see the woman showing my notebook to a few other workers. They must have found 200 pages of documents hilarious because all three girls were laughing at my notebook. I think at this point I let out a deep sigh and rang the bell. The girl came back to the window and I believe this was the conversation:
GIRL: Sir your notebook is very organized but we can't accept it. You need to give us the petition with just paper.
ME: So you want me to remove all the papers?
GIRL: Yes. We only accept it as a stack of papers.
ME: Really? It seem like that wouldn't be very organized and the papers might get out of order.
GIRL: I asked two of my coworkers and they said it must be only paper.
ME: Are you sure?
GIRL: Let me just check with the USCIS office in HCMC.
(NOTE: The USCIS office is the United States Citizens and Immigration Services office.)
(NOTE 2: The girl walked away for about twenty seconds and then came back. I never saw her get on the phone)
GIRL: Yes, the USCIS office says they can only take a stack of papers. Please take them out of the notebook. You can right the numbers on the documents with this.
(NOTE: The girl handed me little post it notes. It was at this point that my pretty transparent face started to say, "Are you f-ing kidding me?". I tried to hide my emotions but the girl clearly knew I was not happy.)

So I took my notebook and sat down and proceeded to take out all the paperwork and make a stack of papers. I attached post it notes to the top right corners of everything and numbered them just like I had already done in my notebook. I then went back to the window and gave the girl the stack of papers.

GIRL: Okay, do you have your business visas in here?
BEN: Yes.
GIRL: Okay, where are they?
BEN: They were in section 14.

The girl then rifled through the papers, making a little mess of everything until she found my business visas.

GIRL: Do you have a copy of your passport?
BEN: Yes.
GIRL: Where is it?
BEN: It was in section 6.

The girl then rifled through the papers some more until she found the passport. She then said it had to be notarized by the embassy (this was the first I had ever heard of this as it wasn't written in any of the forms the embassy had previously given me or put on their website). Next she told me to go pay in the next room.

I went to the next room and was greeted by another worker. That worker had my application with a rubber band around it. That made me feel a little better although a rubber band isn't exactly a notebook with a table of contents and 17 tabs. The girl then asked me:

GIRL 2: Do you work here?
BEN: Yes. My work permit and contacts are in the packet.
GIRL 2: But you have never registered yourself with the embassy?
BEN: No I don't think I have although I have been to this office about five times before and nobody told me I should register.

DEEP BREATHS.... Anyway, I paid the $355 fee and was told the USCIS office in HCMC would get in touch with me. I can only assume they'll be getting in touch with me to say that some forms/documents/pictures are missing from my application.

Farmer's Daughter!

(PICTURE: I should have picked up one of these translators ages ago.)

In order to submit the I-130 package to the United States Immigration office, I have needed to get many documents translated. It's been really interesting to read the translated version of some of Huyen's and my documents. My favorite thing so far has been Huyen's birth certificate which lists her parents' occupations as "Farmers." You know what that means: I married the farmer's daughter!

The day after getting our marriage license, I went to the translation office to have it translated since the license was the final document we needed to begin immigration. I showed up at the office before it was open and had to wait a few minutes for some of the staff. Finally someone showed up and took me into the office where it didn't take me long to realize that NOBODY SPOKE ENGLISH! Sure, the translator was not one of the people I talked to but you would have thought that the people working in that office would have picked up a couple of words of English here and there. That said, you would have thought I'd have picked up a lot more Vietnamese than I have. Touche, Ben. Touche.

11,471

(PICTURE: This about sums things up. My back is hurting already.)

After getting our marriage license, I was finally able to fill in all the missing sections of our I-130 packet for US Immigration (Step 1 for Huyen getting her green card). For the first time in my life, I checked "Married" on an application. This got me thinking: How many days had I been "Single"?

I typed into google, "How many days have I been living" and there was a link to a Days Alive Calculator. After punching in my birthday, I learned that I'd been alive for 11,474 days. Since I did this search on Day #3 of marriage, that meant I had been single for 11,471 days. Not a bad run!

We're Married!!!!!...Legally.

It's official: Huyen and I are legally married! After months of dealing with the Ha Nam justice department, we've finally gotten our marriage license.

Fittingly, the closest I came to snapping was on the afternoon of the 20th. For the 100th time, I asked Huyen to call the Ha Nam office and ask them what the delay was since they were legally a month over the time limit to process our marriage paperwork. While on the phone with Huyen, I almost lost it telling her to demand an answer from the office. Two minutes later Huyen called me back and said, "I canceled our marriage." I naturally said, "Thank god. I knew this was a huge mistake," and then she happily said, "Kidding! Our license is ready!".

The next afternoon we drove to Ha Nam and had our very romantic legal ceremony. Basically we were brought up to a conference room and the guy who interviewed us stood in front of us and talked a lot in Vietnamese. When he finished speaking Huyen said, "He wants to know if you still want to get married." I smiled -- not knowing if Huyen was tricking me into something dastardly since I couldn't understand a word the guy said except my name -- and replied that I did. The man then had us sign two copies of the wedding license and then put our names into the Ha Nam wedding registry.

After we took our first wedding picture with the man who married us (see top picture). Some people say that marriage is like a prison. Well, my first wedding photo sure felt like a mug shot.

As I've written on here in the past, getting the license was a formality for us to begin immigration processing to the United States. Huyen and I consider our actually wedding to be 12/19 when we celebrate at her family's house.

Plastic Glove

(PICTURE: Would you like a glove with your Coke?)

This story just happened to me and it is disgusting, odd and downright unexplainable.

Huyen and I were sitting outside, under an overhang, eating dinner. I had just finished my last bite of grilled buffalo and had saved a sip of coke to wash it down with. As I lifted the glass of Coke to my lips, something landed right on the rim of the glass. I moved the glass away from my face and saw a plastic glove. How the glove got there was a mystery. I immediately looked up but there was the overhang above us. I looked around me, but nobody seemed to be in possession of any gloves or have the motive to throw one at me. As I looked around in confusion I thought that maybe it was the wind. However, there wasn't even a lick of a breeze. This is one of those things in life that just doesn't have an answer.

I've eaten a lot of weird things in my life but nearly putting a used plastic glove into my mouth would have topped them all.

Trivia Question: What is this?

Trivia Question: What is this thing that I'm cleaning?


A) A medieval torture device commonly referred to as "The Rack"

B) A Vietnamese sled for the rare Sapa snowfall

C) Su's dorm room mattress

The Answer: C

They Grow Up So Fast

It seems like just last week that Huyen's brother Su was sharing a bed with me. Okay, it was actually last week. For about a week before Su began university, he was back at my place co-starring in my personal version of "Perfect Strangers." The last time Su stayed at my house, Huyen and Su shared a bed while I slept on the floor. We tried this arrangement for one night but I woke up the next morning with a bunch of mosquito bites on my feet (those bastards never show their face until I'm sleeping without a mosquito net!). Fearing Dengue, I told Su and Huyen that for now on the three of us would share my bed. Anyway, once I reclaimed eight inches on my bed the three of us began to reenact our own version of "Three's Company." Okay, enough of the old sitcom references.

After a few days of cohabitation, Su was admitted into his university's dorm. In a case of perfect timing, Su had to return to Ha Nam the day he was scheduled to move in. This meant that Huyen, Huong and I got to move Su into his dorm...sans Su. I can assure you that I was the only non-Vietnamese person in the dorm that day. I got plenty of stares and one brave freshman even asked me, "Are you studying at Transportation University?" As much as I would love to go back to university, there's no chance in hell I would be willing to stay in this dorm:


(PICTURE: Huyen cleaning Su's bed. Huong checking out the other freshmen.)

Poison Peanuts

At every bia hoi, there are plates or packs of peanuts on the tables. I love peanuts so this is always one of my favorite things about going to bia hois. There's something especially fun about breaking open peanut shells and throwing them on the floor.

As I mentioned in the last blog, on Saturday night my friends and I went to a bia hoi. While eating and drinking we went through about eight plates of peanuts. On about the third plate, after I cracked open the shell, I started to notice that some of the peanuts had a stem of sorts attached to the nut. This seemed odd to me so I would toss those peanuts on the ground. However, once or twice I would eat a peanut that had only a small "stem" that I could knock off with my finger.

Well, about halfway through dinner, our friend Minh showed up. He saw me opening up a shell and immediately noticed a peanut with a stem. Minh's English is not good but he did manage to say, "No eat. Bad for health. Poison." I said, "Poison?" Minh said, "Yes. Poison. Bad for health."

Needless to say, I stopped eating any peanut that looked like it even remotely could have a stem. However, the fact that I had eaten a couple already totally bugged me out and made me extremely paranoid. It is for this reason that I'm pretty sure I woke up wide awake at 2:30 AM after having bizarre nightmares. So lesson learned: Do Not Eat Peanuts With Weird Looking Stems Attached To The Nut!

Bring Your Kid To the Bar Day

Here's something that I don't like about Vietnam: Lots of people bring their little kids to the bars with them.

Last night after frisbee, my guy friends and I went to a bia hoi for some food and drinks. At the table next to us was a group of six guys. Three of the guys had brought their little children with them. Sure, I respect father and son/daughter bonding but definitely not in this atmosphere. The kids were sitting at the table watching their dads pound beers and take shots of vodka. Call it a cultural difference but I was pretty appalled.

As I was watching the fathers and sons, I started to think about this blog and how I was gonna trounce some Vietnamese men for their behavior. Just then though, a couple walked into the bia hoi and met up with two other couples. The new couple brought with them an infant baby.

Here are the problems I have with this:
1. Bia hois are smokey and clearly not good for a young child's (or my) lungs.
2. Seeing your parents get wasted is just not good parenting (the woman didn't drink beer but her husband sure did).
3. Everyone arrives and departs the bia hoi on their motorbike. Drinking and driving is stupid to begin with; doing it with your children in tow is just mind boggling.

It's actions like this that lead to that ridiculous story this year of the Filipino infant who is addicted to cigarettes:



Now I'm sure this post will anger some readers who have accused me of being anti-Vietnam. However, there are stupid people everywhere in the world. In the USA, some fathers bring their children to professional sporting events and think it's a good idea to kick back and enjoy some beers/booze while the kid has a couple of cokes. I remember seeing this as a kid and feeling my father judging these other dads. Frankly, if I had a blog in America when I was younger I would have ripped those Americans too.

The point is, drink with your friends and not with your kids.

Wedding Suit

(PICTURE: Getting measured up for my suit)

Yesterday I wrote about my shoe dilemma for the big "I do" day. After writing that post I realized that I never mentioned on my blog about my wedding suit. Well, I've already gotten my wedding suit.

About a month or so ago, Huyen and I went to the fabric market and bought some nice Italian cloth for a suit. I decided to go with an all black suit since: a) Men usually wear black at weddings in America b) I don't already own a black suit. After getting the fabric (which cost about $60), we went to the best known tailor in Hanoi. After waking up all the staff (it was 1:45 and apparently they sleep there until 2PM every day after lunch) I got measured for my suit. One week later, I went back to the shop and tried on the suit which was a perfect fit. Now I've got to make sure I don't gain any weight from now till December 19th.

One Size Fits All

(PICTURE: Shoe street in the Old Quarter.)

I don't exactly have wedding quality dress shoes here in Vietnam. I've basically been wearing the same black loafers since I bought them in 2000. Yes, ten years ago. The shoes are still in great shape since I never had to get dressed up for work in LA and I only wear them occasionally to teach in Hanoi. With the wedding coming up, I've got three options:
1. Wear the shoes I already have.
2. Buy new shoes.
3. Have my mom bring my nicer pair of dress shoes from NJ.

At first I thought I would go with option three. However, I don't really want my parents lugging shoes halfway around the world especially since it means bringing more things back with me when Huyen and I eventually go to America. Crossing off the third option, I started to look for new shoes in Hanoi.

Hanoi has no shortage of nice shoe stores. In fact, besides dress shoe street, there are probably at least a hundred other shoe shops and street vendors selling nice looking shoes. The problem is that my feet are too big, even though by American standards I don't really have big feet. I'm a sign 10.5 in America and generally wear "wide" dress shoes. This presents two issues:
A) Vietnamese don't have wide feet
B) The largest pair of Vietnamese dress shoes I can find are probably around a size 9.

In theory I could squeeze into a pair of these shoes but I think I'd rather wear my old trustworthy shoes and be comfortable rather than end my wedding day with a wife and a set of blisters.

This is all a long winded way of pointing out something I've been thinking about recently: In America, stores have to stock a wide variety of sizes to fit all potential customers. Here, stores only need to carry a small range of sizes to fit 99% of their customers.

Bad Luck: The Finale

(PICTURE: Jed and me enjoying the Tam Dao waterfall.)

Four blogs ago, I mentioned that one of the reasons we were going to Tam Dao was because there is a very nice pool on top of the mountain. After a few hours on a motorbike, there is nothing quite as sweet as going for a dip.

Huyen and I had called the nicest hotel in Tam Dao a few days earlier to ask the price. Huyen asked if she should make a reservation and I said it wasn't necessary. You see, the last time we went to Tam Dao it was dead quiet. We had actually gone to the nicest hotel and it was almost completely empty. This experience had me thinking that we could just pull up to the hotel and get a room. Had I known that our luck was going to be horrendous, I surely would have made a reservation. Well, of course upon arrival the hotel only had one room available. This wasn't too big of a deal since Huyen and I were fine staying across the street. We told Jed and Lena that they could have the room and we would just pay the hotel money to use the pool. The problem though was that the room wasn't going to be available for about two hours. In that time, Huyen and I checked into our hotel and then came back to the nice one to have lunch.

As we walked into the restaurant, I noticed a rare sight in Vietnam-- a mentally challenged person. Over the course of my time out here, I've only seen a couple mentally challenged people. In America, it is normal to see people with mental disabilities out in public. Here for whatever reason, it's just not that common.

Anyway, Jed, Lena, Huyen and I sat at a table and began to peruse the menu. After a minute or so, Huyen and Lena headed to the bathroom to wash up. Jed and I sat at the table facing each other, my back to the pool on the floor below us. Just as we began to relax, I heard a noise that sounded like a garden hose was filling up the pool. I quickly turned around and saw that the mentally challenged guy was standing next to the pool, taking a leak into it. After three hours of motorbike breakdowns, being pulled over by the police and two accidents, this was the cherry on top. I blurted out, "Are you serious? Jed, check this out." Jed got up from his seat and looked out the window behind me. As we both stared at this man taking a long pee, three Vietnamese guests at the pool began to shout, "No! No! No!" The man, god bless his soul, didn't have a clue he was doing anything in the least bit wrong. Jed and I just smiled at each other knowing that our luck could not be any worse. Just then Lena and Huyen walked up and we told them to look at the pool. By then the man had finished peeing but a large amount of bubbles were floating at the top of the water. Needless to say, nobody wanted to swim after that (I'm not so naive to think that every pool I've ever swam in has been piss-free. In fact, I'm sure I've never swam in a pool that didn't have a significant amount of urine mixed in with the water. However, there's something disturbing about someone pissing into a pool like a toilet, and not when they are themselves immersed in it).

After lunch, Jed and Lena were able to check into their room. However, the room turned out to be a shithole with no mosquito net. Fearing Dengue Fever, Jed and Lena decided to check into the hotel Huyen and I were staying in. After throwing down our bags, we changed into our bathing suits and walked down to the famous Tam Dao waterfall. Of course the waterfall which last time I went to had only had a few people at it, was jam packed. The four of us camped out on some rocks until there was a window of opportunity to get under the water. The girls decided to pass on getting wet so just Jed and I went under the fall. Frankly, the cold water was the perfect anecdote for probably my worst morning ever in Vietnam.

Bad Luck: Part 3

(PICTURE: Perhaps the flattest part on the road to Tam Dao.)

With the wounded on the back of our motorbikes, we continued to Tam Dao. After one wrong turn that cost us a few minutes, we were at the base of Tam Dao mountain. The road from the bottom of the mountain to the top is 14 kilometers (8.7 miles). This presented two problems:
1. My gas tank was showing that it was nearly empty and there were no stations around.
2. Huyen and Lena were on Huyen's sister's old bike which isn't exactly powerful. We had had the bike fixed a few days earlier but it still wasn't running like my Honda Wave.

Well, we started up the mountain and it quickly became apparent that Huyen and Lena's bike couldn't keep up with the one that Jed and I were on. Slowly but surely the two girls kept disappearing around the mountain bends. After waiting for them a few times, I decided I couldn't keep stopping because I would run out of gas. The thought of pushing the bike up the mountain was the last thing I wanted to do after a day consisting of one blown tire, bribing cops and two accidents. Once we were about halfway up the mountain I decided to just put the pedal to the metal and get to the top as fast as possible (although perhaps this is also the best way to burn gas). Jed and I got to the top of the mountain and parked the bike. After waiting for about fifteen minutes my phone rang. Huyen was on the other end and she sounded a little bit peeved, "Where are you?!" I told her I was at the top of the mountain and she said that they were still 7 kilometers away because their bike broke down. Apparently they had been pushing the bike up the mountain for the last few minutes while trying to call me. I offered to drive back down the mountain but Huyen told me it wouldn't be necessary. She said some guy had just pulled up next to them and was trying to fix their bike. Well, the guy did fix their bike which would make it seem like our luck had changed...but perhaps the worst was about to come!!!!

Bad Luck: Part 2

(PICTURE: Jed and Lena at the pharmacy.)

...once we were back on the road, I started to have second thoughts about letting Jed keep driving. I had a familiar feeling in my stomach that was reminiscent of when my buddy PJ crashed twice in Sapa. I kept looking in my side-view mirrors to make sure Jed was okay. He actually looked very comfortable on the bike and seemed to be having no problems.

We continued on the way to Tam Dao using the back roads. It is a very quick trip on the highway but the highway is no place for a first time driver. Plus, the back roads are much prettier and give you a taste of non-city life. At some point there was a fork in the road and Huyen and I began discussing which way to go. As we did this I also glanced into my mirror to make sure Jed was okay. Well, while doing all of that I failed to notice a red light. The cop around the corner though didn't fail to notice me running the light and stepped into the road to pull me over. Jed, following me, blazed through the red light too and much to the cop's delight pulled up right next to me on the curb. Once again, Huyen performed her role as Damage Control coordinator and worked her magic. We got off by paying the cop 150,000 VND or $7.50. The guy who ran the red a minute after us wasn't so lucky as the cops began putting his bike on a tow truck as we were leaving.

Moments after we were back on the road, we came to a four-way intersection. Our way had a red light so Huyen and I pulled up to the corner to ask a man for directions. While the man told us how to go, our light turned green. Following the man's instructions we went straight through the intersection. Well, right after taking off, our light went from green to yellow. I looked into my side view mirror and saw that Jed was stalled-out and trying to switch gears. I figured Jed wouldn't go through the intersection and began to pull over to wait for him. Just then I turned back and saw him blazing through the light just as it was turning red. I have this great visual of him smiling from ear to ear as traffic started to come at him. I turned back to face the road when all of a sudden I heard BAMMMMMMM!...quickly followed by Huyen screaming, "Stop! Stop!"

Before I could even put the kick-stand down, Huyen was sprinting towards Jed and Lena who were laying under the bike on the road. A few street-side vendors started making their way to them as Lena got out from under the bike and lifted it off of Jed (You know those stories of people getting adrenaline and lifting cars? Well, Lena did it with a motorbike). Jed and Lena were both shaken up and clearly in a little state of shock. Huyen walked them over to our bike while I collected the other bike from the ground. When I joined the three of them, I got my first sight of their wounds. Jed had a significant scrape on his elbow while Lena had a cut-up palm and a scraped knee. Understandably both of them were very worried about infection and we did our best to assure them they would be alright. I told them we'd go immediately to a pharmacy and get them cleaned up. After driving for five minutes, we found a local pharmacy. I asked the shop owner if Jed and Lena could wash off in their house and he showed them to his bathroom.

Once Jed and Lena washed their wounds, the pharmacist cleaned their cuts with alcohol and some creams. He then wrapped their scrapes with gauze and tape. This marked the end of Jed's driving experience...but not the end of our bad luck...

Bad Luck: Part 1

(PICTURE: Jed's first taste of Vietnamese traffic.)

My friends Jed and Lena (last seen on the blog in the Summer of 2009 when I attended their wedding) came to visit Huyen and me in Hanoi this past week. It was great showing them around the city despite a horrible string of bad luck on a motorbike trip we took together. Here's the story:

Huyen took Saturday off so that we could show Jed and Lena some of the Vietnamese countryside. Ideally we would have gone to Mai Chau but it's just too much of a drive for a weekend. Instead we went to Tam Dao, the former French hillside resort about two hours from Hanoi. Huyen and I went to Tam Dao a couple of years ago and really enjoyed it. Besides being a nice drive, there's a decent hotel there with a really nice pool overlooking the valley below. I told this to Jed and Lena and they were game.

We headed out at 9AM on Saturday morning. After nearly being pulled over by the police for going straight in the turn lane (I just kept driving and didn't pull over as I pretended to be slightly confused) I felt pretty good about our luck. We drove a couple of minutes more and passed a large funeral. Apparently Huyen told Lena at that point that seeing a funeral was good luck. Well, not so much since moments later my tire blew. This was only my second flat tire in 9 months and should have been a sign to cancel the trip. Instead we persevered! Huyen and I went to repair the motorbike as Jed and Lena waited on the side of the road. Fifteen minutes later we had a new inner tube and were back on our way to Tam Dao.

I had told Jed the day before that if he wanted to drive, he could give it a shot when we were out of the craziness of the city. Once we had gotten on a somewhat country-ish road, I asked Jed if he still wanted to drive. He gave me the affirmative and I pulled over. When Jed and I told Lena the plan she seemed pretty skeptical. Jed convinced her it was no problem and gave riding a quick dry run. Jed said he felt comfortable on the bike so Lena hopped on the back and we hit the road again.

A few minutes later, the traffic on the road seemed to pick up a little. Up ahead of us was a pick up truck surrounded by farmers who were loading bottle gourds into the back. Approaching us at the same time was a decently large truck. I had plenty of time and space to pass the farmers' truck and did so. Seconds later Huyen started yelling, "Stop! Stop!" I immediately pulled over and turned around to see Jed and Lena half fallen off their bike and a farmer rubbing his foot. Huyen sprinted over to them to see if they were okay and to work damage control. Basically Jed ran over one of the farmer's foot. The farmer saw that Jed was a foreigner and told him to leave. Luckily, minus some pain and a scratch, the farmer seemed to be fine.

We brought the bike over to my parked one and had a little huddle. Lena suggested that Jed let Huyen and I drive but he was still feeling confident. Perhaps I should have put my foot down here but I didn't...and that's the story for tomorrow...

Being A Celebrity In Vietnam...

Being a celebrity in Vietnam isn't easy. Unlike American TV stars, I didn't get my own dressing room. In fact, Nicky and I had to change our clothes in the airport bathroom:


(PICTURE: The guys peeing at the urinal around the corner were a little confused why we were taking pictures in the bathroom.)

Then, the make-up artist apparently only had time to do one of our make-up. Nicky was the lucky guy and I couldn't be more jealous. Sure, I've got a great complexion but I don't want to look shiny on TV.


(PICTURE: Nicky getting ready to look magical.)

I'm A TV Star!!!!

(PICTURE: The script and me at Noi Bai Airport.)

My big break finally came!!! I'm gonna be on a Vietnamese sitcom called, "The End of The Rainbow." The show -- which I had never heard of before -- will be airing on VTV3 (date and time to be announced on a future blog when I find out).

As many of my friends know from my acting premiere on Fox's "On The Lot", I'm quite an amazing actor. If you'd like to see my TV debut you can check it out on here. Admittedly I'm a terrible actor and only come across as half decent because of my buddy Sam's amazing direction.

As challenging as my last role was, my newest role was by far my hardest. On the sitcom I play an Australian businessman named Mr. Han. I'm pretty sure Han is not a native Australian name so I can only assume I'm a Dutch-Australian and perhaps even one of the bad guys from the original Die Hard.

So you're probably asking yourself, "Ben, how did you get on a Vietnamese sitcom?" Fair question. Well, my buddy Nicky has recently befriended a Vietnamese actress. Long story short, Nicky calls me one night and says, "Hey, this show need foreigners to shoot tomorrow morning. Can you do it?" Being on Vietnamese TV has been a secret dream of mine for two years now so I cleared my schedule and told Nicky I was in.

The next morning I showed up at the "production office" at 8AM. I waited there for a solid two hours before we went to set. So, yeah, Vietnamese TV is just like American TV -- the talent has to wait for hours before they're needed. The production van (a taxi) took us to the set which happened to be Noi Bai Airport. As we set up shop in the airport I thought to myself, "No chance a production crew like this could ever film at Los Angeles airport without serious permits." Nobody even asked me for an ID.

(PICTURE: My lines...which apparently got severely shortened in translation.)

About ten minutes before we were supposed to start shooting, I was handed a script. Naturally I was a little surprised when the script -- and more specifically MY LINES -- were in Vietnamese. I casually said to Nicky's friend, "Um, I'm not so great at Vietnamese." She told me to practice as if I hadn't been practicing (and failing) for 2.5 years. Luckily, right before we started shooting the director told us that we could say our lines in English. Well, let me just say I gave one hell of a performance. Here were my lines:

MR. HAN: Nice to meet you, I'm Mr. Han.
....
MR. HAN: We've been waiting for thirty minutes. You wasted our time.

We were scheduled to film a second scene today. However, the shoot got pushed back to an indefinite date. I can only assume that they've decided to rewrite the script and wrote out our characters.

Carl's Jr/Vietnam Conspiracy

For two years now something has been bothering me. Has anyone else ever noticed how much the Carl's Jr. logo and the Vietnamese flag look alike?




Maybe it's because I lived up the street from a Carl's Jr. in LA that this thought always pops into my head:
1. Both flags are five pointed stars
2. The color scheme is basically the exact same: yellow and red.
3. The smiley face in the Carl's Jr. flag is almost identical to the cartoonish Vietnamese propaganda posters all over this country. Like this one:

I'm not sure what the conspiracy theory is but just be mindful next time you bite into a Carl's Jr. burger.

Motorbike Shops

(PICTURE: Huyen's sister's bike getting fixed-up at the shop.)

All over Vietnam are motorbike shops. Near our house we have our local guy who we always bring our bikes to whether we need air in the tires or something more substantial done to our bikes. This past week my friend Jed and his wife Lena have been visiting so before they came we took our bikes to the shop to get fixed-up.

First off, I should say that I'm using the term "our" bikes very loosely. Currently we have two bikes: Huyen's and Huyen's sister's bike. Huyen's sister's bike is her spare bike and has seen its better days. When we dropped the bike off at the shop, we told our repair guy to look over the bike and to specifically fix the brakes and signal lights. When we came back a couple of hours later, the bike was half apart. One of the repair guys was basically blow torching the brakes while another was rewiring everything under, what could only be called, "the hood." As far as Huyen's bike, we just needed a few little repairs on it like putting in a new left turn signal.

Overall we had a few new lights put in, got new brakes, had some things tightened and also had air put in the tires. The total cost -- including labor -- was 350,000 VND or roughly $17.50. The repair guy worked on our bike for at least an hour. Can you imagine going to a car shop in America and getting new brakes and new lights for anything less than $1,000? I'm having specific flashbacks to my Jeep Grand Cherokee and having to replace the brakes in 2005 for a solid grand. Put this on the list of things I'm gonna miss about Vietnam.

Trivia Question: What country's flag has an AK-47 on it?

Trivia Question: What country's flag has an AK-47 on it?

Take a moment to think about it....

....keep thinking....

...seriously, there really is a country that has an AK-47 pictured on its flag...

...give up?....

...here's the flag....


...still can't figure it out, right?...

The answer is...

Mozambique.

Yes, Mozambique's national flag has a picture of an AK-47 on it. According to wikipedia the Kalashnikov assault rifle's image on the flag is supposed to symbolize the nation's struggle for independence.

So what does this have to do with Hanoi? Well, since Hanoi is the capital of the country lots of heads of nations come here to meet with the government. Whenever a foreign dignitary comes to town, the city drapes the country's flag on every lamp post near Ho Chi Minh's Mausoleum and the Prime Minister's house. The other day I was driving in that neighborhood and saw dozens of flags with an AK-47 on them. I was immediately confused thinking that no country would have an AK-47 on their flag. Clearly I was wrong.

According to Wikipedia, Mozambique had a national contest in 2005 to change the flag and get rid of the AK-47. I guess nobody won the contest because it is definitely still very much part of the flag. I'm not a PR guy by any means, but personally I don't want to visit any country with an AK-47 on their flag.

The Last Man Standing

(PICTURE: The stars of the "Pretty Woman" remake.)

I can't tell you how many times my father has said to me over the years, "You and Jeremy are the only two Livingston guys who aren't married or engaged." Usually he followed that up with some comment about our noses or some sly remark that there is something wrong with us (besides our huge noses). Well, after Huyen and I got engaged, Jeremy was the last man standing. However, he's now jumped ship too...

Jeremy recently proposed to Allie while doing his best Richard Gere impersonation. You see, "Pretty Woman" is Allie's favorite movie and always cries at the end proposal. So Jeremy arraigned to give Allie her own Hollywood movie proposal. Jeremy hired a white stretch limo and pulled up outside of a restaurant where Allie was waiting on the second floor. Allie saw Jeremy from the second floor window and Jeremy began his re-enactment of the famous scene. No, he didn't climb the fire escape but used the inside stairs. Anyway, Allie said yes which means my father has to find something new to make fun of us for.

I can honestly say that I've never seen Jeremy as happy as he is when he's with Allie. The two of them are definitely a perfect match and I can't wait to celebrate with them next November 19th!

The Next Generation of Red Heads

(PICTURE: Brett and Rina, two peas in a pod.)

A few weeks ago, my buddy Brett surprised his girlfriend Rina with twelve dozen roses and a diamond ring in their apartment. After Rina said yes, Brett finished his romantic proposal by booking them a room and a table at the hotel where they had their first date. At dinner, Brett had arrainged for both his and Rina's parents to be waiting to help celebrate. It was a great day for a great couple.

Sometimes you meet a couple and you say to yourself, "Yeah, they make sense together." I've been abroad for Brett's whole relationship with Rina but on the few chances I've gotten to meet her, they seem like a perfect fit for each other. I have no doubt they're gonna have an amazing life together.

Congratulations, Brett and Rina!!!! I can't wait to have my kids play with your red-headed children in a few years!

The Lord of The Rings

Our rings are finished!!!...although there was of course a little drama.

When Huyen and I went to pick up our rings, mine didn't fit. Shockingly, despite measuring my finger, the shop made my ring two millimeters smaller than they said they would. However, the shop worker told us it was no big deal and that they could fix the ring by the next day.

We picked up our rings twenty four hours later and they both fit like a charm. We then had the rings inscribed. After much thought, we decided to go with: "You always make me smile" and the date of our wedding. Whenever I've told anyone about Huyen, I've always said, "She always makes me smile." For both of us, this seemed like the essential fact of our relationship -- when we're together we're always smiling and laughing.

(PICTURE: The inscription machine.)

The Super Superfood

(PICTURE: Two of the six seeds that Huyen and I ate.)

My cousin's girlfriend Kim recently told Huyen and I that durian fruit is now considered to be the ultimate "super food" in America. She told us that in Chicago, one durian seed goes for about $20 (there are usually 4 or more seeds per durian). Hearing that, Huyen and I have since decided we need to eat more durian while we can still get it cheap.

Recently I was a bit under the weather so Huyen bought me a huge durian to speed up my recovery process (although I know she really bought it because it is her favorite food). I devoured the durian and waited for its super powers to cure what ailed me. In the end, the durian was delicious (albeit smelly) but didn't put a dent into my flu. Despite eating three seeds, I was still sick for another four days.

English Language Books

English text books is a huge industry. There are countless different books for all age levels, skills and jobs. Some of the books are horrible and others are excellent. Personally, I appreciate the books that have some subtle jokes that only native English speakers would really pick up on. However, the other day I was using a text that had a hilarious joke that seemingly anyone who keeps up with current events could have found funny.

If you follow the news, you would know that some Islamic people don't consider it cool to draw pictures of their Prophet Mohammad. In recent years, a few cartoonists have been threatened with death because of their drawings. The controversy has been in America too, most recently with South Park's 200th episode which Comedy Central won't allow to be streamed online. Anyway, check out example #18 from my text book below:



I think it's pretty genius to dress up Mohammad in a costume as a way to draw him in a published book. I'm extremely confident that this isn't just a coincidence even though the book was published in 1999. For one thing, the name Mohammad isn't exactly common in an English text book. Most of the names are more like Alice, Jill, Mary, Alex and Bob. Secondly the book isn't exactly filled with cartoons. I feel like there had to be some serious thought to this going into the book.

The point is, there's some funny stuff in text books.

Happy Birthday General Giap!

(PICTURE: Time's cover illustration of General Giap.)

General Giap, the military genius who defeated both the French and the Americans, turned 100 last week. Reports are that General Giap is not in good health and one famous Vietnamese fortune teller has prophesied that Giap will pass away during the 1,000th anniversary of Hanoi this October.

Here's an article from Thanh Nien News:

Leaders and high-ranking officials have come together to celebrate the 100th birthday of Vo Nguyen Giap, the architect of the epic military victories over the French colonialism and American Imperialism.

Giap, a celebrated military genius, turned 100 on Wednesday (August 25).

Prime Minister Nguyen Tan Dung visited the General at the Army Medical Institute 108 Tuesday, where he is currently hospitalized. During the meeting, PM Dung expressed a great appreciation for Giap’s precious contributions to the country.

President Nguyen Minh Triet, who was visiting Laos at the time, also sent a congratulation letter to the General. Throughout the day, prominent figures in the party and government sent Giap gifts and fond wishes.

Born in the north-central province of Quang Binh, the General amazed the world with his victory over a French garrison in the northern province of Dien Bien Phu. The triumph effectively ended French Colonial.

“In defeating the French at Dien Bien Phu, he [Giap] heralded the end of imperialism,” Time Asia wrote in a 2006 article that honored Giap as one of the continent’s greatest heroes.

The victory is said to have “struck down the myth of Western invincibility” and represented the first time an Asian resistance movement triumphed against a colonial army in a conventional combat.

Fourteen years after Dien Bien Phu, the General masterminded the Mau Than Campaign, also known as the Tet Offensive of 1968, which was considered the turning point in the Vietnam War.

Having orchestrated two historic victories, Giap’s leadership has been heralded tacticians by international experts and historians alike.

Jeremy Black, a Professor of History at the University of Exeter includes Giap among the 59 greatest military leaders of the past 1,500 years. In 2008, Black celebrated Giap in his book, Great military leaders and their campaigns.

Of all the leaders portrayed in the book, Giap is the only one who is still alive.

‘Great cultural activist’

Giap, who once worked as a journalist, teacher, and historian, has also played an important role in rebuilding Vietnam’s education system.

Nguyen Ngoc Thanh, former assistant to the General during his tenure as Deputy Prime Minister (from 1976-1991) said that, at first, many scientists and scholars doubted Giap’s leadership in matters not pertaining to the military.

However, five years after he was charged with rebuilding the nation’s scientific and education sectors, leading scholars came to recognize Giap’s versatility, Thanh said.

According to Phan Huy Le, chairman of Vietnamese Historical Scientist Association, Giap played a key role in the preservation of the Thang Long Royal Citadel, which was first discovered in late 2002 and recently named a World Heritage Site by UNESCO.

Le also expressed his great admiration for Giap’s writing, saying that “his books are the liveliest records of recent history.”

According to Le, the association will publish a book titled Dai tuong Tong tu lenh Vo Nguyen Giap voi Su hoc Viet Nam (General Vo Nguyen Giap and Vietnamese history), which will include articles by the General.

“General Giap is a national hero and great cultural activist,” Le noted in his article about Giap recently published in the news website VietNamNet.

Traditional Outfit

Girls aren't the only ones who get to wear traditional Vietnamese outfits in wedding photos:


(PICTURE: I think on the photo day I get to wear some kind of pants under the outfit.)