Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Underwear


One thing I always get a kick out of is when a student (or me) says the word "underwear." Inevitably this compound word always gets a round of laughs by ever single Vietnamese adult in the room. This word, more than any other, never fails to bring out Vietnamese immaturity. I once even had a student ask me, when playing a vocabulary game about clothing, whether she could say the word "underwear." She whispered the word like it was a curse word. Now keep this in mind when reading the next paragraph....

Many Vietnamese boys often wear boxer shorts out in public. They wear them to the gym, walking around the neighborhood and when they play soccer; even one of my private students often wears just boxers and a t-shirt when I teach him. At first I thought this was, well, odd. However, after being in Asia for some time I realized that this was just something that was lost in translation. Boxer shorts are labeled "boxer SHORTS". Men here think they are actually shorts (presumably that boxer's wear). This is an easy misunderstanding especially since most Vietnamese men only wear tighty whities or banana hammock undies. To them, boxer shorts are athletic shorts. To test my theory, I asked a few people recently about why they were wearing boxer shorts. The answer -- confirming my theory -- was that they were shorts. Well, imagine the look on their face when I told them that they were really wearing underwear in public! Yeah, there were gasps...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dream Boy


I asked my all-girl lower level class to write an essay about their "Dream Boy." All the girls described what their dream boy looked and acted like. Every girl had a different essay except one thing in common -- all girls said their "dream boy" was a businessman.

This was just so -- what's the word -- Vietnamese. I'm sure many American girls hope that they marry a successful businessman but when it comes to a "dream boy" don't most girl want like an artist or a musician or, well, something exciting? I have nothing against businessmen (okay, that's not totally true -- google global recession) but they just seem so unimaginative.

And yes, I'm fully aware that recently I opened my own business which makes me very likeable to Vietnamese women yet very boring to myself.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Field Trip!!!


(PICTURE: Many of my fellow field trippers...)

Usually on Fridays I ask my students what they are going to do on the weekend (it's good practice for them to talk in the future tense). Well, one Friday my student Ngoc told me she was going to go on a field trip with her class from the National Economic University. I told her it sounded like fun and before I knew it I was invited to come along. Luckily I wasn't the only field-trip-crasher as my student Van (Banking Academy) came along too.

I met Ngoc and Van at 5:45 AM to start the field trip. We rendezvoused at Ngoc's university where we boarded an old rickety bus with about fifty students. Where we went, well, I'm still not sure. There was supposed to be a big waterfall but apparently it's the dry season so there was no water. However, the lack of waterfall didn't stop us from having a fun day. We hiked around the big national park and had a nice picnic. There was a lot of beautiful scenery and plenty of chances for pictures...

(PICTURE: Ngoc, three friends, Van and me at a National Park.)

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Someons is trying to kill me (Part II)...


Last weekend I went to dinner with my friend Tu. I didn't know where the street restaurant was so I followed him on my motorbike. For the first fifteen minutes Tu drove calmly and relatively within the law. However, at some point the Vietnamese male gene took over and he turned to me and said, "Follow me!" and began to drive like a maniac. First he ran a red light, then he drove in the opposite lane and then he cut in front of a bunch of cars. As I watched him speed away -- and attempted to keep up in the safest way possible, Mom -- I kept thinking: "Is he trying to kill me?"

When I finally caught up to Tu I said to hi, "Dude! You're driving like a crazy person." He turned to me and said, "It's okay, I took a motorbike safety course once." Well, he said something like that -- it was hard to tell as he sped off and cut across the road.

I've always taken great pride in being a good "Follow me" car leader back in the states. If someone is following me I always drive extra cautiously -- I slow down at yellows, I put my blinker on way in advance, etc. Here, well, I guess they don't get that lesson in driver's ed*.

Chalk this up in the "Things I'll never get used to in Vietnam" category.

* No they don't have driver's ed in Vietnam.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Never Ever Give Up & Never Say Die

In the photocopy shop I go to (see yesterday's post) are two indentical posters:

Every time I see these posters I chuckle to myself. For one, I think it's a clever poster. However, what is funnier is the randomness of why these are up in a photocopy shop as the only decoration.

As I often write on here, I've read a lot of books about the Vietnam War. This poster sort of sums up the Vietnamese mentality as they fought America. We were battling against people who would never have given up would never say die...as I imagine Americans would if a foreign country ever invaded our home land.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Photocopy Shops


(PICTURE: My photocopy shop and the maestro kid working the copier.)

All over Hanoi are photocopy shops. Unlike Kinkos in America, these places are mom and pop operations. Basically people buy a photocopy machine (or two) and copy whatever you want them to copy.

I've been going to this one photocopy place for weeks now to copy resources for my school. The kid who copies my stuff is a maestro with the machine; he performs on it like it's a grand piano. I never though that one could have a skill in copying but this kid has proven me wrong. He shrinks or enlarges texts, does double siding, make faint print easier to see... You name it he can do it.

One problem I have with the photocopy place though is that they charge the same amount to do a double sided print versus a one-sided print. There's really no incentive to try and save paper. I'm putting this down on my list of things to complain to the Vietnamese EPA about.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Opening a coconut


(PICTURE: After twenty minute of hacking...)

Have you ever tried to open a coconut? If not, give it a shot. I think this is a new work-out craze waiting to happen. This past weekend, using a machete, I opened my first coconut. It took me about twenty minutes to crack the coconut open and my forearm is still throbbing. I probably could have opened the coconut much quicker but I didn't want to lose the milk inside. To do it right you've got to slice bits off from the top until you get down to the center section of the coconut. When you finally crack the coconut it lets out a small "BOOM" sound as it releases pressure.

Having done this, I've developed a whole new appreciation for Tom Hank's character in Castaway.
(PICTURE: My teacher...)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

It took over two years but...

...I just cooked my first grilled cheese in Vietnam.



It was delicious and a nice little reminder of some of the little joys awaiting me back in the states.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Getting Picked Up...



As a guy, we all have day dreams of being out on a typical day and having a beautiful woman come up to us and say, "Hi, do you want to get coffee?" Unfortunately for most of us, this never ever happens. Frankly it's one of the most disappointing things about life. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in a cafe or restaurant or wherever, hoping a girl in a booth/in a line/reading a book would make the first move...but alas, it never happened...until now.

Yesterday I was sitting on a sidewalk stool, eating sticky rice, like I do almost every morning. I was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, ready to go to the gym after devouring my breakfast. Well, out of nowhere I heard someone ask me, "Excuse me, do you speak English?" I looked over and saw a giant friendly smile. I said that indeed I spoke English. Well, my friendly breakfast neighbor must have liked my looks because right after that I was invited for coffee. Yeah, I was totally picked up.

This is exactly how I always pictured this happening except for one small-ish detail -- I was going to coffee with a dude.

I chalk this up in the column of things that would never happen in America. Can you picture a guy in a suit (married with kids) asking another guy -- who is clearly on the way to the gym -- to coffee?

Monday, March 22, 2010

If I Had 5000 Dong...



...for every time a random person asked me an English question, I'd be a rich man. Well, at least I'd be able to eat a lot of breakfasts in Vietnam.

Here's a typical situation: As I was leaving the gym today, a girl at the front desk showed me a piece of paper that said, "Enternal Frame." She looked at me and said, "Is this correct?" I pondered the piece of paper for a couple of seconds, looked at her quizzically and said, "Do you mean the song?" She nodded at me and smiled. I told her she was close but that it was spelled "Eternal Flame."

This is a good example of how my interpretation skills have developed over the last couple of years. I'm pretty sure if the same situation happened in 2008 I would have had no idea what the girl was talking about. There were no context clues, no music playing, nothing. Frankly, I'm turning into an English genius.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Happ Birthday Viet Huong!


Huyen's nephew Viet Huong recently turned 4-years-old. I remember when I was driving this kid around on my motorbike when he was still 2:



It was fun to celebrate Viet Huong's birthday but it definitely made me miss home a lot. That pit in my stomach that I felt was the guilt of having missed Lilah's first and most likely second birthday parties...

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I love the smell of shit in the morning....



...and in the evening.

Actually, I don't love it at all but unfortunately our apartment smells like shit every morning, evening, or basically anytime we don't flush our toilet for a few hours. There's something wrong with the plumbing in our building which has had two not-so-positive results:

Not-So-Positive Result #1: Whenever the people upstairs flush their toilet, our toilet rumbles and all the water is sucked out from the bowl. This makes going #2 really exciting because, if the timing is right, it sounds like a giant vacuum is about to suck out your internal organs.

Not-So-Positive Result #2: When the people flush their toilet upstairs and we don't immediately flush ours, the apartment starts to get a disgusting sewage smell. Basicallye very time we walk into our apartment we have to light three matches before we can breath.

That's the bad news. The good news is that our rent was due last week and we haven't paid the landlord a dime because we told him we're not paying until the problem is fixed...which he agreed to. Hey, call me a cheapskate but I can live with a few minutes of a bad smell every day if it means I get to live for free!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Someone is trying to kill me...



...and his name is the bicycle repair guy.

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is trying to kill you? Yeah, probably not. I hadn't either until the other day. Here's the story:

I got a flat tire on my bike and needed it changed. I walked around the neighborhood until I found a very talkative bike repair guy who had set up shop on a street corner. I showed him my tire and he got right on replacing it. He talked to me while repairing my bike and was quickly clued into the fact that I can't speak Vietnamese. However, I continued to listen until I recognized a question: Where are you from?

I told the man in Vietnamese that I was from America and then he continued to chirp away. All was good until he told me my bike was fixed. I paid the guy, jumped on my bike and headed into traffic...when I quickly realized that I HAD NO BRAKES!!!!!*

I managed to come to a stop and immediately went back to the repairman. I showed him the brakes weren't working and he quickly began to "fix" them. Once they were "done" he gave me a thumbs up and pointed the bike back towards the road. Once again I got on the bike and pedaled into traffic...until I realized I STILL HAD NO BRAKES!!!!

Again, I managed to get back to the dude in one piece and showed him the brakes weren't working. He again got to work and again "fixed" the brakes. Again, they still weren't working. Finally, I had an ephiphany -- this guy is trying to kill me!

I took the bike to the bike shop to get fixed...and am now watching my back carefully.

* This was written for dramatic affect. In reality I had my front brake but no back brake. The bike still could barely slow down and if you know about brakes (as my friend Sam) you shouldn't just use a front brake because you can flip over.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Cardio


Last night I saw a bizarre site in Hanoi -- a jogger.

There are people who jog in parks but very few people who run on the streets. It doesn't take a genius to know that running on streets in Vietnam will most likely end up doing a lot worse things for your health than the benefits you could gain from jogging.

One thing that I've noticed for two years now is that Vietnamese people, in general, have horrible cardiovascular. The guys I play frisbee with are all in great shape (six packs, bulging biceps, etc.) but they can't run for more than a few minutes without being winded.

I've been reading a lot about Michelle Obama's child obesity campaign. People in Vietnam are far from obese but I think Vietnam needs to have a similar campaign to get people moving in order to improve their cardio. It's not hard to see why people don't have good stamina here. Nobody walks anywhere. People often ride their motorbikes for one minute rather than walk for ten.

I think there are a lot of cultural things that go into this:
1. The sidewalks are for eating and parking bikes, not for walking.
2. Vietnamese people often like to stay out of the sun to keep their skin from darkening.
3. There is a lack of open space in the cities. Even the soccer fields are about a quarter of the size of the fields we play on in America which means a lot less running.
4. The pollution is horrible. You don't want to be sucking wind while simultaneously breathing in exhaust fumes.

Recently I was watching the Sydney marathon on the television at the gym and thought, "A marathon in Hanoi would be amazing." I think someone should really push for this because Hanoi could be a great city for a marathon. Plus, it could get average people thinking about running and improving their cardio.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Vietnamese Old People



One of the things that I was most impressed with in Japan is how fit Japanese senior citizens are. The senior citizens there climb mountains, ride bikes around town and appear to be twenty years healthier than their actual age.

In Vietnam, well, not so much. One thing I've noticed in Vietnam is that Vietnamese people do not age well after about fifty-five. This is not to say that older Vietnamese people aren't strong, this is just to say that they look older than their age. I'm sure it is a combination of medicine and lifestyle but seemingly when people pass sixty they age exponentially faster than other senior citizens around the world.

This is interesting to me because younger Vietnamese people look much younger than people their same age in America. When I look at Vietnamese college students I think that they look like American high school students. When I look at Vietnamese high school students I think that they look like American middle school students. If one could draw a graph it would be fascinating to see at what age Westerners and Vietnamese look the same age and at what point Vietnamese start to age faster. That's my deep thought for today...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Meet The Family

During Tet I got to meet lots of new Nguyens. Here's a picture of some of Huyen's extended family:


I mentioned this once on the blog but it's always funny going to big family events with Huyen. Often she is as clueless as I am as to who some people are. She once said to me, "Don't ask me who everyone is because I don't know." I think this is a feeling everyone in the world can relate to. I know that I've been to family events in the past where I recognized people but had no clue how we were related. Can you imagine ten years from now when my kids are looking at pictures of me in Vietnam and say to me, "Dad, who is that your taking pictures with?":


I'll have to look at my kids and say, "Oh, that's your grandma's older brother and his wife....I think"

Monday, March 15, 2010

Hacked


The other day I got an email I hoped I would never get:

BENJAMIN A,

It's important that we speak with you.
Please call us at 1-800-427-9428.


With your assistance, we would like to verify some potentially suspicious activity that we have detected on your MASTERCARD PLATINUM account ending in XXXX. We want to ensure that all charges have been authorized by you. In order to avoid any inconvenience it is very important that we speak with you. Please call us at 1-800-427-9428 as soon as possible.

Yup, my credit card was hacked. There were a half dozen random charges on my card that had clearly not been made by me. Besides the random charges I'm sure the activity was suspicious since I've only used my card about a half dozen times in the last two years, let alone two day.

I'd like to send a big Ahoy Hanoi thank you to Capital One for canceling my card. I'd like to send a big Ahoy Hanoi F-U to whoever hacked my card. Not cool!

The irony in this is that last week I had two visitors in town (a friend of a friend and my friend's brother). My friend's brother asked me if anyone takes credit cards in Hanoi. While explaining that a few places will take credit cards, I took mine out to look at the expiration date. I was happy to see that the date was a year away. This was comforting to me because my driver's license and ATM card are about to expire. Well, now that Capital One canceled my card I'm sort of plastic free for a few weeks. If I was in America this would be a big deal. However, in a cash country this doesn't make me stress at all.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

My Turn To Cook

Before Tet I told Huyen's parents that I was going to cook them a meal during Tet. It occured to me one day that her parents have never eaten anything in their lives except Vietnamese food. That's such a bizarre concept for me since I've had days in Los Angles where I ate Dim Sum for breakfast, Mexican for lunch and sushi for dinner.

I debated for a while what I should cook them and decided that pasta would be a good transition dish for them. Pasta is noodle based (which they like), has cooked tomatoes (which they often eat) and could be flavored with other vegetables or chicken. The day before Tet I went to the supermarket and bought a big box of Barilla pasta and a large container of Italian tomato sauce.

When we arrived at Huyen's house we unpacked the ingredients and put them on the second floor of the house, right near the stairwell. Wellllllllll, the meal before I was supposed to cook my pasta Huyen's mother "accidentally" dropped the sauce down the stairs:



Meal canceled. Sheesh, I can take a hint.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Officially The Biggest Spider Ever

I have seen more than my fair share of big spiders in Southeast Asia. However, this spider officially takes the cake. I was walking down the stairwell in my apartment building when this thing caught my eye. It was huge! The section of the wall that this spider was on is about a foot long; the spider was taking up half of it. On top of that, it's legs were very very very thick. I would say that they were about the width of my pinkies...and if you've ever seen my hands, I've got fat fingers.

I started to irrationally fear for my life and quickly grabbed the nearest Vietnamese person I could find -- a man working downstairs in my building. I showed him the spider and he barely flinched. He methodically grabbed a stick and a broom and went after the thing. This is when I took out my video camera and started to film from about twenty feet away (this is why the spider doesn't look monstrous in the video). Standing behind me was the Vietnamese man's son who happened to be at the building that day. Well, the man climbed up on a stool and went after the spider. By "went after" I mean he pushed it off the wall and on to the floor where it quickly stampeded towards me and the little boy. As you can tell from the video, I was petrified. The boy and I ran down the stairs so fast it was as if a tiger was chasing us. Check out this video:

Friday, March 12, 2010

MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN!!!!!!


Tonight Huyen is going to Ho Chi Minh City for work which means I have our apartment all to myself. Huyen told me I'm not allowed to have any parties. I think she said this to me because during Tet I asked her, "When parents go out of town in Vietnam, do kids have parties?" Huyen started to beam and said, "Yeah! Yeah! When our parents would go away we would have parties! We would cook whatever we wanted!" This is the kind of innocence that you get in Vietnam that you don't get in America. Can you imagine some teenager in a high school cafeteria yelling out, "My parents are out of town!!! We can cook whatever we want!!!!"

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Small Town, Big Price



(PICTURE: Huyen's mom pointing at her brother-in-law's name.)

Just like last year, during Tet, we visited Huyen's Uncle's grave. Huyen's Uncle -- for those of you who are new readers -- was killed by the Americans during the war and his body has never been recovered. He has an empty tomb in the military cemetery located in Huyen's small town. His name is also listed on this table. He's #31:


The tablet has all the names of the townspeople who died fighting the French, the Americans and the Cambodians.

#14-#62 on the tablet are people who died fighting the Americans. That's 48 people. I asked Huyen's sister how many people live in the town that is represented by this military cemetery. She told me maybe 1,000. That means about 4% of the town died fighting the Americans. In my head I naturally thought back to last summer when I marched in the Memorial Day parade with my father. On that day I took a picture of the Vietnam Memorial in my town:

(PICTURE: One of Livingston's war memorials.)

According to the 2000 census of Livingston, the town's population was 27,391 people. If 4% of our town's population died fighting, that would mean 1,095 people would have died. The Vietnam War's first Secretary of Defense, Robert McNamara, was a notorious numbers cruncher. I wonder what he would have said to those numbers...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tombs In The Rice Paddies

When Huyen's great grandmother passed away, I wrote about how people are buried in the rice paddies. Well, over Tet, for the second year in a row, we visited some of Huyen's relative's tombs in the rice paddies:



While walking to her Grandmother's tomb we passed these tombs which I thought were quite picturesque:



There's something really beautiful to me about being buried like this. Cemeteries usually feel really sad to me and I think its because people end up spending eternity on land that they have no attachment to. In Vietnam people are buried where they spent their lives, raised their families and literally where they got their food to survive.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Apex English: Scholarship


One of my goals with my school was to make a more affordable language school for students. The fact is that all language schools in Hanoi are geared towards the middle and upper class. From my research, I'm pretty sure that per class, APEX is the cheapest language school in Hanoi where students learn from a native speaker. On top of that, from what I've been told, my school is only about a dollar more per class than many of the private Vietnamese teachers. That said, my school is still not cheap and unfortunately isn't affordable for poor students. However, I have offered scholarships to students who wish to learn at Apex but can't afford the cost.

When I spoke at all of the universities, I told the students about the scholarship. Everyone seemed really excited but only two people applied. To apply, students merely had to write a short essay about why they wanted to learn English. I accepted both students and gave them scholarships. However, one student's level is higher than the class I'm teaching so she told me she would like to wait for a higher level class.

Eventually I want to set up a program where I get donations from people to sponsor students to learn English. In my head the students could then correspond with their sponsor about their English progress. I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing this but it is something I'll definitely be thinking about and looking into...

Monday, March 8, 2010

International Women's Day!


Flowers, flowers everywhere! It can only mean one thing: International Women's Day!!!!

Vietnam is IWD crazy right now. Seemingly every major street has at least a half dozen people selling flowers. There's also banners all over town reminding men that today is a special day. Luckily if I had somehow missed the posters, Huyen reminded me at least thirty times over the last few days that Monday was a very very very important holiday. I bought Huyen roses and chocolates and in true Vietnamese style, let her cook dinner for me (I wanted to take her for dinner but she cooked while I was teaching a private student).

Don't worry readers in America, Canada, Australia, England and one hundred other countries -- International Women's Day hasn't been designated a holiday in our nations yet. Hopefully one day our glass ceiling can be raised as high as some of the nations who have claimed IWD as a national holiday. According to the International Women's Day Website:

"IWD is now an official holiday in China, Armenia, Russia, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Bulgaria, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Macedonia, Moldova, Mongolia, Tajikistan, Ukraine, Uzbekistan and Vietnam. The tradition sees men honouring their mothers, wives, girlfriends, colleagues, etc with flowers and small gifts. In some countries IWD has the equivalent status of Mother's Day where children give small presents to their mothers and grandmothers.

The new millennium has witnessed a significant change and attitudinal shift in both women's and society's thoughts about women's equality and emancipation. Many from a younger generation feel that 'all the battles have been won for women' while many feminists from the 1970's know only too well the longevity and ingrained complexity of patriarchy. With more women in the boardroom, greater equality in legislative rights, and an increased critical mass of women's visibility as impressive role models in every aspect of life, one could think that women have gained true equality. The unfortunate fact is that women are still not paid equally to that of their male counterparts, women still are not present in equal numbers in business or politics, and globally women's education, health and the violence against them is worse than that of men.

However, great improvements have been made. We do have female astronauts and prime ministers, school girls are welcomed into university, women can work and have a family, women have real choices. And so the tone and nature of IWD has, for the past few years, moved from being a reminder about the negatives to a celebration of the positives.

Annually on 8 March, thousands of events are held throughout the world to inspire women and celebrate achievements. A global web of rich and diverse local activity connects women from all around the world ranging from political rallies, business conferences, government activities and networking events through to local women's craft markets, theatric performances, fashion parades and more.

Many global corporations have also started to more actively support IWD by running their own internal events and through supporting external ones. For example, on 8 March search engine and media giant Google some years even changes its logo on its global search pages. Year on year IWD is certainly increasing in status. The United States even designates the whole month of March as 'Women's History Month'.

So make a difference, think globally and act locally !! Make everyday International Women's Day. Do your bit to ensure that the future for girls is bright, equal, safe and rewarding.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Apex English: Placement Testing


(PICTURE: Welcome to Apex English! Yes, mom, that's my bike and helmet.)

Before students can be assigned a class at Apex, they must take a placement test. I designed a test that evaluates students grammar, reading comprehension, writing, listening and speaking skills. Out of the seventy university students who expressed interest in our school, about thirty signed up for a placement test. This ratio was actually better than I had originally expected. On top of that, there were about another twenty students who contacted us to take the test.

I conducted the placement tests over a three day period. Out of the fifty students who were supposed to come in for the test, only thirty showed up. Yup, people were dropping like flies. This was okay though because my original goal was to get thirty students.

The skill level for the prospective students was across the board. There were some beginner students all the way up to some who were nearly fluent. This presented a problem in trying to organize a class that had enough students of the same level. On top of that, I had to try and coordinate people's available times to learn. This was not an easy task. With Huyen's help* we determined a class time that would suit the majority of the people of around the same level. After calling more people and telling them the time of their class, even more people dropped out. Right about this time Ben August became Negative Nancy. Luckily Huyen is one of the most positive people I've ever known and she told me that all would be okay. She reminded me that this was a new business and it would take time for word of mouth to spread. Well, we officially booked our first class with eight students (plus two free loaders: Huyen and Linh). After the first class a few more people came to take placement tests and three more have since joined the class. So officially, the first Apex class has 11 students! It's a start...

(PICTURE: These aren't students. They're just the guys who hung the Apex sign.)


* I can't overstate how helpful Huyen has been throughout the process of starting the school. I actually shouldn't even use the word help because she basically does everything except the testing and teaching.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Apex English: The Website


(PICTURE: Huyen passing out fliers for my school.)

For the next few days I'll write about the formation of my new school. It's been an -- what's a good word for frustrating, stressful and exciting all wrapped into one -- interesting experience. Actually "interesting" isn't gonna cut it here; I'll go with a learning experience.

The school started with a few blunders. Firstly, I hired a web designer who had two months to design the site. After two months there was literally nothing done. The day after the contract was supposed to be done the guy began the website. The dude literally sent us another company's website with our logo on it. Ben August doesn't get mad often but that morning Ben August was furious -- so furious that I'm still talking about it in third person. After firing the guy he put together the site that is currently up. It took him literally less than two hours. What he was doing the previous two months I'll never know. The site looks pretty good but frankly isn't even close to what I envisioned. If you haven't seen the site yet, here's the link: APEX ENGLISH

All of the nicest stuff on the site, including the logo, were designed by Huyen's friend. The web designer was supposed to do these things but not surprisingly didn't.

Huyen's friend also designed a really nice flier for us. We printed out 1,000 copies of the flier and passed them out at two universities. This was actually a lot of fun. I hired Linh, a friend of Huyen's, to help me out. Linh took me to the universities and between classes had me talk to the students in large lecture halls. I wish I had video of this but sadly I don't. Basically Linh would take a microphone that is standard in all classes and introduce me. I would get a huge round of applause from the students and then proceed to pitch them why they should come to my school. After speaking to about eight classes we had over 70 students sign up their contact information, indicating that they were interested in the school.

The most memorable part of pitching to the students was when I was heckled in a class. Heckled is probably too strong of a word but you can be the judge. Here's the basic transcript of what happened:
BEN: (pitching the school) My school is very small. We have 1 classroom and we have 1 teacher...
STUDENT IN THE BACK ROW: (yells out) And maybe one student!!!

The whole class erupted in laughter. I laughed too because he struck upon my biggest fear.

Another funny experience was this:
BEN: (finishing my speech)....I hope to teach many of you at Apex English. Are there any questions?
GIRL WHO IS FLUENT IN ENGLISH: Yes, I have two questions. My first question is whether or not you're married.
BEN: (laughing) No, I'm not married.
GIRL WHO IS FLUENT IN ENGLISH: My second question is whether you like any of the girls in this class?
BEN: I will like many of the girls in this class if they sign up for my school.

Okay, I didn't really say that but should have...

Friday, March 5, 2010

Neutering


(PICTURE: Something you don't see in the States.)

As I was riding my bike this morning I passed a man walking his dog. I noticed two things as I rode by -- two big hairy testicles. It occurred to me as I giggled to myself that neutering animals is a difference between Vietnam and America. In America it seems that nearly every domesticated dog has had his manhood deprived of him. In Vietnam, dogs get to keep their family jewels. I'm sure some dog owners neuter their pets but as far as I can tell, most dogs are still in possession of their balls.

As I continued to ride my bike home I thought to myself, "Westerners think it's terrible that Vietnamese eat dogs. I wonder if Vietnamese think it's terrible that Westerners neuter dogs?"

Thursday, March 4, 2010

NY Times Article: In Vietnam, Traveling An Unlikely Beer Trail



My sister's friend Elena sent me this article which it seems that every person in Hanoi has already read. Last year I complained about the NY Time's review of Hanoi but this article seems pretty good and accurate to me. You can clink on this link or read the pasted version below:

Arantxa Cedillo for The New York Times

THE setting could have been any typical Central European beer garden. There were long rows of wooden tables stained in dark, rich hues; half- and full-liter beer mugs hanging from metal racks; and two beautifully crafted brass decoction tanks used for mashing traditionally brewed beer. But on this warm afternoon in November, I wasn’t in Plzen, or Munich, or Bruges. I was at the Hoa Vien Bräuhaus in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.
The humid air buzzed with conversations in melodiously tonal Vietnamese. This, too, surprised me. Considering that Hoa Vien’s founder is an honorary consul of the Czech Republic (that is, a noncareer diplomat), I had envisioned throngs of expatriates knocking their glasses together. But the crowd was made up of young Vietnamese men in slacks and button-down shirts — lanyards with key cards still dangling around their necks — and couples chatting under large, shady trees. All part of Vietnam’s growing generation of hip, young professionals.

At the beginning of a beer odyssey through this long, slender country, I savored the unexpectedness of it all as I sipped two draft brews made on the premises, carrying Hoa Vien’s Hoavener label. The crisp, freshly poured bia vang (yellow beer), what we would call a golden lager, had a bitter hops flavor somewhere between a typical Czech pilsner and a Munich-style lager. The bia den (black beer), a dark lager, was more intensely bitter, and had just enough bite to balance a beautiful malt-caramel flavor. Both were wonderful.

For the first-time visitor to Vietnam, the variety of local and regional beers can be surprising. It seems each city has a beer named after it (Bia Can Tho, Bia Thai Binh, Bia Saigon, Bia Hanoi, Bia Hue, and so on), and the best of the bunch depends on whom you ask and where you’re asking. But in recent decades, Vietnamese beer culture has morphed, adopting traditional European styles as well as embracing a uniquely ephemeral home-grown brew called bia hoi. The latter is so popular that to many of the roughly four million people who visit Vietnam each year, drinking bia hoi on the streets of Hanoi is as emblematic of a trip to Southeast Asia as ordering pad Thai in Bangkok.

Ho Chi Minh City is home to a handful of European-style microbreweries, most of which are centrally located in District 1 and some of which claim to brew their beer according to the Bavarian purity law known as the Reinheitsgebot. This trend took off in 2001 when Hoa Vien, which had previously been importing Pilsner Urquell, built a Euro-style brewery inside the restaurant with the help of experts from the Czech Republic. Other breweries followed, trying to tap into a domestic beer culture that stretches back at least to the 1890s (that’s when the Habeco brewery, now state run, was founded by French colonialists), was revitalized during the Vietnam War in the 1960s, and currently produces more than 2 billion liters of beer a year.

The European influence was visible at two other pubs I visited in Ho Chi Minh City. Nguyen Du Brauhof, a small open-air restaurant, served Adler Bräu beer alongside German dishes like schweinshaxe and traditional Vietnamese fare like eel. And across the street from the Ho Chi Minh Municipal Theater, not far from Graham Greene’s old haunt the Continental Hotel, the Lion Brewery & Restaurant resembled a giant Munich bierhalle — complete with wall-size murals of Oktoberfest revelers in lederhosen and dirndls.

Heading north from Ho Chi Minh City, I flew to Nha Trang, Vietnam’s most popular coastal resort town. The typhoons that had devastated the Philippines last fall had obscured Nha Trang’s beach under waist-high drifts of tree parts and human-made jetsam, but the Louisiane Brewhouse, nestled beneath undamaged palm trees on the southern sweep of Nha Trang’s main drag, just an arm’s length from the sand, was open for business. Here was a place, I had heard, where beer influences collided: classic Northern European styles transformed by Southeast Asia’s tropical flavors.

I first ordered a Crystal Ale draft, a top-fermented beer made with passion fruit and local rambutan, a tropical fruit similar to litchi. It tasted faintly of honey, matched with floral highlights and a mild bitter finish. Next, I had a Passion Fruit Witbier draft, a slight twist on a Belgian classic. The witbier base itself was made with a mixture of local and imported wheat grains, and a gruit, or flavoring base, consisting of local coriander and orange, and imported hops. The resulting beer, served with a slice of lime, reminded me of the Portuguese wine vinho verde with a spicy kick of coriander. An excellent match for freshly caught seafood.

No beer tour to Vietnam would be complete without heading to Hanoi to sample the ultimate people’s beer, bia hoi. Consumed in frightening quantities by everyone from Vietnam’s newly rich to its hard-working street vendors, bia hoi, sometimes called fresh beer but literally meaning gas beer, is an unpasteurized, unpreserved brew made before the sun rises, and often imbibed before the sun sets. All throughout the day, motorcycle deliverymen can be seen carting the grog around in everything from 100-liter drums to smaller plastic jugs. Much of it comes from three huge breweries, but scores of smaller mom-and-pop operations flourish as well.

Walking around Hanoi’s narrow, warrenlike streets, one sees bia hoi joints on just about every corner — with locals quaffing the low-alcohol brew (2 to 4 percent) as early as 8 a.m., after which time, some locals say, the peak flavors are already in decline. The décor at these places is a remarkably consistent mash-up of the children’s section of Ikea and the ultimate in street-life voyeurism: stands of shin-high plastic tables crammed right up to the curb and matched with semicircles of knee-high plastic chairs, all facing the road. Food venders are always nearby hawking the perfect complement to a tipsy evening: grilled meats, dried squid, pork buns, noodles.

Bia hoi corner in Hanoi, known for the brew.

Arantxa Cedillo for The New York Times

Danish tourists at the Lion Brewery in Ho Chi Minh City.

The best bia hoi places in Hanoi serve a crisp, cold beer with a clean taste suggesting rice and an almost subliminal whisper of something like hops. Daytime visits to these chatty, casual settings are a great way to strike up a conversation with a local resident. But at night, patrons at many of the locals-oriented spots may be too consumed with their conversations to notice a wandering tourist.

I sampled some of the freshest bia hoi in the city at 22 Hang Tre and 19C Ngoc Ha Streets, respectively, during the day. In both places the beer was low on bitterness, light, and had subtle notes of straw and rice — a world apart from the double I.P.A.’s, imperial stouts and other high-alcohol, high-impact beers popular with American craft brewers. I opted to spend the bulk of my evenings at the intersection of Luong Ngoc Quyen and Ta Hien Streets, a busy confluence of foreign tourists and English-speaking Vietnamese known informally as bia hoi corner.

THE beer at bia hoi corner is from a small local brewery, and varies in quality by the batch. At 3,000 Vietnamese dong (roughly 16 cents) a pint, it is so inexpensive — “cheaper than water,” a gregarious Vietnamese man told me — that locals know to buy a single drink to test the day’s offering before deciding whether to stay. They also know that the beer is just one aspect of what makes socializing at one of these places, filled with an eclectic spectrum of people, so much fun.

One night I had a conversation about the American electoral college with a 26-year-old Vietnamese chemical engineer dressed in chic slacks, a button-down shirt and designer glasses; the next day I traded New York City dining tips with a former sushi chef from Queens.

After my last hot day in Hanoi, which included a visit to Ho Chi Minh’s mausoleum, I finally came to a stop at bia hoi corner. Sitting in a Lilliputian plastic chair by the curb, I watched street vendors sell mangoes from baskets balanced across their shoulders on bamboo poles, motorcycles overloaded with passengers and goods weave through the traffic, and the occasional young girl and her grandmother going for an early evening walk in pajamas and flip-flops.

Pretty soon I would be braving the crush of Hanoi’s traffic myself, stuck in an overcrowded shuttle on the way to the airport. After experiencing Vietnam’s pleasantly vibrant beer culture, I was in no rush to pack my bags.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Used Cars



In America, the moment a new car is driven off the lot the value depreciates. Regardless of how many miles are on the car, if sold, it will always be a used car. In Vietnam, this is not the case. Cars, like memorabilia, often go up in value here. Yesterday one of my students told me that his father bought a Lexus SUV last year for $100,000 (this is with the 90% VAT tax for importing cars). The same car, one year later, is now worth $140,000!!!! Can you imagine buying a car in the US and having it go up in value $40,000!

I'm assuming this is the case because the people here can't get cars into the country fast enough. With the booming economy, many wealthy people are becoming very wealthy people and have nothing to spend their money on other than cars.

Meanwhile I'm just curious if my bicycle will go up in value when I sell it next year!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Masters Of War



Many people always ask me why I chose to come to Vietnam. In fact, twice this week I've been asked that question. I've written a few times about my lifelong interest in Vietnam which all stemmed from the Vietnam War. Growing up in America it was impossible not to see, to read and to hear about Vietnam.

I've written a blog about how "The Wonder Years" was my favorite show and how it often had Vietnam content. I've written blogs about books I've loved that were written about Vietnam -- especially books by Tim O'Brien. Well, yesterday I was listening to some Bob Dylan and had a good reminder that music about Vietnam has had its influence on me too. One of my favorite songs growing up was a Pearl Jam cover of "Masters of War" by Bob Dylan. In fact, I think I put it on all of my mix tapes in middle school. Anyway, here's the lyrics to that song which I love so much:

Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks.

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly.

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain.

You fasten all the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion'
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud.

You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins.

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
That even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do.

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul.

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand over your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Huyen's Big Date!


"Who were you on the phone with," I asked.
"My friend from Thailand," Huyen said.
"Who's your friend from Thailand," I asked.
"The Ambassador," Huyen said.

Yup, Huyen is friends with the Ambassador of Thailand. In fact, she went to a Thai restaurant with him and his friends last night on what I like to refer to as "Huyen's big date."

Huyen works with a girl from Thailand and a few months ago went to a Thai party with her where she befriended seemingly every powerful Thai person in Hanoi.

I'm not sure what the point of this blog is except to say that I'm clearly jealous I have never been invited to dinner with an Ambassador.