Battle Of The MCs

(PICTURE: Sebastian and I with the bride.)

In America, on a girl's wedding day, she's supposed to feel like the center of the universe. Everyone should be focused on the bride -- no ifs ands or buts. Well, it's slightly different here...at least when a foreigner shows up to the wedding.

Sebastian, Huyen and I arrived at Huyen's cousins house at 11 o'clock. As we pulled up to the alley where Huyen's cousin lives, a girl came out and pointed to us where to park our motorbikes. After parking our bikes, Huyen introduced me to the girl -- the bride. That's right, just a couple of hours before her wedding she was directing traffic. The three of us were then escorted into the house where we mingled with Huyen's father's side of the family. Huyen quickly admitted to Sebastian and I that she had no idea who half the people there were. At least the Vietnamese and Jews have that in common; I could have probably pointed out and named 25% of my relatives at my Bar Mitzvah.

Once Huyen's immediate family arrived we sat down for a delicious meal. The way weddings work here is that you begin to eat when you fill a table. If you show up by yourself, you can't eat till there's enough people to eat all the food. I couldn't have been happier that Sebastian was with me because it meant that I wouldn't be the only person being force fed/obliged to drink ever thirty seconds. The expression on Sebastian's face quickly turned from hunger and excitement to pain. I told Sebastian it was rude in Vietnam not to finish ones food so he crammed down the scraps of chicken and rice still in his bowl. If I was a betting man I would have said there was a 50% chance he was going to puke. He pulled through though and just complained for the next 24 hours that he was stuffed.

Here is how the traditional small town wedding takes place:

11AM-2PM: The family of the brides and grooms gather at their respective houses and eat and drink.
(PICTURE: Huyen's father and I eating and drinking.)

2 PM: The grooms family, in a parade procession, appears at the bride's house. The bride's family services the groom's family sweets. i.e. sucking candies. While the groom's family enjoys breath mints, an MC talks over the microphone. Huyen's father, always full of energy, served as the MC. He basically said over and over in Vietnamese the names of all the family members and how happy of a day it was for everyone.


(PICTURE: Huyen's Dad freestyling on the right)

3 PM: The family's all gather together and go to a local statue and take wedding pictures.

(PICTURE: Huyen's cousin's family in front of a concrete war hero. Huyen's mother is on the far left wearing a traditional dress.)

3:30 PM: The families get back on their motorbikes or in their cars and drive to the groom's house.
(PICTURE: The families marching through the alley to the groom's house.)

At the groom's house another MC takes over the ceremony and continues the wedding. While at the groom's house the bride's family enjoys sweets. i.e. More sucking candies. The bride and groom exchange rings and then BAM it's over.
(PICTURE: The groom's MC doing his thang while Huyen's family enjoys candies)

After the wedding we drove back to Huyen's house for dinner...where they proceeded to feed Sebastian and I a lot more food. Again, Sebastian was on the verge of puking and had a look of disdain in his eyes for Huyen's sister who kept placing chicken in his bowl.

When we finished dinner we headed back to Hanoi on our bikes. I try not to drive at night since well, it's scary as hell. We took a side road, with less traffic, most of the way. However our hearts still skipped a beat a few times when:
1. A truck full of hundreds of dogs (I don't want to think about where they were going) nearly ran me off the road.
2. A giant truck almost ran me off the road while driving in my line...yet going in the opposite direction.
3. I almost ran about a half dozen people wearing all black and walking in the middle of the street off the road...

While we were driving back Huyen's phone rang. She had a conversation for a few minutes and then said to me, "My cousin wants to thank you and Sebastian for coming to her wedding. You two made it very special and nobody will ever forget it." I turned to Huyen (as much as one turns backwards on a motorbike) and said, "Shouldn't your cousin have better things to do on her wedding night then call her wedding guests?"

Tam Coc

(PICTURE: Sebastian with our rower as we left the dock.)

Last weekend, before Huyen's cousins wedding, we crammed in a quick trip to Tam Coc. Tam Coc is often referred to as the "inland Halong Bay." My cousin Justin and I went there six months ago and I thought it was decent enough for a return trip. It's quite a beatiful place, but like Halong Bay it is over run with tourists.
(PICTURE: Huyen and I on our way to the limestone formations.)

Basically when you go to Tam Coc you hire a small boat and go for an hour and a half cruise along flooded rice paddies. The rowers sometimes paddle with their feet:

The trip takes you underneath three caves and to an eventual dead end. At the dead end are a bunch of vendors on boats trying to sell you food and souveniers. If you have the time, and its on your way, I would suggest Tam Coc.

Unfortunately we were pressed for time and didn't get a chance to go to a couple really cool pagodas near Tam Coc (I had gone to some with Justin).

Bai Dingh Pagoda

(PICTURE: My cousin Justin at the pagoda in October)

Back in October, on my road trip with my cousin Justin, we met a local in Nimh Binh who took us to Bai Dinh Pagoda. Bai Dinh pagoda is the largest pagoda in Southeast Asia. If you've been to Vietnam before and haven't heard of it, don't feel bad since it probably didn't exist -- the pagoda won't be finished until 2010.

This past weekend, Huyen, Sebastian (my friend visiting from LA) and I headed for a weekend away from Hanoi. Huyen's cousin was getting married and it gave us a good excuse to take in some sites. I told Huyen about the pagoda (she had never heard of it either) and we got there right around sunset. When Justin and I went we took a dirt road that connected to a large, empty, brand new road. This time the road was finished and there were even tour groups traveling to the pagoda.

(PICTURE: Huyen and I approaching the highest pagoda.)




(PICTURE: Sebastian in front of two of the Buddahs. Each Buddha weighs 11 tons. Yeah, those are pretty fat Buddhas.)

(PICTURE: Huyen and I in front of the pagoda after the sunset.)

Besides the nearly finished roads and the tour groups, a lot has changed in the six months since Justin and I visited Bai Dinh. One obvious change can be seen if you look at the first picture with Justin and the newest picture with Sebastian -- the Buddhas have mysteriously turned golden.

New Roommates

(PICTURE: Ryan's last time leaving our house.)

Within hours of Ryan leaving last week, my new roommates moved in. The new roommates are two couples who have been in Hanoi for quite a long time. There is a Polish couple who have been studying Vietnamese here for the last year and a half and a Polish/Korean couple who have been here for four years. In case you're wondering, the girl is Polish and the boy is Korean.

The new roommates are extremely nice and friendly but are making me really nervous. Why? Because four times in a week they've left the second floor balcony opened or unlocked. I am starting to feel extremely paranoid that I'm going to be robbed by ninjas my first and last months in Hanoi. That's the bad news.

The good news though is that the other day I took out the laundry of the Korean kid and hung his stuff on the clothesline. The first article of clothing I pulled out from the washing machine was a t-shirt that said: "Sex Instructor. First Lesson Free." I just hope he doesn't work from home. The second article of clothing I pulled out though was some kind of karate uniform. There wasn't a belt in the washing machine but I can only hope his rank is high enough to fight off the ninjas who he will soon be letting into my house.

Huyen and I miss you, Ryan!

(PICTURE: Our final goodbye with Ryan before he got into a taxi with Jessica.)

Policy

This will probably be the last post about Huyen's visa. Huyen and I have decided to wait till my next trip home to apply again for her visa. The guy from Waxman's office told me that it is an uphill battle to get a girlfriend a visa to the USA. He said that the state department doesn't give girlfriends/boyfriends visas because they want immigration to deal with those people. Yes, that's insane since Huyen is trying to visit the USA and not immigrate. I'm trying to think of a metaphor that is appropriate and the best I'm coming up with is going to the supermarket deli counter and ordering a half pound of honey turkey, only to be told to go talk to the people in the produce department because people like you usually like lettuce.

I wrote the guy in Waxman's office an email saying that as angry as I am about Huyen's individual case, I'm equally, if not more furious about the policy the embassy has of taken people's $131 just to sneak a peak at their bank account. The staffer in Waxman's office wrote me back saying, "Thank you for your email, and I wanted to let you know that I have forwarded it to Congressman Waxman and our legislative/policy aides in Washington DC for their consideration from a policy standpoint."

If anything this whole experience has cracked my rose colored glasses (that's an expression, right?) and opened my eyes. I have very little hope that Waxman will read an email from me but if he does, hell, that would be great. In the meantime though, I'll be writing an op-ed to the LA Times and New York Times.

Anyway, on to slightly less important things...

LETS GO ORANGE!!!! Win one for Huyen, Johnny Flynn!!!

Santa Monica Daily Press

On Sunday I wrote a letter to the editor of The Santa Monica Daily Press about Huyen's visa story. Included in the letter was a line saying that Waxman's office blew me off. The next morning I woke up with two emails. The first email was from The Santa Monica Daily Press saying they were going to publish my letter this week. The second email was from someone in Waxman's office saying he was on my case. The timing was extremely interesting from Waxman's office since I hadn't heard back from them in over two weeks. My gut tells me that someone called them about my letter (I had submitted letters to a few California newspapers). In fairness to Waxman's late effort, I emailed the SMDP back and asked them to remove the line about Waxman blowing me off. The editor, Kevin, removed the line and emailed me that my letter was being printed today.

You can see my letter at: http://www.smdp.com/Letters-3133.113116_Dream_deferred.html

The Santa Monica Daily Press isn't exactly the New York Times but it is in the heart of Waxman's jurisdiction. After feeling saddened by the lack of response by my congressman, it feels good to know that the first amendment is still in tact. When a person has a story to tell, they can tell it. Thanks for taking the time to read and to print my letter, Santa Monica Daily Press.

I'm Coming Home

On May 9th, at 9:35PM, I will land at Newark Airport. After going through customs, I will wrap my arms around the thing I have missed the most in my time in Vietnam...


...an Espisito's roast beef sandwich with roasted red peppers, balsamic vinegar and the works. Oh and I'll hug my parents too.

(Note: The picture above is of a Bay Cities deli sandwich in Santa Monica -- my second favorite deli in America. I will eat at least two of these sandwiches each day when I visit my friends in California.)

I've booked my flight home and much to my mother's happiness, I'll be back for Mother's Day. Starting on Mother's Day I will proceed to put on 10-15 pounds of good old American food. The binging will not stop until the first week of August...when I fly back to Hanoi. That's right, I bought a round trip ticket.

Congratulations Big Stu and Alyssa

(PICTURE: Big Stu and Alyssa. Note: they are sitting on a love seat, not a couch.)

Training for a bar mitzvah is hard work. I remember vividly being twelve years old and listening to a cassette tape made by Cantor Henry Butensky. Cantor Butensky's deep soothing voice was the complete opposite of my mid-puberty crackling baritone (okay, maybe I was an alto). I practiced my torah and haftorah portions every day, slowly gaining more confidence. On top of my unusually long responsibilities -- it was the first service of a new Jewish month which meant extra long verses -- I had an assortment of other prayers to learn. Thank god, I had a partner to share half the Saturday morning service responsiblities with. My partner's name was Russel Wachtler, a friend of some friend's of mine who went to the rival middle school across town. I didn't really know Russ but I was glad that I was going to be sharing the beema with him...

...but then one day about two months before my bar mitzvah, in my lesson with the cantor, I was given some terrible news: Russell Wachtler has "stage fright" and is going to have a smaller private service. I stared at Cantor Butensky blankly, wondering what exactly this meant for me. He quickly told me: "Since Russell won't be doing the service with you, you're going to have to do his parts too."

I can't tell you how angry I was. I wanted to yell at the cantor, "Fuck Russel Wachtler and his stupid stage fright!" but in those days I didn't really curse often and well, I really liked Cantor Butensky. In the end, I did the whole service myself, terrible voice and all. A couple years later Russell (AKA Big Stu) and I became good friends in high school and have remained good friends ever since. In fact, Russell is my East Coast beer pong partner. Yeah, we're that close.

So why am I telling you this story now? Well, Russell Wachtler just got engaged to his longtime girlfriend Alyssa Kessler. So yeah, Alyssa, consider this your warning -- keep the guest list small or else Russell might get "stage fright" two months before the wedding and you'll find yourself saying your vows in a nearly empty chapel in Atlantic City.

Congratulations to both of you. I have no doubt you're going to have a great life together! Please plan the engagement party for when I'm home this summer. Thanks!

(400) Days of Ahoy Hanoi

(PICTURE: Hanoi is celebrating Ahoy Hanoi's 400th entry! Ignore the wrong date on the bottom right of the picture.)

This is my 400th blog entry. Yes, 400th. I know, it's insane. The cool thing about hitting the 400 mark is that it allows me to post a lazy entry about my blog's data. Unfortunately I only signed
up to google analytics in September so these stats are for only for half the time the blog has existed. Yes, excuses excuses....

According to google analytics:

- Ahoy Hanoi has had 4,062 unique visitors.

- Ahoy Hanoi has had 27,675 page views.

- The average person spends 2 minutes and 55 seconds on the blog.

- Ahoy Hanoi is being read in 81 countries.

- In South America the blog has been read in Brazil, Venezuela, Columbia, Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia, Chile, Argentina and Uraguay. Screw you Paraguay, Guyana (French Guyana too!) and Suriname.

- Ahoy Hanoi is being read in Iran but it is not being read in North Korea. Screw you Kim Jong-il.

- Ahoy Hanoi is being read in "48 States". However, Alalytics is also telling me that it has never been read in South Dakota, Delaware, Arkansas or Mississippi. It is including Washington D.C. and unknown IP addresses as states. I know in the past I didn't mention Delaware but come on, it's Delaware.

- Ahoy Hanoi has been read in 41 languages (I don't really know what that means but it's a figure on Analytics).

- 75.84% of readers are return visitors.

- The first inappropriate words googled to get to my blog are: "Hanoi Sex Massage." This is the 16th most common google to find my blog. I'm happy to report that out of the people who have found my blog this way, the average person has continued to read my page for 59 seconds. I guess they were literally able to wait a minute to have sex.

Thanks for everyone for continuing to read my blog!

Vietnamese Women Don't Drink

Huyen has told me a few times that Vietnamese women don't drink. Over the past year I have seen her sip alcohol about six times. Usually if she has half a beer she'll start to turn red and complain that her heart is beating fast. I usually have a good laugh at this especially when she starts to complain that the room is spinning. Man, talk about a light weight!

Well, maybe it's not so funny. Ryan -- safe and sound back home in Boulder -- just sent me the New York Times article below. I'm cutting Huyen off as of now!

Blushing Drinkers at Risk for Esophageal Cancer

By NICHOLAS BAKALAR

Published: March 20, 2009

People whose faces turn red when they drink alcohol may be facing more than embarrassment. The flushing may indicate an increased risk for a deadly throat cancer, researchers report.

The flushing response, which may be accompanied by nausea and a rapid heartbeat, is caused mainly by an inherited deficiency in an enzyme called ALDH2, a trait shared by more than a third of people of East Asian ancestry — Japanese, Chinese or Koreans. As little as half a bottle of beer can trigger the reaction.

The deficiency results in problems in metabolizing alcohol, leading to an accumulation in the body of a toxin called acetaldehyde. People with two copies of the gene responsible have such unpleasant reactions that they are unable to consume large amounts of alcohol. This aversion actually protects them against the increased risk for cancer.

But those with only one copy can develop a tolerance to acetaldehyde and become heavy drinkers.

“What we’re trying to do here is raise awareness of this risk factor among doctors and their ALDH2-deficient patients," said Dr. Philip J. Brooks, an investigator with the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, and an author of the report published on Thursday in the journal PLoS Medicine. “It’s a pretty serious risk."

The malignancy, called squamous cell esophageal cancer, is also caused by smoking and can be treated with surgery, but survival rates are very low. Even moderate drinking increases the risk, but it rises sharply with heavier consumption. An ALDH2-deficient person who has two beers a day has six to 10 times the risk of developing esophageal cancer as a person not deficient in the enzyme.

Reducing drinking can significantly reduce the incidence of this cancer among Asian adults. The researchers calculate that if moderate- or heavy-drinking ALDH2-deficient Japanese men reduced their consumption to under nine drinks a week, 53 percent of esophageal squamous cell cancers in that group could be prevented.

There is some anecdotal evidence that young people treat the flushing as a cosmetic response to be countered with antihistamines while continuing to drink. Ignoring the symptom and continuing to drink is likely to increase the incidence of esophageal cancer, researchers said.

To determine risk, doctors can ask their patients two simple questions. First, do you flush after drinking a glass of beer? Second, in the first one or two years after you began drinking, did you flush after having a beer?

The second question covers the possibility that a person has become tolerant to the effect.

Dr. Brooks said that the two questions give doctors an easy way to find out if the patient is ALDH2-deficient. There is also a patch test in which an ethanol-soaked pad is applied to the skin. If it causes reddening after 10 or 15 minutes, there is a high likelihood that the person is ALDH2-deficient.

Children Love Me Part III

(PICTURE: Vietnamese school children watching me climb an old Russian satellite truck.)

My friend Sebastian is visiting me at the moment which means I get to play tour guide for the 183rd time. I took Sebastian to the Air Force Museum the other day and we happened to run into a Vietnamese Elementary School trip. The kids were way more excited by us then the old war relics. After tentatively watching us from afar, the kids mustered the courage to approach us. Actually approach isn't the right word. The kids mobbed us. While tugging on our arms the children practiced their Chapter 1 English skills:

1. What is your name?

2. How old are you?

3. Where are you from?

4. Can you speak Vietnamese?
(PICTURE: Flashing "peace" signs...although here it means "victory.")

(PICTURE: Sebastian and I were more popular than Ho Chi Minh at the musuem.)

This is my favorite picture from the day. I know it is shocking since you can't see me but what you can see is the kid apparently waving a gun on the right side. I'm curious if he stole it from the museum since guns are illegal in Vietnam.

Waxman = No Help

(PICTURE: Huyen's rejection letter.)

Last week I talked with a staffer at Congressman Waxman's office regarding Huyen's visa. The staffer sent me a form to fill out and told me to email him Huyen's documents. He also told me to call or email if I had any questions. I immediately emailed him a question and he didn't write back. I then filled out all the information and sent him the forms/documents...and he didn't write back. I then called the office and left a message. That was two days ago. No word back. So much for my congressman helping me out.

My anger has subsided a little over the last week but to be honest, I'm still pissed. It seems that nearly every day someone asks me about Huyen's visa and then tells me their own frustrating visa story. On my desk is Huyen's rejection letter which is a reminder of how impersonal the application process is. Having been brushed aside by my congressman after emailing me a standard form to fill out, I now feel like I've been given my own rejection letter. The government seems pretty good at saying, "Hey, we listened to you for a second and gave you a piece of paper. What more do you want?"

Fruit

(PICTURE: One of my local fruit vendors. Picture courtesy of Veronica.)

How many of these fruits can you name?

In Vietnam you have a few options when it comes to buying fruits and vegetables.

OPTION 1: The first option is to buy your produce at the supermarket. This is a good option if you don't mind paying twice the price for fruit that never seems totally fresh.

OPTION 2: The second option is to buy your fruit from a fruit stand. The stands always have a wide variety of fruits but the price is a tad higher than option 3.

OPTION 3: Option three is to buy fruit from the ladies (or occasional guy) who sells fruit from the baskets on the back of their bikes. The fruit here is always fresh and cheap. However, you have to deal with ladies who are often as sour as the grapefruits they're selling. There are plenty of nice fruit vendors but on occasion you get one who tries to rip you off. There's this one lady around the corner who always tries to give me more pineapple than I want so she can charge me more. The other day I told her I wanted 15,000 worth of pineapple. She agreed and then threw another pineapple into the bag and told me to give her 20,000. I said no. She said yes. I said no. She said yes. I said no and then walked away and got on my motorbike. She chased after me and grabbed me and then re-agreed to our original price. I then handed her a 20,000 bill because I didn't have change. She then tried to give me just 2,000 change. I said no and grabbed back my 20,000 bill. After proceeding to play tug-o-war for fifteen seconds she finally lamented. To me, it's not the 5,000 dong but the principal that is annoying. I always willingly let the vendors rip me off a little but when they try to take advantage of me (and laugh to their neighboring friends that they are charging me more) I get ticked. I'm now buying pineapple from the lady across the street from my old pineapple lady...she at least says she's charging me 20,000 dong from the start.

Superman

(PICTURE: Viet Hoang with Superman)

Last week was Huyen's nephew's birthday. Huyen had to work so I drove out to her sister's house by myself. I asked Huyen what gift to get and she told me that her nephew, "likes Superman."

In Hanoi there is a street which just sells toys. I went to the street and started scouting out Superman dolls. All the toys were clear knock-offs from China. After going to four stores I found a giant Superman figure that came with a light saber. Why a light saber? I don't know.

Upon arriving at Huyen's sister's house I gave her nephew his present. He looked at the Superman figure as if he had never seen Superman in his life. I said to her sister that, "Huyen told me Viet Hoang like Superman." Huyen's sister said, "Yes he loves Superman." She then pointed at a bunch of figures on a desk. Not one of the figures was Superman. They were all robots or other action figures. Apparently this was a lost in translation moment. Viet Hoang doesn't like Superman. He likes super men.
(PICTURE: Viet Hoang with a real life Super Man, Huyen's dad.)

Viet Hoang left Superman in the box for a couple of hours and proceeded to only play with the light saber...which turned out to be the most annoying present ever. It made this really loud noise when you hit the trigger. Viet Hoan spent the next three hours hitting people with the light saber while simultaneously giving us all a headache with the annoying noise.

Happy 90th Birthday, Nanny!!!

First let me tell you that on my grandma's birthday I called her two times. I'm only telling you that to take away from the clearly terrible grandson I am for not blogging about her birthday...15 days ago!

If you met my grandmother you would never know she just turned 90 years old. When I showed Huyen pictures of my grandma she said, "No! She's not 90!"

Besides the fact that my grandma has tons of energy, she is frankly the coolest grandma I know. My grandma is hip. She always knows the latest fashions and trends. My grandma is also fun. She's got a 1,001 great stories and is always a pleasure to spend time with.

Although she misses me, she has completely encouraged what I've been doing the last year. I love my grandma and wish I could have helped celebrate her birthday.

I'll give you belated birthday hugs in a couple months, Nanny! Love you!

Safe Travels, Ryan!

Nearly a year ago, on April 30th, Ryan left Hanoi to go teach in Ho Chi Minh City. I wrote this blog about it:

http://ahoyhanoi.blogspot.com/2008/04/love-aint-easy.html

In case you're too lazy to click on that link, I wrote: "...it's been a great month and a half hanging out with Ryan. The highest compliment I can bestow on a person is to say that, 'he's a good guy.' Well, Ryan is a really good guy."

A couple of days after Ryan flew to Ho Chi Minh City, he had a change of heart. He decided he'd rather spend his year in Hanoi and promptly flew back. I couldn't be happier that Ryan changed his mind. He's not only made a great roommate over the last 11 months, but he's been an amazing friend. Without a doubt, my time in Vietnam wouldn't have been nearly as great without Ryan. What I said last April rings truer today than ever before: Ryan is a really good guy.

Safe travels, Ryan. We're gonna miss you here.

SWAT TEAM

(PICTURE: CSCD Police. This picture is a rarity -- they never come out during the day.)

There's a strange occurrence that happens every night in Hanoi around 11PM. As the city begin to quiet, the storefronts close, and the night time garbage crews sweep the streets, a special branch of police start to appear in the shadows. Who they are, I'm not exactly sure. They have CSCD written on their uniforms. I don't know what that stands for so I've just started to call them the Vietnamese SWAT TEAM.

About nine months ago, while riding home late at night, I passed two motorbikes. On each motorbike were two guys wearing all black -- including I think bullet proof vests -- and holding machine guns. I'm no gun expert by any means but they sort of look like this:

This definitely isn't the exact gun but you get the point. There's dudes dressed in black carrying big guns in the shadows at night.

After that first time seeing the SWAT TEAM, it was a couple months before I saw them again. As Ryan can attest, I'm not exactly a frequent bar goer so I'm not on the streets that often late at night. However, from time to time I've seen these guys and my curiosity is always peaked.

About two weeks ago, during the day, I was riding my bike and saw an army truck drive buy with a dozen of these guys sitting in the back. I was shocked that these guys could actually come out in the daylight.

Last week I got an email from a "long time listener, first time caller" named Jacob Gold. Jacob told me he was once pulled over by these police at night. That's an experience I'm hoping I never have in Hanoi.

Mannequins

(PICTURE: A mannequin shop in Hanoi. Photo courtesy of Veronica.)

I had an interesting -- but definitely not unusual -- experience last month when I was on my bike trip. As Long, Nicky and I pulled into a small town in the middle of nowhere, I spotted a foreigner up ahead on the sidewalk. I thought to myself, "I can't believe there are other non Vietnamese people in this town." Well, there weren't. The foreigner up ahead was a mannequin.

One thing you will notice in Vietnam is that 99% of the mannequins are white people. The other 1% aren't Asian either, they're black. I've found this to be an odd phenomenon the whole time I've been in Vietnam. A girl friend of mine commented the other day that the strangest things about the mannequins is that Vietnamese people don't have the same shaped bodies. She said that if you look closely at the mannequins you'll notice that the pants are never buttoned or zipped. Apparently Asian hips, and the pants they try to squeeze on the mannequins, are a lot smaller.

While we were on the subject of mannequins someone else brought up a strange mannequin sighting that had just happened to them. They were driving their motorbike when in the corner of their eye they saw a naked torso driving next to them. They turned their head and saw some dude driving with the top half of a mannequin sitting in front of him on his motorbike. The legs were tied to the back.

Now back to my initial story. I personally think the strangest thing about the mannequins here is that they are often on the sidewalk. When you drive by, or even walk up to them, it makes them feel a lot more real when they are out and about in society and not just in storefront windows.

Mr. Rogers

(PICTURE: The neighborhood kids chalked my front steps.)

I've become Mr. Rogers. Last week I was walking home when I heard a little kid on my street yell out, "Hello!!!". I saw one of the neighbor kids and said hi back and waved. Just then I heard another "Hello!!!". I looked to my left and another kid was waving from their door front. Seconds later a "Hello!!!" came from up above. There was another little girl waving from a balcony at me. Then two more "Hellos!!!" came from my next door neighbor's house. The two cute little girls from that house came outside and slapped me five (I taught them that a couple of weeks ago).

All the kids, under 8, on my street now love to try and talk with me. I think when I first moved to my block they were a little scared of me but have now more than warmed up to me. In fact, the 7 year old across the street ran into my house the other day, grabbed my badminton racquets and dragged me outside to play with her.

And then there was the time I came home and my front walk was covered in graffiti. The kids next door had written my name a whole bunch of times. The ironic thing is that they also wrote Huyen's name...and spelled it wrong. I guess my English lessons are paying off for the kids of to 122.

The Boy Is Back In Town

I've got great news to report: Hayden is back to Hanoi!!!!


(PICTURE: Asia can't punch Hayden out!)

If you were late to the Ahoy Hanoi bandwagon, Hayden is my friend/colleague who was lost in the jungle of Laos for 11 days in August:

http://ahoyhanoi.blogspot.com/2008/08/hayden-update_26.html

Hayden told his story to us last night and it was terrifying to say the least. I'm not sure which part was more surreal, his being chased and eaten alive by hundreds of lizards or when he recalled asking his doctor in Bangkok if he was going to live. The doctor replied, "We don't think so but you should be able to hold on long enough to see your mother."

I said it before and I'll say it again, Hayden is one of the good guys I've met over the past year. Hayden has a smile and a good word for everyone he meets. Seeing him alive, healthy and smiling put me in great spirits.

Hollywood, if you haven't bought Hayden's story yet, you better get on it!

(PICTURE: Hayden, Nicky and I at Le Pub.)

Jack Fruit

(PICTURE: Jack Fruit in the foreground, Huyen and I buy pineapple in the background. Photo courtesy of Veronica.)

One of my favorite fruits in Vietnam is called Jack Fruit. Seemingly on every other corner in Hanoi is a vendor (or sometimes seven in a row) selling the flesh of this enormous fruit. 1 kilogram of Jack Fruit generally goes for between 40,000-50,000 Dong. That's just about $3.

According to Wikipedia, "Jack Fruit is the largest tree borne fruit in the world," and, "the fruits can reach 36 kg (80 lbs) in weight and up to 90 cm (36 in) long and 50 cm (20 in) in diameter."

If you do the math, a vendor could potentially sell all of the flesh of a Jack Fruit for nearly $100. How great of a job is that?! You can make a good living while enjoying delicious fruit.

One other thing, Jack Fruit is very high in fiber. Yeah, it makes you fart a lot. A mental note I should have given myself a long time ago: "Don't eat Jack Fruit before teaching."

Huyen's Visa Story Part 4

First off, thanks for your emails and comments. I've received dozens of letters from people about Huyen's visa rejection. The most common reaction in the letters was surprise. Some people were shocked that it was the United States that rejected Huyen and not Vietnam. A lot of people think that Vietnam is like East Germany back in the day and that nobody is allowed out without special permission. The fact is, Vietnam doesn't blink an eye if its citizens want to travel abroad. The whole rejection is on the USA's shoulders.

I've received dozens of suggestions on what step to take next. Many people have suggested that my father, the mayor, should call his congressman. Others have suggested that my sister should make a call to some of her senator contacts. For the record, I have told both my father and sister that I don't want their help. That said, as much as they would love to help me, ethically they wouldn't anyway. I remember when I was a child and my father was on the Board of Education, he never requested that his children get a specific teacher. My dad doesn't believe in abusing power and he's passed down those ethics to his children. I want to treat this frustrating situation like one of the probably 1,000s of average citizens who deals with this all the time.

I've also received lots of emails from people suggesting -- how should I word this -- slightly shady ways to pursue the visa. The thing to keep in mind is that Huyen is just trying to get a visitor's visa. She only wants to come for a quick visit. That said, it is a very real possibility that down the line Huyen and I will want to move to America. As angry as I am at America right now, its still where I want to raise my children. Huyen and I don't want to do anything that isn't completely honest that could prohibit her from getting a permanent visa a few years from now.

My initial reaction to Huyen's rejection was to write letters to newspapers and magazines. I've written a letter for Newsweek's "MY TURN" but haven't submitted it yet. I'm also drafting an op-ed about the ludicruous interview fee in developing countries. i.e. The equivelent of a Vietnamese person paying $131 just for an interview is equal to an American paying $4,800 to possibly get permission to go on vacation.

I haven't sent the letters yet because a few politically savvy friends of mine insisted that I contact my congressman before I did anything else. Last night (Vietnam time) I called my Santa Monica congressman's office. I'm still registered to vote in Santa Monica and plan on moving back there upon returning to the states. The cool thing about being repped in Santa Monica is that we have one of the most influential congressman in the House of Representatives -- Congressman Henry Waxman. If you've watched CSPAN for more than an hour in your life, chances are you've seen his face a few times. But in case you haven't, here's a good picture of him tussling with Bush:



I talked with a friendly staffer at the Congressman's LA office who emailed me a form to fill out and told me to email him Huyen's documents. He said that Congressman Waxman will send a letter the the Hanoi embassy but that a) Huyen would have to apply again b) Yes, applying again means paying another $131 c) A letter from the congressman is no guarantee that Huyen will be granted a visa.

I've literally been angry since last Wednesday. Those who know me know that I'm pretty easy going and rarely get pissed off. I mean when I was robbed by ninjas last year and lost all of my stuff, I just made a joke out of it. However, this past week I've been pissed. I mean really pissed. I haven't had a good night's sleep in five days because I wake up at three AM with ideas for the op-ed. I've literally had angry dreams about applying for the visa.

It seems that Huyen's visa is the only thing I can talk/email about. A lot of expats in Hanoi keep asking me if Huyen got her visa and upon telling them about her being rejected they start to share their own pissed off stories. Jim, the director of studies at my school and one of the most chill people I've ever met, turned red with anger recanting a few visa rejection stories:

A) A former student of his lost a full scholarship to the University of Montana because the embassy thought the kid was going to skip college to work at his uncle's restaurant in California.

B) A charity, in conjunction with a San Diego hospital, was going to fly a little girl to San Diego to get skin graphs for her severly burnt body. The embassy rejected her visa. In the end, after the charity caused an uproar, the embassy reversed its decision. But the fact that they had to think twice about it is sickening.

The fact of the matter is, I've been embarrassed about America since the moment the interviewer told Huyen she, "Is too young and not rich enough to go to America." That's not the America that I boast about to my students and Vietnamese friends when they ask me questions about life in America. That said, it makes me proud that I can still pick up a phone (or skype) and dial my congressman's number and gets someone on the phone who wants to help me. I don't know how much Congressman Waxman can really do but at least he's going to try to do something. Knowing that, last night I slept through the night for the first time since last Thursday.

The Economy

Newsflash: The world's economy ain't doing so good.

I've gotten emails from people asking how the world financial crisis has effected Vietnam, so here's my response:

Originally there were no signs of change here. In fact, oddly enough, the US dollar got stronger for a couple of weeks. However, that's recently changed. The US dollar is about where it was the whole time I was here. However, property values in Hanoi have started to lower. The government also just announced that there will be no income tax for the next five months to try and help stimulate the economy.

On a personal note, the economy has hit my bank account directly. About five months ago I opened an account with ANZ - Australia New Zealand Bank. I was wowed with my new online savings account because it had a very high interest rate of 10%. It was so high that I thought of even transferring some of my money from the states into my Vietnamese account. However, the good times have ended. The other day I went to the bank and found out that the interest rate on my account has dropped to 4%!! That's right, it's dropped 6% in just a few months. So much for transferring my US dollars over here...

Numbers On The Walls

(PHOTO: Telephone numbers written on the exterior of a house. Photo courtesy of Veronica.)

How many times have you had a problem at your house and torn apart your kitchen cabinet looking for your plumbers phone number? Well, in Vietnam they have a simple solution so you don't lose the digits for home repair guys -- they write their numbers on the wall of your house.

All over Vietnam you'll see numbers written on the walls of alleys/homes. According to Huyen, my unofficial Vietnam guide, these are phone numbers for plumbers, electricians, locksmiths, etc. Granted nowadays we have cell phones that store five hundred numbers, but how many of us really keep our electricians information in our mobiles? When you think about it, it makes sense -- if you're locked out of the house and can't get to your phone book, you can just walk around to the side of your house and look up the locksmith.

My Vietnamese Niece

I'm not the only unofficial half Vietnamese August. My niece is now officially half Vietnamese! Check her out in the dress I bought her in Sapa:

Oh, and happy belated six month birthday Lilah!!!!

Huyen's Visa Story Part 3

After two hours of sitting in a cafe, a half a block from the US Embassy, my phone rang. It was Huyen's number. I picked it up and said, "Hello." There was silence on the other end. After a moment I heard through a choked up voice, "I'm done now."

Huyen didn't get her visa.

I'm not sure what to write because I'm full of anger at the moment. Huyen was handed a form sheet with the reason why she was rejected. There were two blanks on the sheet: "Depending on the nonimmigrant visa classification, other requirements could also apply and have also been the basis for refusal of the visa. In your case you have applied for a B1/B2 (enter Visa type here), but have failed to demonstrate your eligibility due to the lack of ties (short description of missing component)."

The two bolded things are what the interviewer scribbled in. He then said to Huyen that she is too young and doesn't have enough money to go to America. I love my country, but this is fucking bullshit.

I could go on a rant about how Huyen has all her ties to Vietnam (her family, her job, her bank accounts, etc. etc.). But I won't. I could go on a rant about how America is a country that favors the rich -- words literally said to Huyen at the embassy. But I won't. I could go on a rant about how in tough economic times, the USA should open their arms to tourism. But I won't. I could go on a rant about the dozens of times Huyen has befriended/given rides/bought ice cream or dinner for American friends of friends who have come tho Hanoi this past year and when it was America's turn to show some kindness they slammed the door in her face. But I won't. I could go on about how America was once a nation of immigrants but now we're the hardest nation in the world to even just visit. But I won't. I could go on about the criminality of charging $131 for a five minute interview in a country where the average yearly income is $832 (according to our state department's website). But I won't. I could go on a rant about lots of things floating around in my head. But I won't.

All I'm going to say is this: After hanging up the phone with Huyen, I quickly jogged over to the embassy. Huyen was standing in front of the building, tears forming in her eyes. As I hugged her she said, "I really wanted to meet your grandmas, and your brother, and your sister-in-law, and your niece and to see your parents and your sister."

As I typed this, for the first time since I hugged my family goodbye at JFK airport last year, I have tears streaming down my face.

Huyen's Visa Story Part 2

(Huyen and her birth certificate...which I think is printed on the brown bags they give at the super market in America.)

(Huyen and her "family book.")

I've received many emails from people asking what the status was on Huyen's visa. It's been a few months since I posted, "Huyen's Visa Story Part 1." Basically since November Huyen has been collecting documents to bring to her visa interview. Here's a list of some of the documents:
1. Her birth certificate.
2. Her college diploma.
3. Her college transcript.
4. Her work contract (Huyen changed jobs recently so we had to wait for her new contract).
5. A letter from her boss saying she can take six weeks off of work.
6. Her family book. What's a family book? Yeah, I didn't know either. Basically it is an official register of everyone in your family and where they are.
7. Printed bank account statements from her bank.
8. Her apartment lease.
9. A sponsor letter from me.
10. Copies of my bank accounts/work contract/lease. I'm trying to show that I have been living in Vietnam.
11-20...various other documents.

From what I hear, the visa interview lasts about 90 seconds...and sometimes they don't even look at your documents. Oh, and did I mention that you have to pay $131 cash just for the interview. Yeah, whether or not you get your visa you're out $131. Oh, and one other thing, after 90 seconds they tell you right away whether or not you'll get your visa. Huyen is so excited about visiting my family that I'd be scared for the officer if he rejects her. After all, this is a girl who got the highest mark possible at her required army training camp. She's a "tough cookie" as my father would say.

I've spoken to a lot of people about getting a visa and basically what it comes down to is this: You have to prove to the immigration officer that you will 100% return to Vietnam and not stay in the USA. To me this seems silly since there is no chance Huyen would stay in the states. All her family members, possessions, prospects are in Vietnam. She's coming for a visit and that's it.

There are three types of visas Huyen could apply for:
A. A work visa. She would need to have a work reason to go to the states. This is the easiest to get if you have a company sponsor you.
B. A Visitor visa (This is what we're applying for).
C. A fiance visa. My friend Alex's cousin is applying for this for his Ecuadorian fiance. This visa requires the most leg work but is probably the easiest way to get a significant other into the USA. There's just one hitch -- you have to get married within 90 days after entering the USA.

A Vietnamese friend of mine who was rejected a long time ago for a visitor visa told me that "Huyen has no chance." Being an optimist, I like to think she's got a pretty good shot. Her interview is TODAY so think good thoughts for her!!!

Music Video

You may have noticed over the last year that I like to make music videos....or really videos set to music. I make no claims to be good at editing and am admittedly an amateur. For inspiration I've looked towards the works of some great masters of film: John Ford, Billy Wilder, Milos Forman, Martin Scorsese, Coppola, Sydney Pollack, Sam Friedlander, the Coen Brothers, William Friedkin, Robert Redford, Hitchcock, King Kidor, etc. etc. However, there is one inspiration that trumps all the others: my buddy Tom. You may remember Tom from this photo:

Over the last couple of years Tom has been making music videos in his free time. Tom, like in his bathing suit, likes to get freaky with his work. Here's his latest video in his own words:

Please check out the new music video i directed for the song "Funeral Pyre Eyes" by ALL PARALLELS. The idea behind the video is that i took an old Earth Wind and Fire music video and put the 3 members of ALL PARALLELS in the video with them.

Pass this on to everybody you can and leave a comment if you could.

ok, hope you enjoy, time to get funky!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUtFKzIttsU

love

Thomas Tancred

Double Digits!

Ten months ago I went to the Hanoi International Airport with my buddy Steve to pick up my friend Devin. While waiting for his flight to arrive, Steve went to the bathroom and I took a seat across from two cute Vietnamese girls wearing traditional dresses. I smiled at the girl on the right and she smiled back. A couple minutes later Steve came out of the bathroom and started to chat up the girls. I never could have imagined that I'd spend nearly every day over the next ten months with the girl who I smiled at...

...and every day since then she's kept me smiling.

Made In Vietnam II

I have been wearing the same two pairs of sneakers for the past year. I have my "athletic shoes" which are a pair of black Nike running shoes and my "casual sneakers" which are a pair of Nike high tops:
(PICTURE: I'm not sure if this picture is blurry or my shoes are just that dirty."

I love my high tops -- a style I've stolen from my buddy Tom in LA -- but recently they've started to hurt my feet. They're really worn in and don't exactly feel like they're supporting my feet. I've been reluctant to throw them away because I know I can't buy a pair like them out here....or can I? Last night I looked in my shoe and saw this tag:

That's right, my Nike's are made in 'Nam! It might be time for a motorbike trip to find all the places where my clothing/backpack/shoes were made in this country. If you're curious, my other Nikes' were made in China.