Jenny's Journey

(PICTURE: Joy riding in Ha Noi at 2:40AM)

When I was a kid I had a computer game for my Apple IIe called, "Jenny's Journey." The game was really simple: Jenny needed to get to X place in town and you had to give her directions based on a map. Well, I rocked the game and grew up with an uncanny sense of direction. If only Mom and Dad had bought me another Apple IIe game called, "Vu's Vietnamese Lessons" I'd actually be able to talk to a pharmacist and say, "I have a very red and irritated diaper rash." 

Anyway, that's besides the point. The point is, in general I have a very good sense of direction. Last night this came into play. Here's the cliff notes version of what happened (for the long, Asian slanted version go read Song's blog):

After a long night out a bunch of us left a French ex-pat party to go to a late night bar/club/lounge called Solace. Five of us were in a cab, two were on motorbikes and one was on a bicycle. The one on the bicycle was Ryan. This was a bad idea since:

a) A bicycle is much slower than a car and a motorbike

b) Ryan doesn't know Doi Can from Han Phu from Ba Ding street or any other street in Ha Noi.

c) Despite a genius plan of Ryan following a motorbike, the motorbike took off without him.

d) We were in a part of town very far from anywhere Ryan had ever been. 

It only took two minutes for Ryan to be separated from the pack and then two hours to figure out a plan to get him home. The plan--I believe it was plan D-- involved me riding the bike home at 2:30AM while Song and Ryan enjoyed the rain-free luxury of a taxi. There were a few problems with this plan too: 

a) The aforementioned rain.

b) The map I took from the cab driver was torn exactly on the route I needed to go.

c)  The only vehicles on the road late at night are GIANT construction trucks.

d) The fact that I was wearing A BLACK SHIRT and DARK JEANS and the bike HAD NO LIGHT made me a tad invisible to those trucks mentioned in C.

e) The pot holes that line the streets here were filled with that rain I keep talking about so I really couldn't see them. 

Well, those are the first five problems. The good news was:

a) My late night bike riding practice in Santa Monica prepared me for this journey.

b) My map skills that I bragged about at the beginning of this email were in full effect. 

c) I could hear the big trucks coming so I would casually ride over near the sidewalk and wait for them to rumble by. 

d) I got out of paying any part of the HUGE taxi fare that was accumulated do to two hours of dropping people off at Solace/looking for Ryan/trying to get Ryan home, etc. 

As they say, alls well that ends well. (although I'm not sure how happy Christine, the bike owner, is going to be when she finds out she has come crosstown to get her bike). 

Finally, I want to give a big ahoyhanoi happy birthday shout-out to the mother of my niece. Happy Birthday, Kathy!!!!

 

Turn Down The AC!

 (PICTURE: Guards in front of Uncle Ho's Mausoleum. No, these guys weren't saluting because it's part of their job, they were saluting because they are big "ahoy hanoi" readers. The third one down on the left recognized me right away and challenged me to Connect Four tonight.) 

This morning we went inside that giant concrete building and checked out Uncle Ho in his glass resting case. A few casual observations:

1. It was the most air-conditioned room in all of Asia. It was freaking freezing in there. 

2. There was a special step-stool around the case for little children; and there were a lot of little children on school trips checking out UH. 

3. I think I can get one of the Guards' uniforms copied in Hoi An for about $40 (depending on whether I want to step up to a nicer material).

4. It seemed a little tacky but they were playing Queen's "We Are The Champions" on a loop inside the mausoleum. 

5. Despite, every guide book saying Uncle Ho looks like wax, I thought he looked like a really old dead guy in glass. 

It Takes A Big Man To Play Basketball And Checkers

(PICTURE: Some random dude who looks like Chris Place. I forgot my camera --aka didn't want to ride my motorbike with it-- so I stole this picture from this guy's blog. That's John McCain's flight suit in the glass case behind him)  

Yesterday I went to the "Ha Noi Hilton"--the place where John McCain spent 7 years during the Vietnam war-- and it turns out that it was called the Hilton not as a joke, but because these guys were kept in plush luxury. According to the photos at the museum -- and the Vietnamese Government would never slant anything -- these "prisoners" got to play basketball in the courtyard, checkers in their room, snack on almonds by the stockades and overall just get to chill out. Even solitary confinement was a breeze here since two people would get to share "the hole." Frankly, I'm decent at basketball (I can rebound), not too shabby at checkers, I love almonds, and hey, put me in the hole with a buddy of mine for a few days and we'll share laughs and stories without a problem.  What I'm trying to say is, I'd really appreciate it if everyone could start referring to me as an, "American Hero."

Yes, I'm bitter that my guts telling me that somehow the Republicans are going to win in '08. 

In other exciting news, I finally have mastered how to say, "I'm an English Teacher here in Vietnam and those two are tourists. They buy. I don't." This comes in handy whenever Ryan, Steve and I are approached by annoying, haggling street vendors. 

No Red-Heads In 'Nam

(PICTURE: Brett busy reading my blog at work)

Despite having been in Asia for two months, I'm still not over the feeling that people look at me as if I have three heads whenever I walk down the street. People still turn in wonderment, children still yell out "hello" followed by a giggle, and motorbike drivers --even if I'm standing next to my motorbike holding a helmet-- ask me if I need a ride. 

That said, I was thinking yesterday: "If they think I'm a freak, I wonder how they would react to a pale red-head." Just like birds in Guangzhou, I haven't seen a red-head in 'Nam yet. They just don't exist. Nada. Zilch. None.  Speaking of red-heads, I wanted to give a shout out to my favorite one-- Happy Birthday, Brett!

In other news, I was told the other night that during the rainy season my alleyway floods about two feet high. Thank goodness my room is on the second floor! 

Motorbikes and Massages

(PICTURE: Me on my bike in Da Nang) 

This morning I bought two helmets: one for me and one for you. Yup, you, my future visitor. One helmet is maroon and the other is black. You can choose which you want. 

After purchasing the helmets, Steve, Ryan and I drove around Ha Noi for a few hours. I thought the best way to get used to the city was just to get lost in it. We ended up going around the largest lake in Ha Noi and finding a great breakfast spot for American breakfast. On the way back towards my house I nearly got into my first accident. I was making a right turn and some punk and his girlfriend/sister was making a left onto the street I was on. We both slammed on our brakes, smiled at each other and drove off. We were probably lucky not to hit each other but even if we did I would have been fine with my new solid Honda bike helmet. 

This afternoon we all decided to get massages. We went to a  place called, "Just Massages" in some alley in my neighborhood. It's a pretty famous place because it gives seeing impaired people jobs as masseuses. This may sound familiar since I blogged in Shanghai about a famous "blind masseuse." Well, apparently they are everywhere and I'm 99% sure that none of the employees are actually blind. Okay, that's not totally true since when I was waiting for my massage in the lobby a woman literally walked into me and slammed her elbow into my head. Standing behind her was some guy who motioned to me that she couldn't see. That said, the guy who gave me a massage (yes, a guy...no jokes Hannah) had perfect vision. He also had a love of dishing out pain. I asked for a shiatsu massage rather than a Swedish one because my back has been killing me. Well the guy proceeded to torture me for an hour. Some of the worst moments were when:

a) he pulled my hair for literally 10 minutes

b) he punched me in the back about fifty times

c) he gave me an indian burn on my ears

d) he found/pushed/elbowed every pressure point in my body

e) he gave each one of my fingers an indian burn

f) he pushed my eye-sockets backwards

g) he stretched me in positions that even yoga masters couldn't do

Anyway, I'm 99% sure I'm going to have a dozen black and blue marks tomorrow but my back is actually feeling pretty good. 

Off to dinner in a bit...

The Tickle Bug

(PHOTO: Ryan and I introducing Hien to the tickle bug)

I awoke yesterday morning with a text message from Hien: "I miss traveling." Well, Ryan and I miss having Hien traveling with us...and not just because she translates everything for us. 

Motorbike, Happy Birthday and Congratulations...

(PICTURE: Ryan and Steve -- yes, he is always shirtless -- in my room prior to buying my new, slightly less ugly sheets)

After much deliberation and many different opinions, I've decided to rent a motorbike for the month before buying one. A lot of locals last night were encouraging me to buy this old Belarus bike called a Minsk. Apparently any mechanic can repair them and they are also dirt cheap. That said, I've been riding around Vietnam on Honda Waves for the last couple weeks. The Wave is light, easy to ride and is probably the most popular bike in Vietnam which means it can also be fixed by any mechanic. It also makes me look pretty damn awesome. 

Steve also decided to rent a bike for the month and he too got a wave. Upon leaving the rental place Steve wasted no time in getting into an accident...with a parked motorbike. I picked up Pallavi (my new flatmate) and drove the two of us back to our house. I quickly realized that driving two people is WAY harder than just driving one. I switched the bike into third gear, dodged thousands of cars and other motorbikes and somehow made it back to the place without a scratch. I figure if I can survive driving in the worst part of town (the Old Quarter) with someone on my bike, during rush hour, I'll be okay.  Oh, Steve and the bike are fine for those who care.

Just want to wish Alex a happy birthday. Welcome to old age, my friend. We're almost at that age where one might grow some grey hairs...

That said, our good buddy Jed decided to upstage our birthdays by proposing last night to his long time girlfriend and fellow Orange Lena. For some reason she accepted. I have a big suspicion that she thinks lastnightsgarbage.com is going to be the next google and is trying to get in on that. Anyway, congrats Jed and Lena!