Turn Down The AC!

 (PICTURE: Guards in front of Uncle Ho's Mausoleum. No, these guys weren't saluting because it's part of their job, they were saluting because they are big "ahoy hanoi" readers. The third one down on the left recognized me right away and challenged me to Connect Four tonight.) 

This morning we went inside that giant concrete building and checked out Uncle Ho in his glass resting case. A few casual observations:

1. It was the most air-conditioned room in all of Asia. It was freaking freezing in there. 

2. There was a special step-stool around the case for little children; and there were a lot of little children on school trips checking out UH. 

3. I think I can get one of the Guards' uniforms copied in Hoi An for about $40 (depending on whether I want to step up to a nicer material).

4. It seemed a little tacky but they were playing Queen's "We Are The Champions" on a loop inside the mausoleum. 

5. Despite, every guide book saying Uncle Ho looks like wax, I thought he looked like a really old dead guy in glass. 

It Takes A Big Man To Play Basketball And Checkers

(PICTURE: Some random dude who looks like Chris Place. I forgot my camera --aka didn't want to ride my motorbike with it-- so I stole this picture from this guy's blog. That's John McCain's flight suit in the glass case behind him)  

Yesterday I went to the "Ha Noi Hilton"--the place where John McCain spent 7 years during the Vietnam war-- and it turns out that it was called the Hilton not as a joke, but because these guys were kept in plush luxury. According to the photos at the museum -- and the Vietnamese Government would never slant anything -- these "prisoners" got to play basketball in the courtyard, checkers in their room, snack on almonds by the stockades and overall just get to chill out. Even solitary confinement was a breeze here since two people would get to share "the hole." Frankly, I'm decent at basketball (I can rebound), not too shabby at checkers, I love almonds, and hey, put me in the hole with a buddy of mine for a few days and we'll share laughs and stories without a problem.  What I'm trying to say is, I'd really appreciate it if everyone could start referring to me as an, "American Hero."

Yes, I'm bitter that my guts telling me that somehow the Republicans are going to win in '08. 

In other exciting news, I finally have mastered how to say, "I'm an English Teacher here in Vietnam and those two are tourists. They buy. I don't." This comes in handy whenever Ryan, Steve and I are approached by annoying, haggling street vendors. 

No Red-Heads In 'Nam

(PICTURE: Brett busy reading my blog at work)

Despite having been in Asia for two months, I'm still not over the feeling that people look at me as if I have three heads whenever I walk down the street. People still turn in wonderment, children still yell out "hello" followed by a giggle, and motorbike drivers --even if I'm standing next to my motorbike holding a helmet-- ask me if I need a ride. 

That said, I was thinking yesterday: "If they think I'm a freak, I wonder how they would react to a pale red-head." Just like birds in Guangzhou, I haven't seen a red-head in 'Nam yet. They just don't exist. Nada. Zilch. None.  Speaking of red-heads, I wanted to give a shout out to my favorite one-- Happy Birthday, Brett!

In other news, I was told the other night that during the rainy season my alleyway floods about two feet high. Thank goodness my room is on the second floor! 

Motorbikes and Massages

(PICTURE: Me on my bike in Da Nang) 

This morning I bought two helmets: one for me and one for you. Yup, you, my future visitor. One helmet is maroon and the other is black. You can choose which you want. 

After purchasing the helmets, Steve, Ryan and I drove around Ha Noi for a few hours. I thought the best way to get used to the city was just to get lost in it. We ended up going around the largest lake in Ha Noi and finding a great breakfast spot for American breakfast. On the way back towards my house I nearly got into my first accident. I was making a right turn and some punk and his girlfriend/sister was making a left onto the street I was on. We both slammed on our brakes, smiled at each other and drove off. We were probably lucky not to hit each other but even if we did I would have been fine with my new solid Honda bike helmet. 

This afternoon we all decided to get massages. We went to a  place called, "Just Massages" in some alley in my neighborhood. It's a pretty famous place because it gives seeing impaired people jobs as masseuses. This may sound familiar since I blogged in Shanghai about a famous "blind masseuse." Well, apparently they are everywhere and I'm 99% sure that none of the employees are actually blind. Okay, that's not totally true since when I was waiting for my massage in the lobby a woman literally walked into me and slammed her elbow into my head. Standing behind her was some guy who motioned to me that she couldn't see. That said, the guy who gave me a massage (yes, a guy...no jokes Hannah) had perfect vision. He also had a love of dishing out pain. I asked for a shiatsu massage rather than a Swedish one because my back has been killing me. Well the guy proceeded to torture me for an hour. Some of the worst moments were when:

a) he pulled my hair for literally 10 minutes

b) he punched me in the back about fifty times

c) he gave me an indian burn on my ears

d) he found/pushed/elbowed every pressure point in my body

e) he gave each one of my fingers an indian burn

f) he pushed my eye-sockets backwards

g) he stretched me in positions that even yoga masters couldn't do

Anyway, I'm 99% sure I'm going to have a dozen black and blue marks tomorrow but my back is actually feeling pretty good. 

Off to dinner in a bit...

The Tickle Bug

(PHOTO: Ryan and I introducing Hien to the tickle bug)

I awoke yesterday morning with a text message from Hien: "I miss traveling." Well, Ryan and I miss having Hien traveling with us...and not just because she translates everything for us. 

Motorbike, Happy Birthday and Congratulations...

(PICTURE: Ryan and Steve -- yes, he is always shirtless -- in my room prior to buying my new, slightly less ugly sheets)

After much deliberation and many different opinions, I've decided to rent a motorbike for the month before buying one. A lot of locals last night were encouraging me to buy this old Belarus bike called a Minsk. Apparently any mechanic can repair them and they are also dirt cheap. That said, I've been riding around Vietnam on Honda Waves for the last couple weeks. The Wave is light, easy to ride and is probably the most popular bike in Vietnam which means it can also be fixed by any mechanic. It also makes me look pretty damn awesome. 

Steve also decided to rent a bike for the month and he too got a wave. Upon leaving the rental place Steve wasted no time in getting into an accident...with a parked motorbike. I picked up Pallavi (my new flatmate) and drove the two of us back to our house. I quickly realized that driving two people is WAY harder than just driving one. I switched the bike into third gear, dodged thousands of cars and other motorbikes and somehow made it back to the place without a scratch. I figure if I can survive driving in the worst part of town (the Old Quarter) with someone on my bike, during rush hour, I'll be okay.  Oh, Steve and the bike are fine for those who care.

Just want to wish Alex a happy birthday. Welcome to old age, my friend. We're almost at that age where one might grow some grey hairs...

That said, our good buddy Jed decided to upstage our birthdays by proposing last night to his long time girlfriend and fellow Orange Lena. For some reason she accepted. I have a big suspicion that she thinks lastnightsgarbage.com is going to be the next google and is trying to get in on that. Anyway, congrats Jed and Lena! 

Ahoy Hanoi!

 84 days, 4 countries, over two dozen cities, countless sketchy meals, two heat rashes, one haircut, twice being called an Osama Bin Laden look-a-like, 10 brushes with death along Vietnamese and Cambodian roads, multiple shark sightings, over fifty hours on buses, a baker's dozen flights, countless new friends, a new cell phone, four potential future Mrs. Augusts, 60+ blog entries, two private karaoke sessions, one eaten goat's brain, one eaten bat, 9 eaten frogs, a billion red hot chilis, 10+ hours of Vietnamese classes, 30+ hours of teaching Vietnamese kids, one night sleeping on bamboo above jumping fish, one dog bite, one soccer match, 14 mosquito bites (with no malaria pills), two cockroaches landing in my hair, two nights of sleeping on a filthy bus (including last night when a woman literally had her kid take a whiz on the floor under my bed), 1+ containers of Gold Bond, twice being caught in a monsoon while on motorbikes, miles of walking with a 80+ pounds of luggage, 6 read books, one heartbreaking hockey playoff series, a trimester for Kathy and Zev, one de-plucked chicken, one free ride in Beijing from a stranger I met on a plane, a hundred offers of drugs and sex on the streets, one world championship of Ping Pong, one new suit, 50+ comments on my blog from my  mother, over a thousand emails from friends (and dozens of offers from strangers who want me to buy Viagra), 1500 photographs, two new pants, four new shirts, one awkward date, three days of scuba diving, and one birthday later, I'm officially in Hanoi. Ahoy Hanoi!