Zoo Part I

(Video: Zoo Part I. Please no comments on my disgustingly sweaty appearance.)

Add this to things you can't do in America. That's Huyen literally lifting her nephew over the safety bars so he can feed a monkey. This is standard practice at the zoo. The good news is that he's feeding the monkey something the monkey might actually eat in real life. I can't tell you how many monkeys I saw eating candy bars while sipping from juice boxes.

I was complaining yesterday to some friends how heinous the zoo was and they all said the same thing, "Hanoi has one of the best zoos in Asia." Mental note: Do not go to any more zoos in Asia.

ZEV: Do Not Try This At Home

I often say to myself here, "I would never do this at home." Well, yesterday
I found myself doing something I would NEVER EVER do at home. Zev, do not -- I repeat, DO NOT -- ever do this with my niece:



Yeah, that's right, I drove my motorbike with Huyen and her nephew. Yes, three of us on a bike. Huyen told me she wanted to take her nephew to the park so I agreed. When I showed up at her house she said she wanted me to drive. I told her that it made me very uncomfortable and I did not want to because I thought it was extremely unsafe. Using her best lawyer skills she argued that it was much more dangerous for her to drive her nephew herself. Dammit, that's a good argument. I reluctantly agreed and drove us to the park. Hey, at least the kid was wearing a helmet, right? He's one of like 18 kids who actually wears a helmet in Hanoi.

By the way, on the way home, the kid fell asleep on the motorbike. I mean, really! These kids are a different breed. Can you imagine falling asleep on a bicycle in the middle of insane traffic and thousands of horns blaring?

My internet is back! I'll be posting all week....

He Has My Cheeks!

(PICTURE: Mr. Muoi, the man I rent my motorbike from)

One of my local friends is Mr. Muoi, the man I rent my motorbike from. He and his wife have taken an extra special liking to me over these past couple of months. Perhaps it's because I rented my bike from them, perhaps it's because I've gotten multiple friends to rent bikes from them or perhaps it's because I bought Mrs. Moui some baby clothes prior to her giving birth and sent a bunch of flowers to her hospital when the baby was born. Wow, that was a run-on sentence.

Anyway, the other day after telling Mr. Muoi that I was a c-section child -- like his baby -- he invited me over for a "party." Mr. Lou, his son, was turning one month old and he wanted me to come over. I strolled by right on time and well, there wasn't really a party. Waiting for me was Mr. Muoi and his older brother who took me to a street restaurant and ordered a bunch of food and drinks. He lined the tables with beer and looked slightly disappointed when I told him I couldn't drink because I was on medicine. So he screamed over to the waitress and had her line the table with sodas on my side. A few things struck me as odd at this point:
1. There wasn't a party. It was just the three of us celebrating.
2. The man who I rented my bike from wanted me to drink and drive.
3. I was expected to drink five sodas before the lunch was over.

The three of us did our best at communicating. Turns out Mr. Muoi is the youngest of nine siblings and was due for a kid. His eight year old nephew ended up joining us and thought it was a fun game to light a bottle opener on fire and press it against my calf. Let me tell you, it was hilarious...and the blister should go away soon.

In other news:

I had a thousand hits on my website over the last week. That's right, people like me. I haven't felt this popular since I changed elementary schools and all the hot girls wanted to date me.

The internet is still down at my house so I brought my laptop to school.

I had the RAT trapped yesterday. That's right, it's not a mouse. It's a full on rat. I walked into my house last night and noticed a few things:
A) The trap had been sprung for the third time. The food was gone and the trap was closed but there was no rat.
B) The sticky pads had all been trampled on. That's right, he stepped all over them but didn't stick. Gotta love Vietnamese products.

After shaking my head at my mortal enemy he actually appeared in front of me. He quickly ran up the side of the wall and hid behind a cabinet. I saw him and tried to act quickly on my feet. I put a bunch of the sticky pads on top of the cabinet and a bunch below. I figured either way he went he'd get caught (at least for a moment since clearly the pads didn't work that well). However, I must admit that I'm a gigantic wuss. If I had any guts I would have taken a long sharp knife and inserted it into the cabinet crack. He's quick but I probably could have gotten him. Instead I ended up putting a sticky pad on the end of a pole and inserted it into the crack. It didn't work. He scampered up the wall, jumped over the sticky pads I had placed up top and then jumped eight feet down to the ground...and THEN RAN UPSTAIRS!!! That's right he went up to the bedrooms. I followed him up but couldn't find him. Was he in my room? Was he in Ryan's room? Finding him was going to take a real man...and luckily Ryan came home. I told him the story and he quickly walked out to our porch on the second floor and said, "Yo, he's right here!" Yeah, the rat was sitting out in our garden...right by another trap that the previous apartment inhabitants must have placed there. Ryan chased the bastard and the rat quickly jumped onto a pipe and scampered to our neighbors house. Turns out that the door from our garden has about a two inch gap between it and the floor that the rat was going in and out through. I stuffed a towel into the crack and put some weights on it to try and hold it down. We'll see if it works. Man, I hate that rat!

From C-Blocking To Internet Blocking

Last week Binh, my landlady, got in the way of a potential sleepover. That was annoying and frustrating however now she's gone too far. Now she's blocking my Internet access. Binh went away for five days and I think turned off the power at her house. I'm all for saving electricity but when you turn off the power you also turn off the wireless router. And well, you cut off my loyal readers from my daily blogs. Now I'm subject to writing this blog at my school while teachers fight over computer access time. It also means I can't post any pictures for a few days.

To update on a few other things:
1. The mouse/rat got caught in the cage....twice...and both times escaped. The food was gone, trap door closed but no mouse/rat. I just finally bought sticky pads. He's a dead man.
2. I finished watching Season 4 of The Wire. All four seasons were amazing. Last night I started Season 5. This was one of my goals for the year. Check it off the list.
3. I saw Indiana Jones the other night. Um, space aliens? Yeah, it's time to end the franchise.
4. Today I finish my cycle of Cipro. If my stomach hurts tomorrow I'm pretty sure I have some new Vietnamese super bug.
5. How awesome is the Euro cup!
6. My sister apparently is going to bail on me to hike the Appalachian Trail next year (unless McCain wins then she might join me). Anyone want to go for a long hike?

Happy Father's Day!!!

Dad,

Even though you've recently lost a bunch of weight you're still the Big Guy to me. I love you and miss you and think of you every day. For example, I think about how you haven't sent me Dinosaur BBQ via Fed Ex. I also think about how I could have been a professional hockey player if you sent me to Canada as a little kid. I also think about how you tortured me for years with the tickle bug. I also think about how you boosted my self confidence as an awkward teenager by telling me my nose was too big for my face. And I also think about how every time I come home you tell me that either my hair is too long or my facial hair is too thick. I also think about...well, the list is really long. But I really do think often about how damn lucky I am to have you as my father. In fact, Hannah, Zev and I are all really lucky to have you as our Dad. And Lilah, well, she's about to find out how lucky she is to have you as her Grandpa. Love you, Big Guy! Happy Father's Day!

Ben

Tim Russert

I just read that Tim Russert died today. This saddens me terribly. Tim Russert was far and away one of my favorite journalist and from what I know and have read, a very good man.

This Morning I'm A Man

10:12AM. Saw the rodent again in my kitchen. With the morning light I could tell it's a mouse. I didn't scream like a girl today and am about to walk to the store to buy some sticky pads. The question is, what do I do once the mouse is caught on the sticky pad. Do I need to buy a baseball bat too? And what if there are more?!