My Friend Brett

(PICTURE: Brett and his roommate Rina.)

Many times when I'm doing things in Hanoi, I think of my friend Brett and end up laughing to myself. I love Brett but we're not exactly cut from the same cloth. You see, whereas I'm fine with sleeping in say a Ramada Inn with cigarette stained sheets, Brett would prefer to stay in a place like a Marriott or a Four Seasons. Hey, there's nothing wrong with this and in fact, I know that I'm in the minority. And don't get me wrong, Brett and I have a ton in common...just not when it comes to cleanliness and luxuriousness.

Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about: The other night, Huyen and I went to eat at a local sidewalk duck restaurant. While eating, something caught the attention of my eye. I wish I could say it was a waiter walking by with a chocolaty dessert, but no, it was a large as f&*k rat scurrying across the floor. Then something else caught my attention. Nope, still not dessert but rather another rat. All in all I think I saw about six rats in a one minute span. During this time, as I continued to eat, I thought of Brett and started to laugh to myself imagining him there: "Dude, I can't believe you're still eating with rats running around." I then played out this conversation in my head and justified my eating by saying, "Yes, there's rats on the floor but there's none in the kitchen." You see, with street food restaurants you can see the whole "kitchen." In the case of the duck shop, there was just a BBQ for grilled duck and a glass enclosed stand that was 100% rat free. Being the crazy writer/person that I am, I continued to have a conversation in my head. I thought that I would make the argument that, "I'm sure in NYC some of your restaurants are spotless in the dining room but have rats running around the kitchen. Here's it is the exact opposite. There's rats in the dining room but none in the kitchen. Personally I think this is cleaner."

Literally I had this conversation in my mind as I continued to eat my duck. I think I even had a smug expression on my face as I won the argument in my head...but then one of the workers at the restaurant knocked over a condiment bowl and spoon onto the ground where rats had just been running around. He then smiled at me as if to say, "my bad," and then picked up the bowl and spoon and put them right back on the table -- yes, sans washing.

Immediately I thought to myself, "Okay, Brett wins this argument."

Ahoy Hanoi Shout Out

As I approach my 700th blog, it's nice to occasionally still get some positive feedback about what I'm writing. Sure my mom emails me every day telling me I'm the best blogger in the world --while simultaneously correcting my bad grammar -- and other readers drop me emails from time to time saying that they enjoy my entries. However, it is extra nice when I get a shout out from a total stranger who happens to be a fellow online writer. Check out this article that lists Ahoy Hanoi as one of the 15 Best Expat Blogs.

Please note that the author says the blogs are listed in "No Particular Order." This is very important to note since my blog is the last one she mentions. But hey, there's a reason for the saying, "Save the best for last."*

* Yes, I know this saying was only coined to comfort the chubby kid picked last on the playground.

Computer Efficiency

I've been meaning to write this blog for a long time...so long that I've actually lost the article I wanted to quote from.

When I flew back to Vietnam from Japan, I was given a free copy of the English version of Vietnam News on my Vietnam Air flight. There was an article in the newspaper that really made me laugh and simultaneously shake my head and say, "ah, Vietnam." The article was about computer efficiency in the government. I'm going to completely make up two statistics here but I promise you that they are not far off from the stats that I read. The article said that:

Ridiculous statistic recalled from my memory #1: Up to 35% of government office workers are now using computers.

Ridiculous statistic recalled from my memory #2: 80% of those using computers have reported that their jobs are more efficient.

I recently had to go to a government office and indeed there were no computers. Everyone was using pens and papers and searching for things in filing cabinets. Yes, filing cabinets. Sure, people in the Western World still use filing cabinets but 99% of everything we "file" is online these days. I can assure you after having stood around for twenty minutes as they searched for a piece of paper with my name on it, computers are more efficient. I'm not sure what the other 20% of the people from my recalled stats were thinking.

5 Signs You're Living With A Vietnamese Girl

1. You've got small stools all around your apartment.














2. You've got sandals in your bathroom.

















3. You've got a wash basin to hand wash clothing.


















4. You've got an industrial size rice cooker for just two people.


















5. You've got a metal trunk.*

* I had a trunk when I used to go to sleep away camp. Huyen had one to go to university and now it makes for a great TV stand.

Night Market & Tofu Shop

Despite being here for so long, I still constantly find things and places that get me really excited. The other night, Huyen and I went to this night market to get some food to make dinner:

Every night in Hanoi there are lots of little street markets that formulate after sundown. I took the photo above while Huyen negotiated around the corner. Sometimes I hide out so that we don't get charged foreigner prices.

After we bought a bunch of vegetables we headed to this tofu shop:

This one-man operation is in a small alleyway and sells some of the best tofu I've had in Vietnam (Japanese tofu is still much better). You order how much tofu you want by the length. The man then takes out a ruler and slices your tofu. Each block costs 1,000 Dong. That's a nickel in America.

Big Goofy White Guy

There are countless times that I feel like a big goofy white guy in Hanoi. There are low ceilings here that make me feel like giant, small motorbikes that I imagine appear as if I'm a cowboy riding a pony and packed sidewalks that often have me doing contortions to maneuver around.

The other day took the cake for my goofiness though. After eating lunch at a local outdoor rice shop, I inadvertently stepped into an alley way of wet cement right next to the shop. I only took two steps before I realized that the ground below me was complete mush. It seemed that every person in the shop turned and looked at me during my moment of realization and started to shake their head at the same time. I backtracked onto the solid surface and began to apologize in Vietnamese. To whom I was supposed to apologize I wasn't sure. Finally a woman selling gum on the street began to frantically wave at me to get away. I think she was trying to save me from the construction workers who would not be happy that my size 10.5 sneaker imprints were cast into their new alley.

In my goofy defense, there was no rope blocking off the alley!

My New Ride

Check her out. Ain't she sweet? That's my new bad ass ride. Okay, I know what you're thinking and yes, she is a bicycle.

One of my favorite things about living in Hanoi has always been riding around on a motorbike. However, in Japan I started to ride everywhere on a bicycle and really enjoyed it. Since Huyen has a motorbike I thought that the sensible thing to do was to get a bicycle and to share her motorbike.

Now a few people might be saying, "Ben, didn't you say that you think the most dangerous form of transportation in Hanoi was a bicycle?" Well, yes, I did say that countless times last year. However, after riding around for a couple of weeks I'm going to retract that statement. The fact is that all forms of transportation in Hanoi are dangerous. The one safer thing about a bicycle is that I'm now much taller than motorbikes. I can see over the traffic and people can see me. Now the problem with the bicycle is that it is silent. Most people in Vietnam drive with their ears and not with their eyes. In fact, many people don't have side view mirrors so they only know that someone is approaching when the person behind them honks. I've been doing A LOT of bell ringing with my bike. Oh, yeah, one other disadvantage: I've been sweating a lot on the bicycle...and it is winter now.