Jealousy

The problem with giving shout-outs or putting video/pictures up of friends is that it naturally causes some jealousy. Yesterday I received countless emails (two) asking why they hadn't been featured on the blog yet. Ahoyhanoi envy is just one type of jealousy. Then of course, there is the old fashioned jealousy. Yesterday Huyen read my blog about wanting to kiss the Statue of Liberty on July 4th and this is what she said:

Yeah, that's right, she's threatening to shoot the Statue of Liberty. What are the odds the Immigration and Naturalization department will one day read this blog? Or worse yet, Homeland Security?

By the way, have I always had a speech impediment?

This Could Be You!

No, not a greying 29-year-old who still thinks it is cool to wear a backwards baseball cap. And no, not a man who works in sports yet could never win a full set in tennis against me. And no, not someone who can't afford ANY decorations for their wall.

What I'm referring to is that you could be video-chatting for free with yours truly. All you need to do is get skype and a video phone. Well, that's if you're a guy. If you're a girl and not a blood relative you also need to get some sexy lingerie. Alex put on the sexy lingerie after I turned the camera off...and surprisingly he looked better than you would think...

Lonely Planet

The book on the left is far and away the most common book you'll see in Vietnam--The Lonely Planet guide. This isn't a Lonely Planet endorsement by any means since for the most part I disagree with many of its food recommendations. This is purely a comment about the cover. I've talked to more than a few tourists/backpackers who have mentioned the odd cover choice. Most travel books usually have a very recognizable landmark or unique cultural image on the front cover. The 'Nam book however has this random woman having the time of her life on some green train. I've heard it said a few times, "I've never seen a green train like that in Vietnam." Well the other day I was waiting at a train crossing when this steam rolls by:

Okay, only half the train is green and there's no cute Vietnamese girl laughing her face off but it's close. 

WE WON!!!!

Look at this picture and honestly tell me you think we lost the war. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!!!! PART II

(PICTURE: Look at the way all those pervs can't keep their eyes/cameras off my sweetheart.)

I'm sorry, Huyen, but how HOT is this chick?! She goes by Lady Liberty. Check out those legs! And look at the way the light hits her face. Damn! She's also French and yet still has hairless armpits!  Man, it doesn't get hotter than that. It's July 4th in Hanoi so if I see her I plan on giving her a big sloppy French/American kiss....

All you can eat Burgers and Budweiser today! Man, it feels good to be an American!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!!!

(PICTURE: I love America...but maybe my friend Mark from Camp Airy loves it a little bit more...)

Hey, England, how'd it feel to get your ass kicked!!!! Happy Birthday, America!!!

Although technically Hanoi is 11 hours ahead of the East Coast in America, for the fourth of July we're a good twenty four hours behind. The big July 4th celebration here isn't until tomorrow evening.

Yeah, that's right, there is a July 4th celebration in Hanoi. The irony couldn't be thicker. My personal theory is this: The Vietnamese get to say, "The Americans beat the British and we beat the Americans so we're stronger than the Americans and the British." Regardless tomorrow night I'll be chowing down on burgers and downing beer at the American club telling tall tales to some British expats about when my great-great-great-great Grandma single handedly killed a legion of red coats.

Pig Bird

On Wednesday one of my Pre-Intermediate 1 students asked me, "Do you know pig bird?"
Naturally I thought she misspoke so I asked her to repeat her question. She once again said, "Do you know pig bird?" Still thinking she misspoke I wrote the word "pig bird" on the white board. The student excitedly nodded her head and said, "Yes, pig bird." She then said something in Vietnamese and all the students in my class started rambling in English, "pig bird." I asked the class what a pig bird is and one of the better speakers said in broken English, "when pig bird fly over house you die." I asked her to elaborate more but the language barrier was too great. There was only one thing to do--ask my Upper Intermediate class.

I brought the question to my UI students and the girls explained that when a pig bird flies near your house and sings it means someone is going to die. More or less the same explanation. The guys in my class began to yell out that it wasn't true -- a superstition if you will -- but the girls continued to defend it.

I asked if the pig bird looked like a pig but was told it only sounds like a pig. Yen, one of the pig bird defendants, began to make pig noises: "Yeeee Yeeee Yeeeee." Oh, for those of you who don't know, animal noises are different in ever country. If you try and translate the word dog by saying, "Woof Woof", people will have no idea what you're talking about or possible think you're describing a chicken. One of my favorite things to do is ask my younger students what noises a ____ makes and hear the response (Yes, I'll eventually get this on video).

Anyway, I'm now terrified of seeing a pig bird because, well, I don't want to die. I asked an artist to draw a picture of the bird so I can avoid it at all costs or at least attempt to shoot it with some kind of projectile if it flies over my house. So visitors if you come to 'Nam look out for this: