Tears, Tears, Tears

I hate crying. Hate it. When someone I love cries, it makes me want to cry. If this sounds familiar it's because I talked about crying in the first blog entry I ever wrote. Well, things haven't changed. My dad has teared up a few times recently when he starts to think about me leaving. When I gave my brother a hug and a kiss goodbye the other day, my dad is the one who started to cry. I've come to accept that my dad is a big softy -- but accepting that doesn't make it any easier. My dad loves his children (and grandchild) more than anything. If I had to say one absolute fact about my father that would be it. Knowing that, I understand how hard it is to see one of his kids leave for the other side of the world...

My dad crying is inevitable. What is always harder to deal with is when my mother starts to cry. The other night I went to a concert with my parents and out of the corner of my eye I could see tears starting to run down my mother's face. Seeing my mom cry is gut wrenching. My mother is an angel and it pains me to think of her in any pain especially when it is my fault. I put my arm around her shoulder at the concert. That's all I could do. Even when I start to type about my mother crying, I begin to cry myself. I hate it. I hate crying.

And this is why life is unfair. Last night I talked to Huyen on Skype for the last time before I'll see her...and she began to cry. I have someone on the other side of the world who is brought to tears because they get to hug me hello, and people here who are brought to tears because they have to hug me goodbye. I feel lucky to have this much love in my life but at the same time feel really unlucky that all the people I love aren't in one place.

A few nights ago I was talking to Huyen and told her that I was feeling sad about leaving my family. Huyen of course began to cry, feeling bad for me and my family. When I woke up in the morning I had an email from her. She wrote: "Do you know that I love you so much! That why I can feel your feeling! I know it is hard when we have to be away from our family! But I think you will be ok and just want to remind you that you always have your second family in Vietnam and that is my family! They all love you and always welcome you! Especially you have me! I always want to make you happy! You will see your parents soon too! Just be happy because your parents are the GREATEST PARENTS! They want you happy too! All the people you love are always very close to you, they are always in our MIND, our HEART!"

Huyen's right, I do have the greatest parents and they are always in my mind and heart.

Being home makes you realize how special your loved ones are. I was greeted at the airport three months ago by my sister who took a train four hours to see me. The other day I was handed a photo album by my brother and sister-in-law with pictures of me and Lilah. It's been amazing seeing them as parents and in just three months seeing my niece grow. I've hugged and kissed my grandmothers both multiple times regardless if they've encouraged my adventures (Nanny) or told me to get the heck home (Grandma Cele). Every place I traveled I was greeted with both hugs from my friends and sheets on their couches, pull-out beds and air mattresses. I love being home for one reason -- the people.

So thanks everyone for making the last three months so amazing...