Late For My Own Wedding

(PICTURE: One of our pink buses for the wedding.)

Despite waking up at 5AM, I was somehow late for my own wedding. Yes, it's true. The guy whose first post on Ahoy Hanoi was about punctuality was late for his wedding. Well, as bad as that sounds, it wasn't my fault. A few points:

1. Everyone was ready on time for the bus. The bus just wasn't ready for us.
2. The night before the wedding, Huyen had said that we should all show up at 10:30AM rather than 10AM as originally planned. Yes, I'm partly blaming my wife for my tardiness. Technically we were on time for the 10:30AM scheduled start but about fifteen minutes late for the 10AM one.

Right around 10AM, I started to get calls on my phone asking where I/my group of 20+ were. I told them that we were on our way but the calls/texts seemed to be getting more frantic by the minute. Meanwhile, at the same time that we were making our way to the wedding, the bus I hired to pick up all the guests in Hanoi was also on its way. This bus had started at 8AM and was being managed by three of my students who we had designated as bus captains.

When my bus arrived at 10:15, the other bus still hadn't come. Hang came out to our bus and said, "Okay we have to start now." I quickly protested saying that we couldn't begin until the other bus arrived since there were many guests on that bus who wanted to see the wedding including six who had flow in from abroad the day before. Luckily I didn't have to protest too long because the bus pulled up about a minute later. I quickly ran over to the other bus and greeted everyone as they debarked. It was awesome seeing so many of friends and students who I greeted with hugs. Even cooler was seeing my buddy JR and my friend Lily and her family who I hadn't seen in quite a long time. Hugs and welcome words were exchanged before I was nearly yelled at to get inside to the wedding.

So yes, technically I was late for my own wedding.

At least announce my wedding if you're going to wake me up!

(PICTURE: The view from the hotel. What you can't see are the megaphones slightly below the balcony.)

After going to bed somewhere in the ballpark of 1AM, I was looking forward to sleeping a little bit late. You know, like to 7:30 or 8. However, the local radio station didn't get that memo. At 5AM, the Phu Ly announcements started to BLARE from a telephone pole right outside my window. As I've written in the past, whenever you go out to the countryside/small towns, they have morning announcements that start around sunrise. Apparently, like many members of my wedding party, I don't read my blog. I mean, if I had, I would surely have taken a room that wasn't two feet away from the loudspeaker outside the window. I'm not sure why I didn't record the audio of the announcement because I can't really put into words just how loud it was. After god knows how long I finally blurted out, "Are you serious?". This immediately got a good chuckle from my sister who was trying to sleep in the bed next to me. I forget what was said next, but I was definitely thinking that I hoped they were at least announcing my wedding.

After realizing that there was no way we were gonna be able to go back to sleep, Hannah and I got up and explored the city for some breakfast. It didn't take too much walking before we found an alley with a whole bunch of street food options. My sister and I sat down at the first "restaurant" and got some kind of noodle dish that I'd never seen before. Yeah, eating a dish you've never seen before isn't usually a good idea before your wedding but heck, how could I not try it? Thankfully, the food sat well.

Around 7:30AM, Hannah and I returned to the hotel. I had a weird feeling in my body that was a mix of absolute exhaustion (at this point I hadn't had more than five hours sleep in over a week) and excitement to get married. While I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom, I decided to play a little joke. I walked out into the bedroom in a seemingly total daze and said to my sister, "I can't do it." We both started to crack up. Clearly we were over tired.

Late Night Pool

(PICTURE: My Uncle Barry and Aunt Donna on Huyen's roof during the an hoi.)

If I had even one ounce of smarts in me, I would have gone straight to bed after the an hoi. However, for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to make use of the billiards hall in our hotel. I mean, how many times in life can you play pool with relatives and friends in a Vietnamese pool hall the night before your wedding? Seriously, how could I not play?

A handful of people decided to join me for some late night pool. I quickly taught everyone the Vietnamese pool game that involves cards. We started playing and failed to impress any of the Vietnamese who were in the hall and equally shocked to see foreigners there and to see how terrible we were at playing pool. The only person with any legitimate skill was my Uncle Barry. Barry has a pool table at his house which gave him a slight advantage. After a little while, most of my friends went to bed (which I should have) and only Barry, Justin and I remained in the pool hall. It was great getting to spend some alone time with my uncle and cousin as we shot pool and chewed the fat about Vietnam. Barry, like my parents, was draft age during the Vietnam War. Like my father when he first visited, I think Barry was struck by how open and friendly the Vietnamese were despite the still fresh history between our countries. We ended up having a pretty philosophical discussion which lasted past midnight.

The game/discussion finally ended when I sank my final ball. I'm pretty sure my uncle let me win since I was getting married in a few hours and he didn't want me to start the day on the wrong foot.

* Two notes: 1. Earlier in the day my uncle basically said this to me: "You know, my whole life I've had a hard time understanding what you said because you always talked really fast. However, since you moved to Vietnam you're really easy to understand." My uncle meant this and I took this as a compliment since English teaching has made my pronunciating much better than in the past.

Ain't Nobody In Here But Us Chickens

(PICTURE: Mark and the chicken cleaning crew.)

One of my favorite Broadway Musicals ever was a show called "Five Guys Named Moe" based around the music of Louis Jordan. One of the hits that always brings a smile to my face is the song, "Ain't Nobody In Here But Us Chickens." Here's the chorus:

There ain't nobody here but us chickens
There ain't nobody here at all
So calm yourself,
And stop your fuss
There ain't nobody here but us
We chickens tryin' to sleep,
And you butt in
And hobble, hobble hobble hobble
With your chin

There ain't nobody here but us chickens
There ain't nobody here at all
You're stompin' around
And shakin' the ground,
You're kickin' up an awful dust
We chicken's tryin' to sleep
And you butt in
And hobble, hobble hobble hobble
It's a sin

So what does this have to do with my wedding? Well, during the an hoi celebration, there was a little commotion that got everyone's attention. Behind the karaoke/stage were a group of women who were preparing the chickens for the wedding the next morning. In true Vietnamese style, preparing included killing, bleeding out, boiling and plucking more than thirty chickens. Once it became known what was going on behind the curtain (Yes, I kept thinking of the Wizard of Oz's line, "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.") every one of my guests found it necessary to take a look and snap off some pictures. At first the locals were into everyone taking pictures but after a while they just wanted to do their job without the paparazzi going crazy for chicken plucking photos.

At some point, Mark Morgan volunteered himself to help the crew with their job. He threw back his tie, grabbed a stool and started to pluck away. Mark took the saying "get your hands dirty" to a whole new level as he still had blood on his hands the next morning. Apparently it wouldn't come out with soap.

Every time I think about these scenes at the an hoi, "Ain't Nobody In Here But Us Chickens" keeps coming into my head. Fittingly the last lines of the song are these:

It's easy pickens,
Ain't nobody here but us chickens

(PICTURE: My favorite thing about this photo is Mark's tie.)

My Mother's Ao Dai

(PICTURE: My mom looking like the other Vietnamese women.)

On the second day that my parents were in town, Huyen and I went up to their hotel room. While we were leaving, my dad quickly shut the closet door in what couldn't have been a more conspicuous action. I asked him what he was hiding and he said it was a surprise. Naturally this got my brain working a million miles a minute trying to figure out what the surprise was. My guess was that my parents had put together a chuppah for the wedding similar to one that they had made for my brother's wedding. I was so confident about this theory that I eventually started questioning Huyen about whether or not she had been part of it. Well, like many times in my life, I was totally wrong.

I finally saw the surprise in the hotel, right before we departed for the an hoi. The surprise was that my mother had an ao dai made for herself. I must admit, I was very very surprised and extremely touched. I thought it was an awesome gesture by my mother to show her acceptance of the marriage and of Vietnamese culture. I don't know if she knew (mom, did you know) how touched I was because of the rush to get ready for the an hoi. However, every time I saw my mother at the ceremony, I felt a great sense of pride. It was truly an awesome thing to do.

An Hoi Ceremony

(PICTURE: My five unmarried men holding the presents we gave to the Nguyens.)

I googled "An Hoi ceremony" to be able to explain exactly what we were doing the night before the wedding. Here's the first thing that came up:

Le an hoi (betrothal ceremony): Some time before the wedding, the groom and his family visit the bride and her family with round lacquered boxes known as betrothal presents composed of gifts of areca nuts and betel leaves, tea, cake, fruits, wines and other delicacies covered with red cloth and carried by unmarried girls or boys. Both families agree to pick a good day for wedding.

By having picked a wedding date before the an hoi, we were clearly violating some Vietnamese traditions. In fact, we were in violation of a lot of Vietnamese traditions and tried our best to make up for it during the ceremony. As Huyen explained to my parents, usually a boys family has to ask the girls family three different times for permission for their relationship. The first is the "small ask" where the boys family asks the girl's family if they can meet each other. The "second ask" is when the boy's family asks the girl's family if they can date. The final "big ask" is when they ask for permission to marry. At our an hoi, my parents acknowledged that they hadn't taken these steps because of the proximity of our homes. They then combined all three asks into one and luckily got permission for me to marry Huyen.

(PICTURE: My parents asking the three questions. The Vietnamese version of the Passover four questions.)

After being given permission to marry Huyen, I for one breathed a giant sigh of relief. As mentioned, I know my family and friends love me but I'm sure they would have been quite pissed to have traveled around the world to not have a wedding. It was a good thing we asked for permission early in the day though because things got a little bit craaaaaaaaaaaaazy as the sun went down!

(PICTURE: Me and my finally official fiance who looked absolutely beautiful in her ao dai.)

Right after the ceremony, everyone sat down to eat a huge meal. The food was delicious which was only topped by the homemade rice wine. I had been fearing that my crew wouldn't like the rice wine but those fears quickly disappeared. Before I knew it, friends (Anthony and Mark) were figuring out ways to take the wine home with them to America. Many bottles (the wine was placed in used plastic water bottles) were finished before the sunset. The consumption of alcohol put everyone in an even better mood and helped get the party going...and what a party it was.

Some of the highlights in no particular order were:

1. Family and friends trying betel. There were mixed reactions to chewing on the nut which gave more than a couple people a pretty strong buzz.

2. Everyone being subjected to extremely loud music. Huyen and I literally asked the DJ about 12 times to turn the volume down. Each time he would put up a slight protest and then turn the dial...only to gradually turn it back up to deafening levels. Eventually we just started going over and turning the dial ourselves.

(PICTURE: Urszula and her dancing partner.)

3. Dancing, dancing and more dancing. Sebastian's mother Urszula lead the charge on the dance floor and never stopped breaking it down until we went home. In a moment none of us will soon forget, she started dancing with a 70+, four foot tall, village woman who I'm sure has never danced before in her life. The woman was having the time of her life getting down to the beats with Urszula. However, the woman's daughter must have feared that the excitement was too much for her mother so she eventually pulled her off the dance floor. About thirty minutes later though, the mother sneaked away from her daughter and started dancing again. It was classic. What was also classic was seeing Huyen's father on the dance floor. Huyen's father is such a great guy and just loves to have fun. Seeing him dance with a giant smile on his face is something I'll always cherish.

(PICTURE: Some of the kids that turned into dancing machines when the sun went down.)

4. Kids, kids and more kids. Every kid from the village showed up to the party; how could they not with the music blaring so loudly. The kids had quite the moves and were taught new ones by Mark, Anthony, Dave and Elissa.

(PICTURE: Singing the Kingston Trio hit "Tom Dooley" with my sister and dad. My childhood road trips prepared us for this moment.)

5. Singing, singing and more singing. Eventually we stopped the dance music and began to karaoke. As I've documented many times on the blog, I'm not a huge karaoke fan. However, it was perhaps the greatest time of my life doing karaoke with family and friends in the middle of Huyen's village.

(PICTURE: Anthony rocking it out.)

6. Everyone having fun. It was truly awesome seeing all of my friends and family having a great time. I'm pretty sure nobody knew what to expect going into this event and it turned out to be one of the best parties of everyone's life. Most importantly though, the locals had an awesome time. There were many moments when my friends and family asked me, "Are these people going to think we're crazy?" or "Are they having fun too?". I kept asking Huyen if everyone was having a good time and the answer was always yes. You could see it on everyone's faces as there were very few without a smile.

(PICTURE: Me with some happy locals.)

It ended up being a perfect night; you know, besides the fact that Huyen's parents said I could marry her. In truth, the an hoi was definitely a lot more fun than the wedding. However, the wedding was much more special...

Happy Birthday Huyen!

(PICTURE: The birthday girl in Trang An, the morning after our wedding.)

Happy birthday to my amazing wife!!!!

I'd like to say that being married to me is the gift that keeps on giving but I'm not sure that line will make Huyen feel good if I don't give her a birthday present. After months of hard work putting together our wedding, Huyen deserves a phenomenal birthday. The problem with a Monday birthday though is that it doesn't allow for the proper celebration time that is due for one's special day. Sooooo, Huyen will get an extended birthday this year with a few different gifts along the way. I'll post about all of that though in some future blogs when all the wedding blogs have run their course...