Cleaning Lady

The price of our apartment includes a cleaning lady who comes two or three times a week to clean and to do our laundry and ironing. Personally, I prefer doing my own laundry but unfortunately we don't have a washing machine in our apartment. I feel a little spoiled having a cleaning lady but this is something one gets used to pretty fast.

The cleaning lady is really sweet but she's also really hard of hearing. At first I thought she just couldn't understand my terrible Vietnamese but soon came to realize it was a little bit more than that. One day she was wearing headphones and the music could not have been any louder. It sounded like a boom box was strapped to her ears. Then another time she gave me someone else's laundry and I tracked her down in the building and had to yell "XIN LOI!!! (EXCUSE ME!!!)" at nearly the top of my lungs before she turned around. The final hint that she might be slightly deaf though was when my neighbor said to me, "You know the cleaning lady is basically deaf, right?". I looked at him and said, "Yeah, that makes sense."

I don't want to pick on deaf people but having someone with keys to your apartment who can't hear can be a little bit troubling. For example, the Cleaning Lady knocks on the door before she comes in; I think this is a warning rather than asking permission to come in. Today, I was in the shower and heard the knock on the door. I yelled out, "TWO MINUTES!" but sure enough a second later the door opened and I heard footsteps. Luckily, anticipating her lack of hearing me, I closed the bathroom door. Well, apparently she didn't hear me in the shower either because moments later she started to vacuum. I finished showering, wrapped myself in a towel and walked into my bedroom. The Cleaning Lady, presumably embarrassed, quickly scampered out of the apartment. I guess sometimes it would be better to have a blind Cleaning Lady.

700th Post!!!!

(PICTURE: Me contemplating my first post a few years ago.)

If this post confirms anything, it's that I've spent way too much time in front of my computer over the last two years. Yes, this is my 700th post!!

It feels surreal that I've actually written 700 of these things and well, I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back. I'm really proud of myself for sticking with this blog thing over the last two years. Today my computer ran out of memory (don't freak out, this has happened about fifteen times already) and I had to move some pictures and movies on to my external hard drive. While doing so, I looked back at a whole bunch of pictures from the past ten years. Pictures from a trip to New Zealand with my buddy Chris. Pictures from Croatia, Greece and Italy with my friend Tom. Pictures from RV trips that my gang used to take annually in LA. Pictures of old girlfriends, pictures of concerts, pictures of work trips, pictures of weddings, pictures of...well you get the idea. It was great to think about some of my old experiences but then it hit me -- it would be so much greater if I had written stories and kept journals of those trips and events.

As I get older, my memory is only so good. The beauty of the blog is that from time to time I can go back and read old entries and totally recall what I wrote about. Personally it's an awesome feeling knowing that my whole adventure -- and especially my whole love story with Huyen -- is documented online forever. Right before I left America in 2008, my brother, cousins and I videotaped our grandmother. We asked her a whole bunch of questions so we could always look back on the tapes in the future and show them to our grandkids. I just hope that one day my kids and my kid's kids log on to Ahoy Hanoi and can see exactly how their branch of the family tree came about...

(PICTURE: The first picture that Huyen and I took together...that wasn't stolen by the ninjas.)

Yes, I know by writing this post blogspot will crash immediately and delete all 700 posts.

Package From America

(PICTURE: Me holding my package from Ryan in front of the post office.)

Ryan recently sent Huyen and I a package in the mail. Ryan had gone hunting this past summer and shot an elk. He had the meat turned into jerky and promised to send us some in Vietnam. Well, the other day I got a notice that there was a package waiting for me at the post office. I took the slip of paper and headed to the address written on it (actually, first I took a photo of the paper and emailed it to Huyen at work since I had no idea what I was supposed to do).

The Post Office was as ridiculously unorganized as your imagination might lead you to believe. There were a dozen people trying to get the attention of the only lady working. No, there wasn't just one employee but only one who seemed to be working; the rest were just reading newspapers or napping behind the counter. I attempted to wait in a non existent line until another patron grabbed my paper and served as my agent. Sure enough, after just a couple more minutes, a postal worker showed up with Ryan's box. The box had clearly been opened by customs which made me shocked that there was still jerky inside since I thought for sure the customs agents would have eaten it. Well, the jerky smelled amazing which made it really hard to wait all day for Huyen to come home and share. However, my usually weak will power held out and I waited for Huyen. It's a good thing I did too because as I was about to take the first bite she said, "Wait! There's mold on that!" Sure enough, all of the jerky was covered in mold. I can't put into words how bummed out I was since my mouth had been salivating for months since the promise of this present. I emailed Ryan to thank him for the gift and to tell him about the mold. He wrote back: "Bummer... well, now we know shipping meat to Vietnam isn't the best idea."

Also included in the package was a belated birthday gift for Huyen. Here's a video of Huyen getting the surprise present:

The present is a four person Connect Four! Huyen and I will now be going to bars and challenging other couples to games...

Super Immature Post

This is by far the most immature post I've written. However, I can't help myself. A couple of weeks ago we bought a new cooking tool and well, it's pretty phallic. Every time I see it in the kitchen I start to giggle and I finally had to take some pictures:

If this tool was made in America, I would think that the designer made the shape on purpose. You know, like how the animators for The Lion King drew the words "SEX" into the clouds. However, I'm pretty sure Vietnamese penises don't look like this since Vietnamese men aren't circumcised...which makes the shape of this tool just a funny coincidence...and officially makes me really immature.

My Friend Brett

(PICTURE: Brett and his roommate Rina.)

Many times when I'm doing things in Hanoi, I think of my friend Brett and end up laughing to myself. I love Brett but we're not exactly cut from the same cloth. You see, whereas I'm fine with sleeping in say a Ramada Inn with cigarette stained sheets, Brett would prefer to stay in a place like a Marriott or a Four Seasons. Hey, there's nothing wrong with this and in fact, I know that I'm in the minority. And don't get me wrong, Brett and I have a ton in common...just not when it comes to cleanliness and luxuriousness.

Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about: The other night, Huyen and I went to eat at a local sidewalk duck restaurant. While eating, something caught the attention of my eye. I wish I could say it was a waiter walking by with a chocolaty dessert, but no, it was a large as f&*k rat scurrying across the floor. Then something else caught my attention. Nope, still not dessert but rather another rat. All in all I think I saw about six rats in a one minute span. During this time, as I continued to eat, I thought of Brett and started to laugh to myself imagining him there: "Dude, I can't believe you're still eating with rats running around." I then played out this conversation in my head and justified my eating by saying, "Yes, there's rats on the floor but there's none in the kitchen." You see, with street food restaurants you can see the whole "kitchen." In the case of the duck shop, there was just a BBQ for grilled duck and a glass enclosed stand that was 100% rat free. Being the crazy writer/person that I am, I continued to have a conversation in my head. I thought that I would make the argument that, "I'm sure in NYC some of your restaurants are spotless in the dining room but have rats running around the kitchen. Here's it is the exact opposite. There's rats in the dining room but none in the kitchen. Personally I think this is cleaner."

Literally I had this conversation in my mind as I continued to eat my duck. I think I even had a smug expression on my face as I won the argument in my head...but then one of the workers at the restaurant knocked over a condiment bowl and spoon onto the ground where rats had just been running around. He then smiled at me as if to say, "my bad," and then picked up the bowl and spoon and put them right back on the table -- yes, sans washing.

Immediately I thought to myself, "Okay, Brett wins this argument."

Ahoy Hanoi Shout Out

As I approach my 700th blog, it's nice to occasionally still get some positive feedback about what I'm writing. Sure my mom emails me every day telling me I'm the best blogger in the world --while simultaneously correcting my bad grammar -- and other readers drop me emails from time to time saying that they enjoy my entries. However, it is extra nice when I get a shout out from a total stranger who happens to be a fellow online writer. Check out this article that lists Ahoy Hanoi as one of the 15 Best Expat Blogs.

Please note that the author says the blogs are listed in "No Particular Order." This is very important to note since my blog is the last one she mentions. But hey, there's a reason for the saying, "Save the best for last."*

* Yes, I know this saying was only coined to comfort the chubby kid picked last on the playground.

Computer Efficiency

I've been meaning to write this blog for a long time...so long that I've actually lost the article I wanted to quote from.

When I flew back to Vietnam from Japan, I was given a free copy of the English version of Vietnam News on my Vietnam Air flight. There was an article in the newspaper that really made me laugh and simultaneously shake my head and say, "ah, Vietnam." The article was about computer efficiency in the government. I'm going to completely make up two statistics here but I promise you that they are not far off from the stats that I read. The article said that:

Ridiculous statistic recalled from my memory #1: Up to 35% of government office workers are now using computers.

Ridiculous statistic recalled from my memory #2: 80% of those using computers have reported that their jobs are more efficient.

I recently had to go to a government office and indeed there were no computers. Everyone was using pens and papers and searching for things in filing cabinets. Yes, filing cabinets. Sure, people in the Western World still use filing cabinets but 99% of everything we "file" is online these days. I can assure you after having stood around for twenty minutes as they searched for a piece of paper with my name on it, computers are more efficient. I'm not sure what the other 20% of the people from my recalled stats were thinking.