The Lunar Calendar

This year I noticed something that I didn't last year -- Vietnamese have two calendars in their heads. I always knew that in Vietnam the lunar calendar was important but I didn't realize people actually always knew what day it was on both calendars. Maybe this just happens around Tet but I kept hearing people say, "Today is the X" when it was clearly Y. Finally I saw a calendar on a wall and noticed that both Western and lunar dates were on it. I've seen these calendars many times but never before noticed the dual dates:

(PICTURE: The big date is for the Western calendar and the small date is for the lunar calendar.)

I'm a monkey?!

(PICTURE: Huyen's sister eating a stick of sugarcane.)

I hope I can do this blog entry justice because it was definitely a "had to be there" moment. Well, here goes:

I was standing downstairs at Huyen's house when her mom walked up to me and curiously grabbed some strands of my chest hair that was showing under my v-neck shirt. This alone would be funny to me but sadly it has happened a few times to me in Vietnam. What happened next though was classic: Huyen's mom turned to Huyen and Huyen's sister and said something in Vietnamese. Both girls started laughing and then Huyen said, "My mom says you're like a monkey." Naturally I started to laugh but also defended myself by saying, "I'm a monkey? Look at Hoai! She's crouching on the ground, chewing on a stick. She's a monkey." Hoai, Huyen's sister, was at that very moment in the "Vietnamese crouch" chewing on sugarcane (see the picture above). Then it seemed like a chorus of Nguyens yelling out, "No you're a monkey!" I again defended myself by pointing the finger: "I'm a monkey? Your father climbed a tree to fetch fruit the other day! He's a monkey."

Yes, this was the most childish argument I've had since probably elementary school. Forgetting the clearly racist undertones of the conversation, it's just funny to me that Huyen's mother thinks her daughter is dating a less evolved primate.

Ban Lam Gi?

Ban Lam Gi translates to, "You do what?". In Vietnam, this is the question people ask one another to find out what someone's job is. However, when I hear this sentence it always makes me think of those Holiday Inn commercials in which people can do feats that are usually out of their comfort/training zone because they've had a good night's sleep.

Often in Vietnam (and the rest of the world) I think that people have this -- what should I call it -- well-rested self brilliance. Recently during a rough couple of days with my stomach, I started taking a strong antibiotic to kill any bacteria. A Vietnamese guy I know wanted me to drink alcohol with him and I said, "I don't want to drink. I'm taking medicine." The guy then asked to see the medicine so I showed it to him. He looked it over and said, "This medicine will make you tired. You should take another one." I wanted to ask him, "Ban Lam Gi?" but I already knew the answer -- he's an accountant. Shortly after giving me this medical advice he once again tried to get me to drink with him. Some doctor.

In my head "Ban Lam Gi" can be expanded to other things besides jobs. For example, when a guy literally reeking of cigarettes, starts to explain to me how to be healthier, I want to ask "Ban Lam Gi?!".

I have no doubt that some people think I'm a know-it-all too sometimes. In fact, I often feel like a know-it-all; I think that comes naturally with writing a blog for so long. So for now on if you think I have no idea what I'm talking about, please leave a comment, "Ban Lam Gi?".

Big Goofy White Guy II

(PICTURE: Oddly, dressing up like this is the best way not to feel goofy.)

You know that experience you have when you hear your voice on a recording? We all always think, "Do I really sounds like that?!" How we hear ourselves and how others hear us are never the same. This is exponentially true for video.

In 2000, seven friends and I lived in an apartment in Bayswater, London while participating in the Syracuse University study abroad program. During our months abroad we did lots of traveling in England and to other European countries. While I was snapping away pictures on a disposable camera, my buddy Alex was filming with his camcorder. He recently found all the footage and edited it all into an amazing thirty minute piece. While watching the footage I often found myself cringing at just how stupid I looked and acted ten years ago.

However, that was nothing compared to how stupid I looked on Huyen's sister's wedding video from just five months ago! Over Tet we watched the video and I truly am a big goofy white guy. In nearly ever shot that I'm in, whether it be in the foreground or background, I stand out like a giant. I can make a billion analogies but I truly look like Shaq reading to kindergartners. Well, you know, if Shaq was white and all the kindergartners were Vietnamese.

Watching with Huyen's family only reinforces how I feel about watching myself. Anytime I'm on the screen everyone immediately starts hysterically laughing as if I had just told a joke, rather than just sanding still. To make matters even worse, Huyen's sister Huong said to me, "You were more handsome then than now." Besides the fact that I've become uglier in five months, that also must mean I've become even goofier! Thank goodness nobody was videotaping during Tet.

Sexism

One thing I really dislike about Vietnam is the blatant sexism. Sure sexism exists in the United States too but nowhere near the extent that it does here. I've commented in the past how I've gotten annoyed when my female students have told me that women can never be ___ (fill in the blank with a high position in business or government).

At Huyen's house, sexism is always present. Men have their roles and women have their roles (Foreigners have their roles too -- sitting upstairs doing work and not bothering customers). One thing I really hate though is that whenever we sit down to a meal, only the men cheers their glasses. During Tet we cheers for a "Happy New Year" and the rest of the year we cheers "To Your Health." I mean, why can't the women participate in this? It really just makes me uncomfortable as if it is only important for the men to have a good year and good health. Whenever a woman happens to have a drink in front of her, I try and make a point to tap her glass too. This usually gets giggles from the woman whose glass I've clinked.

In Hanoi this is not always the case like it is in the countryside. When groups of friends get together, boys and girls all drink and cheers one another. With family it seems to be another story.

I'm not trying to sound like a moralist but, well, actually I am trying to sound like one. I feel like someone from the future who has traveled back fifty years and can't believe how stupid some things are.*

* This is also how I imagine a present day person would feel if they were to travel back to America during slavery or for that matter, how a future American would feel were he able to travel back to the present time and listen to the gay marriage debate.

The Year Of The Tiger

This new lunar year is "The Year Of The Tiger." Apparently this is a good year to have a son in Vietnam and a bad year to have a daughter. Actually, I was shocked to learn this because I thought Vietnamese people thought every year was a good year to have a son.

One thing you do during Tet is visit other families and friends and have a quick chat and snack with them. Huyen and I went to a friend's house and had a drink with her family. As her mother was pouring wine, her father informed us that there was a tiger in the wine. I laughed at this although I knew he was probably not joking. You may remember last year that while in Babe Lake, I drank wine that had been fermented with bear bones. Well, this was the same deal apparently except with a tiger.

For the record, I'm absolutely against killing tigers or any other non-farmed, close to extinction species. I can only assume that one tiger probably made thousands of bottles of wine but really I have no idea if this is the case. If you're keeping track though, I've now had a tiger and a bear. I'm officially only one blog away from the blog title, "Lions, Tigers and Bears Oh My."

Thankful For The Little Things

I have friends who have dated/are dating/married to girls with some serious perks. One of my buddies dated a girl with a private jet. Another is dating a girl whose family owns a deli (and he is perhaps the only person in the world who likes deli more than me). Another is dating someone with access to season tickets to sports team he likes. Another dates a girl who gets him free clothing (actually I sort of do too with my now never ending supply of socks from Huyen's job). Other friends have moved in with girls with sweet digs and other have dated girls with a car in New York City -- a rarity in Manhattan. Others have dated girls with beach houses or time-shares or just family homes in the 'burbs with a swimming pool. All those things are great, but when I'm in the countryside of Vietnam and my stomach starts to act like Mt. Vesuvius, I wouldn't trade my girlfriend's family's toilet for any of those things.