SIZE MATTERS

(PICTURE: I was never good at math. How many inches is 8 centimeters?)

Dear Ahoy Hanoi Fans,

"They" say size doesn't matter but we all know -- some of us sadly better than others -- that isn't true. So, in an experiment to see how big my site is I've added a counter today. Please click on my site at least twice as much as usual so I can feel good about myself. Thank you.

Ben

"Come Wash My Apartment"

(PICTURE: Huyen's new apartment. The person taking this photo had his back basically against the far wall...which isn't very far from the front wall)

When people get something new in Vietnam they are supposed to "wash it." No they don't physically put soap and water to the object. It's just an expression which means they must celebrate by buying others food/drinks, etc. So, Huyen moved apartments the other day and invited Ryan and I over to "come wash my apartment."

Let me just say, if you ever want to feel really good about where you live you should spend some time in a locals' apartment. Huyen's apartment is roughly 7 foot by 12 foot. Sure, it's probably just a tad smaller than a $1500 a month place in the village but it's lacking a few amenities like:

a) A mattress. There's a bed frame with just a rock hard "bed" on top of it. Basically it's just wood slots covered by a straw mat.
b) A toilet. There's a hole in the ground in a separate "room" but nothing to sit on. I just don't understand how the Vietnamese get any reading down.
c) A shower. There's a faucet which you use to fill up a bucket and then pour on yourself with a large spoon.
d) Air conditioning. Huyen's place is roughly 112 degrees Fahrenheit.
e) Window screens. Bugs/lizards just fly/crawl in. That said, it does come with a nice mosquito net.
f) A closet.

On the plus side the apartment costs $20 a month. Huyen splits the place with her sister so they each pay $10 a month. That's right, $10 a month. And yes, two people live in this tiny room. That's also the norm here. People always share their beds with friends and family.

Now I know why Huyen keeps coming over my apartment during the day -- she wants to use my bathroom and bask in my air conditioning.

Would You Like A Little AIDS With Your Goat Hot Pot?

(PICTURE: The literature my waiter handed me)

Two nights ago I'm sitting outside at my favorite goat hot-pot restaurant waiting for Ryan to show up. I had a couple minutes to spare so I took out midterm exams from my backpack which needed grading. I started to mark up the tests when a waiter came up to me and started to try and talk. He knew ZERO words in English and my twenty word vocab wasn't getting us too far. We said our names, shook hands, had a few chuckles at our lack of communication and then he wandered off.

I went back to grading my midterms when after about a minute the waiter returned holding a piece of paper. He handed me the paper with a huge grin and pointed at himself. I quickly glanced over the 8X10s and got the gist of what he was handing me. Basically it was a four page document printed off the internet about AIDS. He kept smiling at me and pointing at himself. I asked him, "Do you have Aids?" and he kept smiling and pointing. He gestured for me to keep the paper and meandered off, looking quite proud. I couldn't figure out if:
A. The waiter actually had AIDS
OR
B. He figured I was a teacher and wanted me to teach my students about AIDS
OR
C. Both

No real point to this story except that it was just another strange incident. And yes, I have a favorite goat hot-pot place.

It's Time To Be Taken A Little Seriously

All of my classes are great except for one teenage class. There are 19 students in that class and all of them are well behaved except for four boys. Yesterday as they were being obnoxious two thoughts popped into my head:

Thought 1: One of my favorite children's books -- I'm blanking on the name (help, Mom)-- is about a teacher who is really nice to her students and doesn't get the respect she deserves. So the teacher calls in sick to the school and dresses up in all black and comes into the class as a "substitute." Her new personality is extremely mean and she disciplines the children. After a week or so of this the kids are dying for their old nice teacher and when she reappears they are the ideal class.

Thought 2: I read an article about a police force in Mexico who were required to grow mustaches. In fact, I think they were fined if they didn't have mustaches. The reason behind the facial hair demand was that they find in Mexico people with 'staches get more respect.

Well, I put those two thoughts together and today I'm going to class with a new mentality...and a new look:

(PICTURE: No comment on the clearly bent/gigantic nose, Dad)

A Not So Sweet Reminder Of Sweet Times

I just cleaned off the clothes line and one article of clothing was left: Steve Song's dirty undies (sure they must be clean since they were obviously washed but come on, they're still dirty).

Incidentally, that white building on the right side is the Dutch Embassy. While taking the photo someone looked at me from the window. Yeah, I'm now just waiting for my front door to be knocked down by Vietnamese police. Anything for the blog...

Epiphany

(PICTURE: My days at Hebrew School. That's me third on the right side wearing a skull cap)

I had an epiphany last night while I was teaching my teenage pre-intermediate 1 class: I'm Teaching Hebrew School!

Well, I'm at least teaching the Vietnamese equivalent of Hebrew School. Here are the simple facts:
1. I'm teaching middle to upper class kids
2. These kids, for the most part, don't want to be at school in their limited free time.
3. Their parents don't care what their kids want and make them go to English School.
4. Every other kid's last name is Levy or Goldberg.

English Contest

(PICTURE: A sign advertising an English contest)

This sign caught my attention yesterday and since I haven't posted a funny sign in a while I thought, "hey this is great for the blog."

This sign was posted at Huyen's University advertising an English contest. Call me crazy but the English Club sponsoring an English contest should have probably had someone proofread their banners. My two favorite lines are:

1. "Wanna feel your English inside?"
2. "Experience true English!!!"