WARNING: Dog Lovers Turn Away

(PICTURE: The ceramic dog is safer than the white one.)

A couple weeks ago, Huyen and I were driving on the highway at night when a truck flew by me. As the truck went by I heard a really strange noise. I was pretty sure the truck was carrying thousands of chickens. A few minutes later the truck was pulled over on the side of the road and I was able to get a glimpse of the goods in the back. And well, it wasn't chickens. The truck was carrying HUNDREDS of dogs.

As a dog lover, I instantly felt bad. However, I've been living in Vietnam long enough to know that eating dog is just part of their culture. And well, I'm not going to judge them for it.

What I will judge though is a story Huyen told me the other day. I told Huyen that eventually I want to get a dog. Huyen told me that her family had a dog when she was growing up. She said they loved the dog which was named Lou (she said Vietnamese people name their dogs after Westerners: Joe, Lou, Bob, etc.). I asked what happened to her dog and she said that robbers killed her. I was shocked and asked what happened. She said that robbers had come into her house when she was young and had trapped her dog. I assumed the robbers trapped the dog so they could steal things from Huyen's family house. I asked her what the robbers took when they robbed the house. Huyen looked at me and said, "I told you. They took the dog." Apparently robbers in the country break into houses to steal dogs and sell them to the markets. Yeah, ridiculous.

The other day, when driving back from Huyen's parents house, this motorbike passed us:

I couldn't help but think, "I hope these dogs aren't some little girl's pet."

(PICTURE: Lets hope these dogs were going to the pound.)

Pottery Tools In The Ear

The other day I sat down on the street, waiting my turn for a shave. The person in the street side barber's chair had just had his face shaved and I started to stand up to take my turn in the chair. However, the barber wasn't done. The barber put on a headband/camping/spelunking flashlight thing and took out a bunch of tools from a kit.

If you have ever taken a pottery class you might recall the tools that usually sit on a table in a cup of water. There are usually different tools that all look like skinny screwdrivers with varied end pieces to carve/design shapes into pottery. Well, the tools the barber took out looked just like that. In fact, I'd bet money they are the same tools. One tool he took out was a long skinny nail. I assumed he was going to pierce the client's ear and I thought to myself, "Oh God. This is the least sanitary thing I have ever seen." However, it wasn't the least sanitary thing I had ever seen...that happened three seconds later when the barber stuck the tool deep inside the client's ear and started to clean.

When I was a kid I once went to an ENT (ear, nose and throat) doctor. The doctor cleaned out my ear and removed a disgusting amount of wax. Well, that is exactly what the barber was doing. However, I'm assuming the ENT had a little more training with this than the barber had.

Here's the video:


Don't forget to donate to my Habitat For Humanity campaign!!! You can send a check to:

[REDACTED]

OR pay with your credit card on www.paypal.com. You just need my email address: [REDACTED]

Thanks!!!

You Haven't Aged A Day, Brett!

(PICTURE: Official SU Alumni)

This picture was taken eight years ago when I graduated Syracuse University. Yes, eight years ago. I like to think that all of us in this picture still look the same as we did that day. I mean, sure there are some obvious difference. For one, I don’t wear backwards baseball hats anymore (I lost mine in Hong Kong).

One guy in the picture who hasn’t changed at all is my buddy Brett (third from the right wearing the whitening cream and red lipstick). Brett is still as handsome as ever, still sporting a tad gut and still making ludicrous faces in pictures. Here’s Brett recently:

Sadly I missed Brett and Alex’s 30th birthday party last Friday night (yeah, on my birthday) but I was emailed a great picture of Brett as a kid. This picture was on the cake that Brett and Alex had made for them:

Brett is the one wearing red Daisy Dukes and laying on the raft in a totally awkward position. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen Brett in college and in his NYC apartment laying on his bed/couch/etc. in the same position. Some people just never change.

One thing that I love about Brett (besides that he lets me crash at his apartment whenever I'm in NYC -- honestly who says only children are selfish?) is that he -- like this blog entry -- loves living in the past. Up until this day, whenever I go home, Brett always asks me about two girls from my hometown that he went on a teen tour with back in '96. I'm pretty sure Brett talked to those two girls more on his teen tour bus than I ever did in high school yet he always wants me to say hi to them whenever I go home. One time, over Thanksgiving, I went up to one of the girls and said, "Hey, I'm buddy's with Brett Goldstein at Syracuse. He said to say hi." The girl looked at me with a quizzical look and said, "Is Brett still wearing those red shorts?"

Province Mottos

(PICTURE: Vietnam's 58 Provinces)

In America each of the fifty states has its own motto. Here's the mottos for the three states I have lived in:

New Jersey – Liberty and Prosperity

New York - Excelsior (Meaning "Ever Upward")

California - Eureka (Meaning "I have found it")

Each state also has a nickname:

New Jersey - The Garden State

New York - The Empire State

California - The Golden State

In Vietnam they sort of have the same thing with all of their provinces. There are 58 provinces here and each one is “famous” for something. Huyen was telling me recently about a few famous provincial reputations. For example:

Hai Phong: Hai Phong is known to have the prettiest women in Vietnam...who are also the meanest women in Vietnam.

Ha Tinh: Ha Tinh province is known to be the poorest and cheapest province in Vietnam. Apparently their reputation is that they are so poor they carve fish out of wood, dip the wooden fish into sauce and suck off the sauce.

Ha Nam: Ha Nam is Huyen's province. Huyen told me her province is famous for their “Farting Bridge.” Back in the old days (maybe 20 years ago) nobody had toilets near their house so everyone would go to a bridge and drop a deuce off the side. Anyone who walked by the bridge (hopefully not under) would hear fart noises. She said there is another famous saying about her province: “There was a boy who was carrying twelve sweet potatoes. After he walked by the bridge he had thirteen.”

Scream If It's Your Birthday!!!!

Those tonsils belong to my buddy Alex, and yeah, it's his birthday.

The story of how Alex and I met is quite romantic. Alex was best friends with my buddy Mike in summer camp for years. When I got accepted to Syracuse back in '96, Mike told me I should become friends with Alex who also was going to Syracuse. For some reason or another Alex and I didn't get each other's contact information (this is pre-facebook so it was only moderately easy to get in contact with friends of friends).

Well, it was move in day at SU and my parents and I were in Schine Auditorium signing me up for cable television. I of course had to have cable since I was a communications major. After filling out the form, the cable guy read back my details. As soon as he read my name, some punk next to me said: "You're Ben August? You know Mike Aidekman, right?" That punk, wearing the baggiest jeans I've ever seen, was Alex. Since then we've been best friends. It's been twelve years. Holy crap, it's been twelve years!!!!

Happy birthday, Alex.

Door To Door Vets

(PICTURE: Actors playing my cousin Stacey and her husband Scott in a hypothetical made-for-tv-movie about them)

The other day, when I was at Huyen's sister's house, the doorbell rang. Huyen's brother-in-law answered the door and standing there was a woman with a needle. Huyen's brother-in-law promptly walked over to the family dog and dragged him out to the woman. The woman stuck the needle into the dog's butt and gave him a shot.

Apparently how it works here is that every few months, vets go door to door and give pets government mandatory shots. When I saw this I thought two things: a) "That's a pretty good idea." b) "I bet my cousin Stacey and her husband Scott, both NJ Vets, wouldn't think it was such a good idea."

REMINDER: Send me checks for Habitat For Humanity Vietnam. You can send it to my parent's house: Ben August, [REDACTED] OR you can send me money through paypal. Thanks! We're gonna build a house!

I Am 30.

I'm not sure what scares me most:

1. Today I'm thirty years old.

2. In two weeks I'll be thirty years old AND unemployed.

3. In two weeks and a few days I'll be thirty years old, unemployed AND living at home.

Last night in Vietnam I celebrated my birthday the same way I celebrated my 10th or 11th birthday -- with a bowling party/Habitat for Humanity Fundraiser. (NOTE: I'm writing this entry before the party so I have no pictures to post yet). A quick funny story: I sent out an email to everyone I play frisbee with about my party. The subject was: "Ben's Ba Buoi Bowling Birthday Bash." Well, I had a little typo in the subject. It should have read: Ben's Ba Muoi Bowling Birthday Bash. Ba Moui means 30. Ba Boui means "3 Penises." Yeah, I got a few emails from people about the typo.

My mom always tells me that out of her three kids, I was the most restless inside her womb. My mom said I kicked all the time and as the story goes, I was moving around so much that I nearly strangled myself on the umbilical chord. I guess things haven't changed that much in thirty years since I'm still really restless. My sister thinks that I moved to Vietnam because I had a quarter life crisis freak out. The truth is though, I just don't like to feel stuck somewhere for too long.

To celebrate being thirty, I asked my mom to email me some pictures of me as a baby and as a little kid. It's cool to see pictures of myself, but it is even cooler to see pictures of my parents who weren't that much older than I am now. My mom, with the help of my sister, actually scanned these pictures. My mom using a scanner is up there with the biggest surprises in the first thirty years of my life. Here's some pictures of fat little me:









For those of you who didn't read yesterday's blog, go check it out now. For my birthday present I want everyone to send me a check which I'll donate to Habitat for Humanity in Vietnam. Thanks in advance.

Oh, and Mom and Dad, thanks for everything these last thirty years.

My Birthday Present

Today is my birthday in Vietnam. But since I wasn't born in Vietnam, I'm not writing my birthday blog until tomorrow. However, this blog is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT. Over the last couple of months I have started to think of a way to do something good with the blog. Well, I've come up with an idea: I want everyone to send me a check for my birthday. That's right, send me a check. $1, $2, $5, $10, whatever you want. I'm going to take all the money and donate it to Habitat For Humanity in Vietnam. The way I see it is this:

a) For those of you who would have bought me a drink/dinner/etc. for my birthday if I was in the USA, put that money (or a fraction of it) towards helping to build a house for someone in Vietnam.

b) For those of you who I don't know that read Ahoy Hanoi, consider this your subscription fee. Throw a couple bucks in the mail and consider yourself paid up for a year worth of reading.

A few months ago I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity for a day and since then have thought that if everyone who reads the blog sent me a check for a few bucks, we could easily build a house (or two). A house costs a little over $2,000 to build and together we can make it happen. I really want to be able to give back a little to this country and to be able to say, "My blog built a house."

I know times are tough in the states right now so I understand if you can't contribute. However, I would really appreciate anything you can give. Like everything else here, a few bucks goes a LONG WAY.

Please send checks to:
[REDACTED]

I'm not sure how quickly these things work, but when I come back in August, I'll ideally I'll be able to help build the house. And well, anyone else who wants to come help is more than welcome to join!

NOTE: I wanted to set up a donation page through Habitat Vietnam but the people over here tell me they don't have that capability on their website yet.

The Farm

Last weekend Huyen and I visited her Grandfather. On our way to his house we picked up the other member of our carpool -- Huyen's nephew Viet Hoang. For some reason Viet Hoang likes my driving style and asked to ride with me and Huyen. By asked, I mean he just climbed on to my bike. Despite having lived in Vietnam for over a year, driving around a three year old still makes me really nervous. Huyen insisted though that it is safer for him to drive with two of us than just with his mother. I succumbed to Vietnam logic and let Viet Hoang ride with me. Basically how it works is that he is sandwiched between Huyen and I as I drive. I must be a good driver because after just a few minutes Viet Hoang was passed out and slept the whole ride.

Eventually we got to the ceramic village where I bought some souvenirs for my family. When we were leaving Viet Hoang climbed on to the front of my bike. I told Huyen that it definitely wasn't safe for Viet Hoang to ride there but she said -- and this is my favorite quote of the month and maybe year -- "It is okay. Viet Hoang wants to ride there." I said, "He's three. We're supposed to make those decisions!" Huyen and her sister laughed and then climbed on to our bikes. And yeah, I let him ride in front:

(PICTURE: Viet Hoang riding shotgun)


(PICTURE: This is the type of ride I'm comfortable giving little kids.)


After our visit to Huyen's grandfather's house, Huyen's sister invited me to her farm. Yes, her farm. Apparently Huyen's brother-in-law, much to the chagrin of Huyen's sister, bought a duck and pig farm a few miles from their house. I'm not exactly sure what he was doing before this but he put all his eggs so to speak into this farm basket. Personally, I love farms so this was really exciting for me to visit. Here's some pictures:

(PICTURE: Huyen'brother-in-law's duck and pig farm)



(PICTURE: Me and the pigs)



(PICTURE: Huyen in front of the neighbor's rice farm)



Ironically after leaving the farm, we stopped at a local market and bought some BBQ-ed duck. Apparently the 5,000 ducks on Huyen's brother's farm weren't ready to eat.

Cool Pictures

One of the great things about having friends visit is that you get to get copies of their pictures. Recently my friend Sebastian visited and he took some amazing pictures. It doesn't hurt that he's a cameraman in LA. Oh, and he used a non digital camera. It uses that plastic paper stuff. What's it called? Film? Check out these pictures:

There Aren't Many Black People In Vietnam

When my buddy PJ visited last year, he was the first black person Huyen had ever met. The fact is, there just aren't that many black people in Vietnam. Don't get me wrong, there are black people in Hanoi but they're just few and far between. Because of this, I was asked a really funny question by a few of my students the other day when we were talking about how to greet people. My students asked me: "Do you shake hands with black people or do you do this (they motioned making a fist and doing a three step fist bump thing)?"

I told them to shake hands.

Vietnamese People Are Built Differently

About two months ago Ryan and Jessica told me they saw an accident. They said that a man was driving fast on his motorbike and was hit by a car (or ran into a car or something with a car...right Ryan, Jess?). They said the guy flew off his motorbike and hit a tree in the median. Seconds later they said the man popped up, got back on his crashed bike and rode off. I took this story with a grain of salt...until yesterday.

Yesterday I was resting in the pool, trying to catch my breath, while surveying the insane sea of people. At the time there must have been at least sixty people in and around the not-so-big pool. As I was watching everyone, I saw a teen -- probably around 18 -- sprint out of the locker room towards a group of his friends. Generally in the states we have signs around pools that say "No Running" because well, the tile can be really slippery. Well the tile at this pool is definitely slippery. The teen ran about fifteen feet and then WIPED OUT HARDER THAN I HAVE EVER SEEN ANYONE WIPE OUT. The kid was probably two feet off the ground with his body almost completely parallel with the floor. His head came crashing down first and from thirty feet away I could hear the THUD. My heart skipped a beat and I literally felt nauseous. I was about to jump out of the pool when the kid jumped to his feet, quickly rubbed his head, and then continued to run to his friends. His friends laughed at him, hit him on the head, and then ran across the tile back towards the locker room with him.

I have never seen anyone bounce up from anything so obviously painful. If that was me, well, I would have gone to the hospital. Yeah, Vietnamese people are built differently.

Happy Birthday Russ and Noah!

The 30th Birthday train continues to roll in April. Happy birthday to Russ and Noah!

Russ turning thirty isn't a big deal. We all honestly thought he was thirty in middle school since he was the only kid who had a goatee. Here's a picture of Russ and the future mother of his children:




Noah has been one of my best friends since my family moved across the tracks in Livingston. There is nobody in this world who can beat Noah when it comes to a combination of having a good heart and a smart brain. The guy is just awesome...and for a guy who we used to call "Noah-nerd", he's surprisingly really great at sports too. That said, for Noah's 30th birthday this year I'm going to beat him in tennis. I'm not exactly sure how, but it is going to happen. So, ah, Noah, can you make a reservation at your club this summer? And do I need to pre-order a BLT sandwich? Here's Noah with the future mother of his children:



Happy Birthday, guys!!!

Oh and yes, at 30 nearly everyone has pictures of the future mother of their children.

The Best Teacher Ever

It's official: I'm the best teacher ever. Every teacher, after three weeks of a new class, gets reviewed by their students. I've always gotten good marks but this week I got great marks. In fact, according to the teacher coordinator at the school who analyzes all of the reviews, I got the best scores ever.

You don't believe me? Well, read the reviews for yourself:



Those who know me know that I don't really like to brag or gloat (yeah, right!). So after getting this review I did what any humble teacher would do -- I walked around the office shaking hands with the Language Link staff and taped my review above the front desk. Oh, and then I demanded my own bathroom.

Chicken Feet

I've eaten some weird food out here but one thing I won't get used to is this:



Vietnamese people love chicken feet. There is so little meet on the feet that I just don't get it. It's one of those things that you have to chalk up as a cultural difference. The other night my frisbee friends bought a few kilos of feet and we went to town. After cutting the inside of my lip on a claw, I asked if anyone had nail clippers. The answer was no so I called it quits after three feet.

A New Girlfriend

The other night, when I finished teaching, I got a text message from Huyen: "You have a new girlfriend." When I got to my house I was greeted by this girl:

Yes, she looks a lot like my old girlfriend.

One of the things I like about Vietnam is the brutal honesty of people. The day after cutting her hair I asked Huyen what her coworkers thought. She said, "They thought it was okay but everyone said I look better with long hair." Well, I disagree. I really love the short look...although it officially means that ALL the important women in my life now have short haircuts: My mom, my sister, my grandmas and Huyen.

Ora Minh Hamilton

On Friday night Huyen and I had dinner with my friend Steve and his pregnant wife Trang.



Forty eight hours after this photo, Trang was in labor. Twenty four hours after her first contractions, Trang gave birth to Ora Minh Hamilton. Ora was born two weeks early...but right on time to share her birthday with her Father. Congrats Steve and Trang!

Swimming Lessons Part II

Despite the video from yesterday, it wasn't smooth sailing the whole time in the pool. The following video is an "out take" from our swim day. I'm a tad biased, but this is one of my favorite videos I've shot this year. As an added incentive to watch this video, I'll give a little teaser: my motto with swim lessons is "Safety First." However, there was an injury that happened in the water...and it was to me:

Swimming Lessons

(PICTURE: Huyen loving her first time in a pool.)

Last weekend I expanded my teaching resume -- I taught Huyen how to swim. Huyen not only couldn't swim, but she had NEVER BEEN IN A POOL...and didn't own a bathing suit. Here's some footage:



(PICTURE: After about fifteen minutes of swimming Huyen was exhausted)

My Aunt Ronny

Growing up all of my favorite paintings in my childhood home were done by the same artist -- my Aunt Ronny. My Aunt Ronny is a fantastic artist (along with being an extremely accomplished equestrian rider). After teaching art for over twenty years in public schools, my Aunt recently had her first solo art show.

The show opened on March 14 at the Wallkill River School in Montgomery, New York. Her art was exhibited in the Patchett House, an old historic building. Besides my aunts's art, she also had a book of her art statements and accomplishments on display. One of my aunt's most important statetments is that: "Painting has helped me to learn about the world that I live in. I look forward to sharing these visual experiences."

When I first moved to Vietnam, my Aunt, being a teacher, gave me some advice. She told me: "Just remember to make it fun and you are the teacher not the friend." I've taken her words to heart this past year and applied them to my classroom. I've found that a fun classroom makes all the difference in energizing kids and adults to learn. Also, when you act as a teacher first, friendship often comes out of it.

Recently, when I asked my Aunt about her time teaching in public school she told me that, "I hope that I passed along something special to each and everyone of my students. Many times students would tell me that they would never make money studying art. I did tell them though that they would use art everyday...in just picking out their clothes...making choices with color. Arranging their rooms---spatial relationships...and the list goes on. I loved to teach art and I guess because I like to make art."

This upcoming week my Aunt's work will be in a group show at the ART STUDENTS LEAGUE on 57th Street. If you're in New York, stop by!

Here's some pictures of a few of my Aunt's paintings: