Swapping in Vietnam!

Great news!!! Swapping in Vietnam is totally cool!!!!! Whoah, whoah, whoah...not that type of swapping you pervs! I'm talking about babies swapping different mothers' breasts. Okay, so it's not that far off from the type of swapping you were thinking.

Long story short: Hoai's sister-in-law gave birth eight months ago which meant there was also an adorable little girl baby in the house at times. At some point, I walked into a bedroom and saw the sister-in-law breastfeeding. I quickly said, "Whoahhhh. Sorry!" and exited the room (yes, Mom, I know there is no reason to be embarrassed). A moment later, I walked outside and saw the sister-in-law's baby with the brother-in-law. I immediately said to Huyen, "Uhhhh, if this baby is here, who was the sister-in-law breastfeeding?" The answer was Hoai's baby. Apparently new mother's help each other out by breastfeeding if one is low on breast milk. I had never heard of such a thing before however Huyen told me it is very common in Vietnam. In fact, she said that women used to sit in a circle breastfeeding each others' babies. She said that Vietnamese believe that when a baby drinks from another mother, it will increase milk production from that mother.

I told this to my mother who validated the theory behind this. My mother said that the more a woman breastfeeds, the more milk a woman will produce. My mother, a breast feeding advocate, told me that her pet peeve is when doctors tell women who are struggling to produce milk, that they should both breastfeed and give formula. She said that by giving formula to a baby it'll make the baby breastfeed less and thus in turn make the mother produce even less milk.

The more I thought about it, the less weird it seemed to have a different mother breastfeed a baby. I mean, that's what wet nurses do, right? That said, it's still a little weird to me! Mothers in America, how would you feel having another woman breastfeed your baby?

Pressure Cooker

(PICTURE: The pressure cooker we bought Hoai.)

At some point in Hue, Huyen and I were sent out to buy a pressure cooker. While shopping for one, Huyen informed me that the purpose of the cooker was to be able to cook pigs' feet for Hoai. I had heard of cravings while pregnant, but a craving for pigs' feet post-birth seemed just weird. Well, it turned out that Vietnamese think that eating pigs' feet will help a mother produce more breast milk.

Producing breast milk and breast feeding became a big topic of conversation throughout our stay in Hue. My mother is a big advocate of breast feeding and that mothers shouldn't feel like they need to breast feed in private. Well, my mother would have loved to been in Hue because boobies were out 22/7. I swear, Nhat Minh was the thirstiest infant I've ever been around.

One of the questions that arose was how long Vietnamese mothers usually breast feed for. The answer I got was usually around 6 months to 3 years (or even up to 5 years!). I asked my mom how long Americans usually breastfeed for and should told me it varies. Specifically she told me that I breastfed for 16 months which was 4 months longer than my brother. However it wasn't even close to the embarrassingly long amount of time my sister breast fed for. Lets just say the number is bigger than 23 and small than 48!

I'm an uncle!!!!....again!

(PICTURE: Say hello to my nephew Nhat Minh.)

Huyen's sister Hoai had a baby boy a couple of weeks ago which means I'm an uncle...again! Now that Huyen and I are officially married, I'm an Uncle three times over. I'm not afraid to play favorites either -- I've got Lilah, my nearest (but farthest) and dearest. Then there is Viet Huong, the four-year-old menace and now Nhat Minh, the most handsome boy in Hue.

Being the good aunt and uncle that we are, Huyen and I flew down to Hue to visit Hoai and her baby. Besides being great to catch up with Hoai, her husband Tan and his family, it was an overall extremely education experience for me. I constantly found myself emailing my mother asking, "In America do new mothers do ______."

The thing that I found most surprising is that mew mothers can not shower or brush their teeth for a considerable amount of time after giving birth. Hoai had given birth ten days earlier yet still hadn't showered when we got there. I was initially told that women in Vietnam can't shower for about a month after birth. However, Hoai broke down and showered on day #12 (albeit she didn't brush her teeth). I'm not an expert on why this is but everyone kept saying that it had to do with keeping a woman's blood warm.

Post-birth, there is a lot of focus given to the mothers in Vietnam. I think this is quite different than in America where the majority of the attention after giving birth is given to the baby. Sure, us American care about new mothers but we sort of assume they're in fine health after leaving the hospital. In Vietnam, they are very concerned about the woman not having to do anything for a long time after birth. Basically Hoai wasn't allowed to leave the house at all...and wouldn't be leaving the house for at least a couple of months.

I read an interesting article about how different cultures treat mothers postpartum. Check it out if you have time: Here's an interesting story. It was really interesting to talk with Huyen and her family about giving birth in America. Huyen definitely expressed some nervousness about what it would be like to give birth in America. So family, lets revisit this article around 2012, shall we?

My Personal Chef

I've finally made it in life. No, this isn't another blog about getting married. This is about reaching a certain status in life -- I've got a personal chef. Okay, technically speaking my chef is my brother-in-law Su but that doesn't take away from the fact that every time I come home at night, I've got a home cooked meal waiting for me.

You see, Su's dorm is about a five minute walk from my apartment. This means that Su has been hanging out at my place a lot. In return for showering/doing laundry/etc. at my apartment, Su has taken it upon himself to cook dinner for Huyen and me on a nightly basis. This is a win-win for everyone because:

A) Su's meals (which we reimburse him for) cost less than $5 to feed the three of us. This is definitely cheaper than the usual dinners Huyen and I go out for.
B) Su gets to feed himself food which is much healthier and more delicious than what he would eat at this dorm.
C) Su gets to practice his English with me almost every night.
D) It's good practice for when Huyen and I have a child and make him/her do all of our household chores.
E) Su looks great in the apron and chef's hat I make him wear.
F) I now only have to wash the dishes half the time because Huyen and I have a deal, "whoever doesn't cook, cleans." Now that she's not cooking, that means she has to wash dishes too!

I gotta say, everyone should have a personal chef!

Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due

Two days ago I made fun of government inefficiency. However, I need to give credit where credit is due: The USCIS and HCMC Consular Info offices have been incredibly efficient and helpful so far with the immigration process. I've actually been shocked how quickly the two offices have gotten back to me with helpful answers to my plethora of questions. I know the two offices are both quite busy, but they have definitely impressed me thus far. Fingers crossed that at the end of this process I'll continue to have plenty of good things to say about them!

6-12 Months

(PICTURE: "Yes, Mr. and Mrs. August your table will be ready in 6-12 months.")

In case the good news was lost in yesterday's annoyed post let me restate it today: The Embassy accepted my I-130 package. I'm not 100% sure this means I've qualified to apply from abroad but I'm sort of assuming it does since they took my money (Although they took Huyen's $150 last year to apply for a visa and then rejected her).

I had asked the embassy a few weeks ago how long the whole process will take and they said 6-12 months. This means:

Best Case Scenario: Huyen and I can arrive in America at the end of March/beginning of April.
Worst Case Scenario (AKA: The USCIS office is reading my blog scenario): Huyen and I can arrive in America at the end of next September.
Truly Worst Case Scenario: They reject us for whatever ridiculous reason and our 6-12 month count must start again from a later date.

My friend Steve went through immigration processing last year and he's been a great help to Huyen and me so far. When I told him the 6-12 month wait time he said a great line to me: "Maybe they're just trying to discourage people who have bad intentions, like a restaurant that says its an hour wait to be seated when it ends up being 10 min." Lets hope that this wait time ends up being much shorter than they told me. I would love for Huyen to be able to see some snow for the first time next March!

Government Inefficiency

Have you ever read an article about how the USA can't account for billions of dollars in Iraq? If not, here's the first one that came up when I googled, "Billions of dollars lost in Iraq."

It seems pretty mind-numbing and unexplainable when something like this can happen. Well, let me try and simplify it for you as politely as possible since I'm currently relying on the USA government to process Huyen's immigration paperwork.

Look at this notebook with empty folders:


Inside this notebook was my extremely organized I-130, petition for Alien Relative. I had spent hours putting together this notebook so it was as neat and organized as possible. Actually, I can't take all the credit since Huyen cut and glued all of the numbered tabs. The front of the notebook had a cover letter with a table of contents. Here's a small portion of the cover letter that talks about what is enclosed:

I have enclosed the following materials:

1. Completed I-130 Form
2. Completed G-325A Form for the Petitioner (4 copies)
3. Completed G-325A Form for the Beneficiary (4 copies)
4. Passport photo (4X6cm) of the Petitioner
5. Passport photo (4X6cm) of the Beneficiary
6. Copy of U.S. Passport of the Petitioner
7. Copy of all Vietnam entries & exits stamps on U.S. Passport
8. Copy of the Birth Certificate of the Petitioner
9. Copy of the Birth Certificate of the Beneficiary (with translation)
10. Copy of Marriage Certificate (with translation)
11. Employment Verification for the Petitioner
12. Employment Verification for the Beneficiary
13. Copy of Work Permit (with and without Vietnamese notary stamp)
14. Copy of Business Visas
15. Statement from petitioner stating that I will be on the airplane to go back to the US with the beneficiary once immigrant visa has been issued
16. Petitioner’s email address

Supplementary Supporting Documents:

A. Copy of registration form issued by the police station maintaining jurisdiction over Petitioner’s apartment (with translation)

B. Most recent US tax return and W-2 forms (2009 & 2008 copies included)

C. Copy of FBI Background Check (needed for my Vietnamese work permit)

D. Copy of TESOL Certification from HCMC

All in all there were about 200 pages of documents and forms.

Feeling confident about my petition, I went to the US Embassy this morning (I am writing this on 9/23 but it won't post for a couple of days). I approached the Citizen Services window and rang the bell for service. A Vietnamese woman came to the window and asked what I needed. I told her I wanted to file my I-130 package. She told me to pass the package through the small opening in the thick glass window and I did. She looked at the notebook for a second and then asked if I had a Service Number. I didn't. Frankly, I didn't see where to get a number when I walked in and there was only one other American there who was just sitting on a chair not doing anything. Anyway, I need a number and had to leave the window (picture yourself going to the deli counter and there being only one person nearby and the butcher not doing anything yet telling you to take a number...that's sort of what it was like).

I should have known it was going to turn into an annoying morning when all of a sudden the power went out. Yes, even the embassy apparently loses power from time to time. The power came on about thirty seconds later but it took another ten minutes to get a number since the machine had to be rebooted and then refilled with paper. Anyway, I'm getting off topic...

So I go back to the window and before I hit the service button, I see the woman showing my notebook to a few other workers. They must have found 200 pages of documents hilarious because all three girls were laughing at my notebook. I think at this point I let out a deep sigh and rang the bell. The girl came back to the window and I believe this was the conversation:
GIRL: Sir your notebook is very organized but we can't accept it. You need to give us the petition with just paper.
ME: So you want me to remove all the papers?
GIRL: Yes. We only accept it as a stack of papers.
ME: Really? It seem like that wouldn't be very organized and the papers might get out of order.
GIRL: I asked two of my coworkers and they said it must be only paper.
ME: Are you sure?
GIRL: Let me just check with the USCIS office in HCMC.
(NOTE: The USCIS office is the United States Citizens and Immigration Services office.)
(NOTE 2: The girl walked away for about twenty seconds and then came back. I never saw her get on the phone)
GIRL: Yes, the USCIS office says they can only take a stack of papers. Please take them out of the notebook. You can right the numbers on the documents with this.
(NOTE: The girl handed me little post it notes. It was at this point that my pretty transparent face started to say, "Are you f-ing kidding me?". I tried to hide my emotions but the girl clearly knew I was not happy.)

So I took my notebook and sat down and proceeded to take out all the paperwork and make a stack of papers. I attached post it notes to the top right corners of everything and numbered them just like I had already done in my notebook. I then went back to the window and gave the girl the stack of papers.

GIRL: Okay, do you have your business visas in here?
BEN: Yes.
GIRL: Okay, where are they?
BEN: They were in section 14.

The girl then rifled through the papers, making a little mess of everything until she found my business visas.

GIRL: Do you have a copy of your passport?
BEN: Yes.
GIRL: Where is it?
BEN: It was in section 6.

The girl then rifled through the papers some more until she found the passport. She then said it had to be notarized by the embassy (this was the first I had ever heard of this as it wasn't written in any of the forms the embassy had previously given me or put on their website). Next she told me to go pay in the next room.

I went to the next room and was greeted by another worker. That worker had my application with a rubber band around it. That made me feel a little better although a rubber band isn't exactly a notebook with a table of contents and 17 tabs. The girl then asked me:

GIRL 2: Do you work here?
BEN: Yes. My work permit and contacts are in the packet.
GIRL 2: But you have never registered yourself with the embassy?
BEN: No I don't think I have although I have been to this office about five times before and nobody told me I should register.

DEEP BREATHS.... Anyway, I paid the $355 fee and was told the USCIS office in HCMC would get in touch with me. I can only assume they'll be getting in touch with me to say that some forms/documents/pictures are missing from my application.