A Rough Start

(PICTURE: I'm going to miss green rice fields.)

This past Thursday was Independence Day in Vietnam. To celebrate the Vietnamese beating the Americans, Thursday and Friday wer a national holiday.

Huyen and I decided to take a road trip to Babe Lake which is located about 250 KM north of Hanoi. I told Huyen we should take my motorbike since it was a rental and well, the people who I rent from charged me an arm and a leg to keep the bike for 8 more days (an arm and a leg costs $24 when usually I pay $30 for a month).

There are always two problems with road trips in Vietnam:

Problem 1: The highways are scary as hell and frankly not fun to drive on.

Problem 2: My butt/anyone with nerve ends in their butt begins to hurt immensely after about thirty kilometers on the road.

For this trip, Huyen and I solved both problems:

Solution 1: I borrowed an extremely detailed map of nearly all Vietnamese roads from Long (where this map was on our bike trip I don't know.) Huyen and I took the highway for about an hour total during our 12 hour trip to Babe. Once we left Hanoi we saw nothing but gorgeous moutains and green rice fields.

Solution 2: Huyen sewed together His & Her Butt Pillows for my bike:

(PICTURE: Our butt pillows and luggage for our four day trip.)

That said, our trip got off to a rocky start. Just minutes after getting onto our first country road, I heard a POP. I chose to ignore it until Huyen said, "Stop! We have a flat." Sure enough we had a flat tire. Luckily we were literally 8 feet down the road from a repair shop. The shop fixed my inner tube and tire. He also tightened my brakes. My bike was as good as new.

(PICTURE: My bike getting its back tire fixed.)

The second rocky part of our trip happened a few hours later. Huyen and I were on a road that the map key classifies as a "dirt road." We were literally on a path in the middle of nowhere that was even tougher to drive on because 40% of it was muddy. Huyen and I finally got through the narrow path and emerged on a four foot wide paved road...where three cops were waiting for us.

The cops waved me down with a baton and I pulled over on to the side of the road. The head cop saluted me, which I thought was a way of saying "You're a foreigner so no problems here." Yeah, it didn't mean that. Instead it meant, "I'm going to try and blackmail you for money." The cop asked for my driver's license and passport. Luckily I was carrying my driver's license for the first time ever. Literally I had never actually carried it before because it's too big to fit into a wallet and nobody actually carries their license with them here. After I surprised the cop with my IDs he asked to see the motorbike registration/ownership papers. Since I rent the bike I don't have those papers. The cop shook his head and then showed Huyen his official notebook. By "official" I mean he had a notebook you can buy at any convenience store anywhere in the world. On the back of the notebook he had HAND WRITTEN some sentence with numbers next to them. He told Huyen these were the official fines for our offenses. Yes, offenses. Apparently we had two. Not only didn't I have registration papers BUT he said our license plate was on crooked. Yeah, it wasn't. The cop wanted 350,000 Dong. He said that was the fine or they would take my bike and hold it for thirty days. Huyen apologized to him and gave him 50,000 Dong. The cop quickly pocketed the money like he was doing us a favor.

If this wasn't ridiculous/infuriorating enough, a motorbike rode up to the three cops while we were stopped. On the motorbike were THREE MEN (three people on a bike is illegal). All three men WERE NOT WEARING HELMETS (not wearing helmets is illegal). Also I'm pretty sure all three men were DRUNK (I'm not sure if drinking and driving is illegal here). Yeah, the cops waved them through the checkpoint.

As we were leaving the head police officer told Huyen that there were two more police check points ahead. About fifteen minutes later we saw a checkpoint and did what any responsible person would do in that situation: we blazed through it while looking around obliviously. The cops didn't stop us.

On our way home Huyen and I were stopped by another checkpoint. I took off my helmet and mask and the cops saw that I was a foreigner. One of them said, "Let him go, he's a foreigner." They all laughed at me and waved me on. Man, why can't all cops be as cool as that?

Typical Day

(PICTURE: My 9AM class on my birthday.)

I thought I'd share one of my typical days with everyone:

7:00 AM Wake Up
7:30 AM Eat breakfast at the local market ($0.25)
8:00 AM Get to school, check my email (read about the Boston Bruins), and prepare my classes. Up until two months ago I didn't go to school until 3PM. However, I have taken on two classes recently to get some extra money before going home.
11:00 AM I finish my first class and go to the swimming pool. ($2.75 to swim)
12:30 PM Eat lunch ($0.85)
1:30 PM Teach a second class
4:00 PM Go to a cafe and write my blog(s).
5:30 PM Teach a family at their home.
7:30 PM Teach my final class at school.
9:00 PM Go to dinner with Huyen. (around $10 depending on where we eat).
10:30 PM Play pool or watch a movie with Huyen.

That is my schedule Monday, Wednesday and Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday I only work three hours and write/exercise/eat/nap the rest of the day. Yeah, it's a pretty good life.

Thank You!/Worst Brother-In-Law Ever/Happy Birthday Lippman!

Last night I got back from a four day motorbike trip with Huyen to Babe Lake. The trip was amazing and I'll post pictures as soon as I download them...which isn't easy since my camera has been on the fritz for months.

Anyway, when I opened up my email yesterday I had almost two dozen emails with donations towards Habitat For Humanity. I also had a couple emails from my mother about all the envelopes that had arrived at my house. After counting up the total, we're halfway to reaching my goal of $2,000!!! That said, we're only halfway. I hope those readers out there send a couple bucks in the mail. We wouldn't be anywhere close to the halfway mark if it wasn't for the small contributors as well as the big contributors.

I want to take a moment and apologize to my sister-in-law Kathy. I am the worst brother-in-law ever. Not only did I forget her birthday but I also posted my dog post on her birthday. Kathy is one of the biggest dog lovers in the world. Sorry, Kathy!...but all dogs go to heaven, right? That said, she got revenge on me: she taught Lilah how to crawl! How freaking cruel is that?! She couldn't wait one more week to start crawling. Thanks a lot, Lilah/Kathy.


(PICTURE: Rocky is pissed that he's now gonna have competition for scraps on the floor.)

(PICTURE: Crawling is tiring. Luckily Lilah's got a great pillow -- my dad.)

Finally, happy birthday Adam Lippman! Welcome to the now populated thirty club. Adam, is one of my oldest friends who recently got himself a great birthday present -- a fiance.

My favorite memory of Adam took place in my driveway about fifteen years ago. My friends and I were playing roller hockey and all of a sudden Lippman was in a fight with our friend Wishnia. Wishnia, mind you, is the biggest/toughest/strongest kid I have ever known. Somehow Lippman won the fight. After that Buster Douglas moment, I can't remember anyone ever fighting Lippman again.

(Adam and his fiance Erika.)

One Year

Things just haven't been the same since May 2nd, 2008...

Happy Birthday, Nose!

(PICTURE: The two biggest shnozes to ever come out of New Jersey.)

I love Jeremy Bier for a thousand reasons. Here's one: Because of Jeremy, my dad stopped calling me "nose" around age 14. Thanks, Bier! Happy Birthday!!!

I know I've had a lot of birthday posting recently and that's because, well, most of my best friends were all born around the same time. Actually, the summer that I turned 21, Jeremy, myself, Alex and Brett (all born the same week) went to a bar in Union Square, NY. As we showed the bouncer our IDs he did a double take. He looked at us and asked something like, "Are these real? You all turned 21 this week?" We said yes and walked into the bar.

To add to this post, I'll give a little fact about Vietnamese birthdays. In Vietnam, you are supposed to buy everyone dinner/drinks at your birthday party. To me, this is a great idea. How many times have you gone to a dinner for a friend's birthday and ended up splitting a bill that seemingly cost way more than you'd ever spend on dinner? Here if you want to go to a nice restaurant for your birthday you pay for it. If you want to go to a dive bar you pay for it. And conversely whenever you go to a friends' birthday you don't pay a cent. It's a good system.

What I'm trying to say is, Bier you owe me dinner for your birthday. Thanks.

Please send Jeremy's birthday gifts to me and I'll donate them to Habitat For Humanity. Thanks!

WARNING: Dog Lovers Turn Away

(PICTURE: The ceramic dog is safer than the white one.)

A couple weeks ago, Huyen and I were driving on the highway at night when a truck flew by me. As the truck went by I heard a really strange noise. I was pretty sure the truck was carrying thousands of chickens. A few minutes later the truck was pulled over on the side of the road and I was able to get a glimpse of the goods in the back. And well, it wasn't chickens. The truck was carrying HUNDREDS of dogs.

As a dog lover, I instantly felt bad. However, I've been living in Vietnam long enough to know that eating dog is just part of their culture. And well, I'm not going to judge them for it.

What I will judge though is a story Huyen told me the other day. I told Huyen that eventually I want to get a dog. Huyen told me that her family had a dog when she was growing up. She said they loved the dog which was named Lou (she said Vietnamese people name their dogs after Westerners: Joe, Lou, Bob, etc.). I asked what happened to her dog and she said that robbers killed her. I was shocked and asked what happened. She said that robbers had come into her house when she was young and had trapped her dog. I assumed the robbers trapped the dog so they could steal things from Huyen's family house. I asked her what the robbers took when they robbed the house. Huyen looked at me and said, "I told you. They took the dog." Apparently robbers in the country break into houses to steal dogs and sell them to the markets. Yeah, ridiculous.

The other day, when driving back from Huyen's parents house, this motorbike passed us:

I couldn't help but think, "I hope these dogs aren't some little girl's pet."

(PICTURE: Lets hope these dogs were going to the pound.)

Pottery Tools In The Ear

The other day I sat down on the street, waiting my turn for a shave. The person in the street side barber's chair had just had his face shaved and I started to stand up to take my turn in the chair. However, the barber wasn't done. The barber put on a headband/camping/spelunking flashlight thing and took out a bunch of tools from a kit.

If you have ever taken a pottery class you might recall the tools that usually sit on a table in a cup of water. There are usually different tools that all look like skinny screwdrivers with varied end pieces to carve/design shapes into pottery. Well, the tools the barber took out looked just like that. In fact, I'd bet money they are the same tools. One tool he took out was a long skinny nail. I assumed he was going to pierce the client's ear and I thought to myself, "Oh God. This is the least sanitary thing I have ever seen." However, it wasn't the least sanitary thing I had ever seen...that happened three seconds later when the barber stuck the tool deep inside the client's ear and started to clean.

When I was a kid I once went to an ENT (ear, nose and throat) doctor. The doctor cleaned out my ear and removed a disgusting amount of wax. Well, that is exactly what the barber was doing. However, I'm assuming the ENT had a little more training with this than the barber had.

Here's the video:


Don't forget to donate to my Habitat For Humanity campaign!!! You can send a check to:

[REDACTED]

OR pay with your credit card on www.paypal.com. You just need my email address: [REDACTED]

Thanks!!!