Pig Bird

On Wednesday one of my Pre-Intermediate 1 students asked me, "Do you know pig bird?"
Naturally I thought she misspoke so I asked her to repeat her question. She once again said, "Do you know pig bird?" Still thinking she misspoke I wrote the word "pig bird" on the white board. The student excitedly nodded her head and said, "Yes, pig bird." She then said something in Vietnamese and all the students in my class started rambling in English, "pig bird." I asked the class what a pig bird is and one of the better speakers said in broken English, "when pig bird fly over house you die." I asked her to elaborate more but the language barrier was too great. There was only one thing to do--ask my Upper Intermediate class.

I brought the question to my UI students and the girls explained that when a pig bird flies near your house and sings it means someone is going to die. More or less the same explanation. The guys in my class began to yell out that it wasn't true -- a superstition if you will -- but the girls continued to defend it.

I asked if the pig bird looked like a pig but was told it only sounds like a pig. Yen, one of the pig bird defendants, began to make pig noises: "Yeeee Yeeee Yeeeee." Oh, for those of you who don't know, animal noises are different in ever country. If you try and translate the word dog by saying, "Woof Woof", people will have no idea what you're talking about or possible think you're describing a chicken. One of my favorite things to do is ask my younger students what noises a ____ makes and hear the response (Yes, I'll eventually get this on video).

Anyway, I'm now terrified of seeing a pig bird because, well, I don't want to die. I asked an artist to draw a picture of the bird so I can avoid it at all costs or at least attempt to shoot it with some kind of projectile if it flies over my house. So visitors if you come to 'Nam look out for this:

Rainy Season

It is currently the rainy season in Hanoi. When I first heard about the rainy season I pictured it just consistently raining for a couple months straight. However that's not how it works. Basically it'll just be hot as hell here and all of a sudden the sky opens up and buckets of water drop from the cloud. The downpour is followed by gigantic strikes of lightning and ear shattering thunder. The storms last from anywhere between twenty minuets to a couple of hours.

This video (which you really can't see any of the rain but can hear it pretty well) was shot while I was writing at my computer. It was a normal day and then WHAM it became dark out and heavy rain began to fall. There was a ton of lightning which was bad news since I had to drive to work for my 4PM class.

In the states it is slightly nerve-wracking driving in a lightning storm despite being grounded in your car with four rubber wheels. Here it's just a tad scarier when you're riding a motorbike, completely exposed to the elements. Despite the two rubber wheels I'm pretty sure you'd be toast -- literally -- if lightning struck you.

Perspective

Now this is a small spider:




In the end, I let the spider live. However, I'm pretty sure a salamander/lizard ate it a few minutes later. Yeah, that's right we've now got salamanders and lizards in my house. I swear I feel like I'm living in biblical times and the ten plagues are upon us. Just to be safe I'm smearing sheep's blood on the door post of the house -- that's officially my first and last Passover reference.

Grey Hairs

With love in the air this week I thought I'd post yet another video of Huyen and I. This is a glimpse of every day life in my "office." Whenever Huyen is over and I sit down at my computer to do some work, she comes up behind me and starts to pluck my grey hairs...with her fingers:




Consider this your warning visitors who happen to have grey hairs...

Michael and Kari

I woke up yesterday morning with an interesting email:

Subject: Crazy
From: Michael Levy
To: Ben August

Dude, I'm engaged...

Yes, this is pretty crazy. Michael and Kari reconnected at our ten year high school reunion....in November....of 2007. Yeah, that's right, seven months ago. Ever since Mike started talking to Kari again he's been crazy. And no, not the usually crazy-angry Mike but a good crazy-happy Mike. Every time I've talked to Mike since then he's been with Kari...even that time he told me, "Bro, I'm sooo busy with med-school work I can't possibly come to NYC to see you before you go to 'Nam." Yeah, that time he was with Kari too...and I can only assume giving her some kind of medical exam because my oldest friends in the world would never lie to me!

Anyway, I'm really excited for you guys. Kari I hope you're prepared to:
1. Eat Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches the rest of your life.
2. To either never eat crust again or to finish all of Michael's crust.
3. To build a lot of forts in the woods.
4. To get irrationally angry from time to time. i.e. You carpool to an event and don't get dropped off first.
5. To go bowling once a week.
6. To have your children speak two languages: a) English b) Lebowski
7. To eat Mark Burger's whenever you go to Borden place.
8. Never go to a professional hockey game without Michael crying first (Yeah, Mike, my dad is still pissed)
9. To make fake id's when your kids go to college.
10. To wake up to that grin every morning for the rest of your life. Yeah, the same one in the picture above.

Congrats, guys! Now please plan the wedding date around my quarter life crisis.

The Augusts Are Coming! The Augusts Are Coming!

(PICTURE: The next time we'll beat eating in a restaurant together the restaurant most likely won't have windows, walls, a floor that isn't the sidewalk, plants, sterile cups, clean silverware, ketchup, padded seats, customers wearing baseball hats, or well, other white people.)

The Vietnamese Paul Revere just rode by my window on a motorbike screaming, "The Augusts Are Coming!!!"

That's right, Mom and Dad have booked a trip to Vietnam! They'll be here at the end of October. I'm not only really excited for their visit but I'm also really proud that they're taking this vacation. They are going to do a group trip which will take them all over Vietnam and to Cambodia. They're going to fly to Hanoi a few days prior to the rest of their group so they can spend extra time with yours truly.

As some of you may know, my mother isn't much of a flier. And well, it's kind of a long flight(s) to Hanoi. My mom sent me this message yesterday:

ok - so: How do I love thee?.... Enough to take 11 planes in 16 days
Eough to come to a country full of strange creatures

Enough to travel 1/2 way around the world

Yepp... love you,xxxx mom

I told her that reason number 1 and 3 were basically the same thing which makes me slightly offended that she only loves me two ways.

I'm sure October will be here before I know it. It's just four months away. That should be just enough time for:
1. Me to kill the last bugs/rats/spiders/mysterious future creatures in my house.
2. Huyen to convert to Judaism so that my mother and father will invite her to dinner.
3. My beard to get bushy enough for my dad to be able to rip it off my face when he sees me.

Love you, Mom and Dad!...but I'll love you much more if you walk out of the arrival gate at Hanoi airport with an Espositos sandwich in hand.

East Vs. West

After posting the video of the spider the other day I got countless emails from friends who were astonished at the size of the beast in my living room. I told my Upper Intermediate English students about the spider and they asked to see it. I thought it would be a great experiment to compare the reactions of people from home versus the reactions from locals:

A couple of my favorite moments:

1. Nearly everyone saying it is small. 

2. Mai (far right wearing a white shirt) asking, "Did you cry?"

3. Me saying, "My friend is teacher." Yeah, I'm starting to develop a bad habit of leaving out the "a" in sentences sometimes. 

4. Mai again commenting, "Two men one spider." 

5. Anh (far left) pointing out that I didn't even kill the spider.

6. The class prematurely clapping when they thought Ryan killed the spider.

7. Trung (back row white shirt) commenting that, "I think your friend is afraid too."

8. Phuong being the only one to think the spider was large.

9. Huan (back row blue shirt) explaining that spiders living in the house and nearby are "never big." 

Because of their lack of support for their teacher and my insect woes, I'm going to have them write an essay which will be 75% of their final grade. Here's the assignment: I want a 2,000 word essay about why I am the bravest person you have ever met.