First Blog from China (via DC)

As soon as I boarded my Cathay Pacific flight from Perth to China I suspected that something was suspicious. My first clue was that my flight attendant's name was "Cathy." Cathay Pacific Cathy? Red flags went up in my head. The second sign that things were a tad fishy was that my connecting flight was from the same exact gate that I connected to Australia from a month ago. Now keep in mind, this isn't Burbank airport. There are over a hundred gates at the Hong Kong airport and I happen to have the same one twice? It might not seem so strange if the connecting flight was on Cathay Pacific but it was on China Southern who has nothing to do with Cathay Pacific (I asked as I tried to get more Asia Miles...I've already earned a free one way flight within 600 kilometers!!!). Finally, the third and final signal that China is a different and mysterious place--my blog won't work. That's right, blogspot is a banned site here. So how am I emailing?...It's magic. Actually, it's my little sister. She didn't volunteer for this very important fill-in position but has been anointed by me.

For just three dollars I was able to use public transportation from the Guangzhou Airport to my hotel. Immediately upon boarding my bus I felt like Rosa Parks. Everyone on the bus was Asian except me...and they immediately guided me to the back of the bus. Ironically after about fifteen minutes the guy sitting next to me asked me for directions. Yes, me. The one white person on the bus. He had just taken his first flight ever to start a new job in Guangzhou. I think he was more nervous than me being in this strange and gigantic city. From what I could gather from his pretty decent broken English, the guy [name sounds like Jon-sha] is in the air-conditioning business. He's also officially in the business of being my first Chinese friend.

After checking into my hotel, trying on paper slippers and laying down on the rock hard bed I decided to get my first taste of Chinese food in China. What I ate, I have no idea. My stomach has been making strange noises, even for me. One thing was a mushroom dish covered in gravy, another was a pile of bones which I think had chicken on them (bird flu isn't here anymore, right?) and lastly something that I thought was a pork bun but had a jam in it. I give the meal a B-. If I wake up in the middle of the night puking I'll lower the grade to a C+.

My friend Mark Morgan from LA showed up about an hour ago and is washing his undies in the shower at the moment. In LA I often borrow Mark's paddle tennis racket. The last time I borrowed it he mentioned that he was going to Bangkok to ride his bike from Thailand through Laos and Cambodia. His stories are incredible and range from having fire ants in his crotch to riding along minefields ("but it's cool they only go off during the wet season"). Anyway, Mark mentioned to me back in LA that the World Championships of Table Tennis were going to be in China while we were in this hemisphere. Immediately I said I was in and booked us a hotel and found us tickets online (took me approximately four hours to navigate the Chinese website. I won't be totally sure I have the tickets until I pick them up at the box office tomorrow.

Well, Mark just got out of the shower and we're going to find some classy restaurant. Hopefully it'll be a place with pictures on the menu. More updates soon. Thanks Hannah for typing this up for me!

(Editors Note: Now that I have Ben's blog password, perhaps Ahoy Hanoi fans will get some embarrassing childhood photos. Mom, start digging. -Hannah)

Rottnest Island

(PICTURE: Lily, me and Raul -- our tandem bike -- at sunset)

Rottnest Island got its name because according to Lily, "the Dutch or English or someone who first discovered it saw all the quokkas on the island and thought they were giant rats. They thought it was the rats nest." Basically quokkas are little kangaroo-rodents that only live on this island. They are literally everywhere. The other thing that is everywhere are signs that say, "Do Not Feed The Quokkas." Apparently Lily who wants to work in publishing is illiterate. She fed a quokka avocado and pineapples. 

The trip to the island was wonderful. In fact, I think the saying, "save the best for last" is appropriate here. It was my single favorite place in all of Australia. There were no cars on the island so we rented a tandem bike and rode from beach to beach finding new snorkel spots. We saw tons of fish, a small shark, an octopus and lots of beautiful coral. I've only got five minutes before my flight boards to let me run off some highlights and lowlights:

1. The worst mistake in my life was getting a tandem bike with Lily. She doesn't know how to ride a bike which would seem like the biggest reason this was a silly decision. However, there was something that made it even stupider: Lily is the laziest person in the world. Literally nine time out of ten that I'd turn around her feet weren't even on the peddles. On uphills I'd tell her to push but she'd just make some gross noises and say, "I'm trying Ben I'm trying." Then I'd take the pressure off the peddles and they wouldn't move. She wasn't even pushing. Once we had to start on an uphill and it was impossible. So I told her to get off and to meet me at the top of the hill. I was in the hardest gear and flew up the slope. It hit me that I was basically towing Lily all day long since the same slope was beyond my limit on the easiest gear moments earlier. I could go on and on about this but can some it up best by what Anna said to me upon arriving back in Perth: "You actually got a tandem bike? Nobody in our family would do anything with Lily. She's the laziest." 

2. A local told us of a beach to go snorkel at where there was a sunken ship. We headed to the beach first thing in the morning and strapped on our gear. Right as we were about to get in the water Lily screamed out, "Fins!". About forty feet in front of us was a school of something with medium sized grey fins. They definitely were not dolphins and Lily swore they were sharks. We decided to skip the sunken ship. 

3. The most gorgeous sunset I've seen in a long time. (I'm trying to upload the photo but the Hong Kong wireless isn't agreeing with me). 

4. I woke up the morning before Rottnest and realized that I fly out last night and not tonight. We had planned to stay in Rottnest for two nights. Luckily I'm a wiser man while unconscious and didn't miss my flight. 

5. While riding I saw my first venomous snake. It was a dugite--the kind that the Vet sister told me takes five minutes to kill you. Naturally I tried to run it over with my bike just to show it who was boss. 

Well, my plane is boarding so I've got to sign off. My Australia adventure has come to an end. Zev, luckily I didn't bust any deals and didn't have to face the wheel. However, I arrived in Australia with another man and only one of us is leaving. Mad Max has nothing on me. 

Goodbye, Australia. You've treated me well. 

Hello, China. Please be nice to me. 

Margaret River and Reuben

(Picture: Reuben and me at sunset)

After spending the first four days lounging on the beach, Lily and I needed a change of scenery. So we went somewhere completely different--to another beach. I can remember in London Lily talking -- always with an even bigger smile on her always smiling face -- about her family's beach house in Margaret River. She told me that it was one of, if not her most, favorite places on Earth. 

On Friday afternoon, after her sister Anna finished at University, the three of us along with Reuben jumped in the family car and drove three hours to Margaret River.  Margaret River is a cute town nestled in wine country along the southern coast of Western Australia. Immediately upon arriving in the town, I saw something that was pure Australian: dozens of wild kangaroos grazing in a field. After licking my lips and imagining all the cuisine possibilities my attention was quickly diverted to the traffic ahead. A row of cars had stopped at the intersection to the only entrance to the hillside community where the Salter house is located. In the distance a giant plume of smoke lingered over the hills and the smell of fire was in the air. A policeman stood in the road and told car after car what was happening: a fire was raging in the forest. The road was closed for at least a few hours. 

Instead of pulling over and waiting out the fire we decided to make the most of our day. We headed to one of Lily and Anna's favorite beaches called Red Gate. The beach did not disappoint. The water was emerald green and completely translucent. The sand was the color white you'd expect to see on the cover of Travel & Leisure magazine. Frankly, it was gorgeous.

Before I go on, let me quickly talk about Reuben. As I mentioned in my last email I fell in love with the Salter dog. Reuben and I immediately hit it off. Some might say love at first sight. With his big brown eyes it was nearly impossible not so slip him some food or rub his belly any time he approached me. I often found myself asking out loud, "How do you do it Reuben?" and "What's your secret?" The world is his oyster. Within minutes of the car ride he was laying in my lap and later that night he was sleeping in my bed. All that said, we have an Ike and Tina relationship...and unfortunately I'm Tina. 

I know Reuben loves me but sometimes he gets a little crazy. Something about the beach triggers his insane gene. Within minutes of arriving at Red Gate beach Reuben pounced on my clothing and unfortunately covered my pocket camera with sand. The camera no longer works and I had to FedEx it home yesterday. Reuben swore to me that he was sorry but that he did it out of love. I forgave him. The next day at the beach Reuben went mental again. This time, with my back turned and holding a stick, he sneak attacked me and bit my finger...drawing blood. Again Reuben told me he did it because he loves me so much. (Mom, don't worry about the bite. The Vet sister said he was all clean and that Rabies doesn't even exist in Australia. He's nibbed at a few people before and they've all been fine!). 

There is so much to tell about the weekend get-away so I'll just list some highlights:

1. Two gorgeous sunsets over the Indian Ocean. I can also now check off another Ocean that I've swam in.

2. Three delicious home cooked meals by Ana. Each night she outdid herself...and was amazed that I could finish four plates.

3. A quick wind storm that for some reason only took my stuff. It literally disintegrated the book I was reading. Philip Roth's "American Pastoral" flew up about fifty feet in the air and the pages that weren't torn out and disseminated all along the beach ended up drenched when the book landed fifteen feet into the water. My hat also was taking about two hundred yards down the beach and rescued, to the chagrin of Lily who hates the hat, by some surfers. 

4. Wine tasting. In Australia wine tasting is FREE. Yes, free. In the states, at least in Santa Barbara, you have to pay around $10 to taste. Although you often get to keep the glass in America I'd always prefer free.

5. On the final night we see a free jazz concert as part of the Perth International Film Festival. The band, The Bad Plus, was from America. They put on a great show as we laid back in a vineyard eating cheese and sipping wine. 

6. Clapping every time we walking along a path to the beach to, according to Anna the Vet, "avoid being stung by snakes that will kill you in under five minutes." Good times. 

7. The fire that was eventually put out six hours later. 

8. As we drove back from watching the sunset on the first night, the car in front of us swerved across the road. We all looked at each other wondering, "What was that about." Seconds later we saw for ourselves--a giant kangaroo was standing on the side of the road. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, kangaroos often jump in front of cars. They're very dangerous and we literally came within a foot of hitting one. Phew. 

Lily and I are off to Rottnest Island today. It's a thirty minute ferry ride off the coast of Perth and is supposed to be amazing. There are no cars on the island, great snorkeling and a ton of some kind of animal that supposedly looks like a little kangaroo. I already asked and no, we can't eat them. 

Perth: Land Of Sun & Love

(PICTURE: The Salter Sisters and me)

Fortunately, the low point of my Perth experience came at the moment I landed at the airport. Upon arrival at the airport my friend Lily was nowhere to be seen. This worried me for only a second since my two previous friends had greeted me like visiting royalty upon touching down in their city. I figured that since my plane left a little late yet arrived on time, Lily was probably planning on show up a little late. I said to myself, "she'll probably be at baggage claim in no time." Well, good fortune struck-- no, Lily wasn't at baggage claim -- my bag was the first one on the conveyor belt (I had to pay an extra $21 in fees because my bag was too heavy so the good people at Jetstar probably put it on the conveyor first to be nice...at least that is what I told myself). So I got my bag and walked over to some seats. Surely Lily would be there any minute...or in five minutes...or in ten minutes...or in twenty minutes. Alas I was stranded. 

Sitting alone, in the airport of a city I knew nothing about three things popped into my mind: 

1. My plane landed at 11 at night. It was now 11:30. I had no idea where I would stay.

2. I didn't know Lily's last name. 

3. I didn't have Lily's phone number.

I met Lily six months ago in London. She's was new to the city and about to be flatmates (roommates to us Americans) with my friend Dominique who moved to London a year ago. Lily and I hit it off right away because we both loved to eat. Our friendship was quickly cemented as we fought over the last scraps of street vendor jerk chicken at the Notting Hill Carnival. Within the first twenty four hours of hanging out she repeatedly talked about how much I'd love her family because all they like to do is eat. She insisted I come visit, never thinking I'd actually take her up on it--six months later and I'm typing this in her bedroom. 

So back to the airport: Lily had sent me an email a few weeks earlier with her mobile phone number. For some reason I didn't print out that email despite putting my Sierra Club membership at risk by printing about forty other emails with much less important information. Even that morning in Melbourne I thought to myself, "I should write Lily's phone number down." However, in my inbox was an email from Lily saying, "See you tonight." Well, at 11:30, thirty minutes after I had gotten my prompt luggage off the conveyor belt I was starting to think I was being punked--Aussie style. 

I walked around the airport searching for a wireless signal. Finally I found one and had to pay $10 to initiate it. Quickly I searched my gmail and found Lily's number. I wrote it down and approached a pay phone. After inserting some ridiculously large change into the phone and dialing the ten digit number the other line began to ring...and ring...and ring. No answer. No change from the phone. I inserted more money and dialed again. Again it rang and rang and rang. No answer. No change. Like in a cliche sports movie, I gave it a third and finally try with my last coins. After five rings a voice answered: "Hello." "Lily what kind of practical joke is this!" I half joked. "Oh, this is Lily's mom. She forgot her phone at home. She's at the airport but couldn't remember what airline you were flying." Minutes later we finally found each other and I fell in love...with Lily's dog Reuben (more to come in next blog). In Lily's defense she was at the airport on time but in the wrong terminal. However, not in Lily's defense I had emailed her two days earlier, "JETSTAR TERMINAL 2." 

After the initial glitch, it has been nothing but good times in Perth. We've basically done two things: lounged at the beach and eaten large, delicious meals. Well, they were almost all delicious. Lily hyped up this one Japanese place as "the best Japanese food ever." That was hardly the case. Having lived in LA the last seven years I've become a sushi snob. Any place that features a teriyaki chicken roll immediately loses any chance of being listed in my top 100 sushi spots. Basically, for you LA people, it would have been about two notches below Todai. I made this comment to Lily and I swear I heard her heart break. In fact, she just came into the room and read that paragraph and said, "God damn you! Why do you have to say that about my restaurant. You're so annoying." This is what pisses her off. This is the same girl who said I could blog about her eating her boogers because "it's part of her charm." Boogers = fair game. Zen = Off Limits. And yes blog fanatics, this is my second Australian booger story. 

Finally, as Jeremy Bier can attest to (yes, first shout out Bier) , I wake up early. My whole life I've been an early riser. I get that from my mom. Well, the first morning I was here I woke up at 7:45ish. That's late for me but I had just flown into a time zone two hours behind where I was for the past couple weeks. I grabbed my book and my laptop and headed downstairs. Making a salad in the kitchen was Lily's sister Anna (pictured above far left).  I hadn't met her the night before because we arrived at Lily's house around midnight. Well, after talking with her sister for a while and seeing her off to school, Lily's mother came downstairs. After chatting with her about politics for a while she went and woke up Lily. Lily, who had set her alarm to "wake up early" -- at 11:30AM! -- came downstairs like she had been awoken from the dead. Lily was astonished by my early rise and said, "If you woke up any earlier you'd have seen my Dad." The next morning I beat her Dad downstairs. The point is, I've gotten to know Lily's family over the last week and they are absolutely wonderful. It's hard to imagine a happier, sweeter, smarter family. Lily's parents are both lawyers in town, her sister is studying to be a vet (Stacy and Scott do you need an intern?), and her brother who could kick my butt with one hand tied behind his back -- without even using his cricket racket -- despite being seventeen.  Overall the Salter clan has been all Lily billed them to be and more.

It's late in Perth and time for bed. Details about my love for Reuben, their dog, tomorrow. 

Uncle Ho Meet Uncle Ben

Ho Chi Minh is referred to as "Uncle Ho" throughout Vietnam. His image appears on the front of every Vietnamese currency note and he is featured prominently throughout the country on government buildings and park statues. Well, there's soon to be a new Uncle who is revered from the Sapa hills in the north to the river deltas of Can Tho in the south. Who is this hero? This leader among men? This gallant warrior scholar? Well, he's none other than yours truly, the soon to be Uncle Ben.  That's right everyone, Kathy and Zev are preggers!!!!...and no, not with a third dog or fourth cat, but with a real August to be!!!!

I am filled with an overwhelming sense of excitement and joy for Zev and Kathy. I know they will be wonderful parents despite the fact that they will pay the child her/his allowance in slices of Kathy's peanut butter pie, and the fact that the child is bound for a life of NFL disappointment as Zev will inevitably make her/him a Jets fan. The two of them will shower the child with love and will one day have kids who realize they are as lucky as we have been to have our parents. 

That said, I am filled with a sense of sadness that I will be away during the birth and first few months of the child's life. Without a doubt this has become my biggest regret in moving away this year. Way before Kathy and Zev became pregnant, or even knew each other (the second time since Zev doesn't remember Kathy in elementary school) I have pictured myself at the hospital making stupid faces and googlie sounds, behind the glass wall, to my first niece/nephew. I've always pictured taking an exorbitant amount of photographs and emailing them all to my friends. I've pictured competing with Hannah for who can find the best baby blanket--clearly one more in the style of my white blankie than her pink blankie. I've always pictured myself holding the baby and saying with all sincerity, "How much could we get for her/him on the black market?" I've always pictured visiting their house, bringing gifts and being "my weird Uncle Ben." I know that I'll have my chance to do all these things when I come home and Zev has already assured me that I can make it up with lots of baby sitting time. However, I'm still left feeling what we're all thinking: Zev and Kathy are so incredibly selfish for not planning this baby around my life. 

Congratulations to Zev and Kathy!!! However, I should also extend a congratulations to the little gal/guy in Kathy's belly since he just won the greatest prize in the world--me as and Uncle. 

Ode to Kangaroos

Let this be a warning to all kangaroos,

When a tourist pays money to pet you at the zoo,

Do not tease him with resistance,

Hop a little closer, go the distance.

Because if you do not want to be our mates,

You will end up on our plates. 

Memories of Melbourne

(PICTURE: Kristy, my phenomenal host, and me)

I've done my fair share of traveling. I've been to Israel, New Zealand, England (twice), Ireland, Scotland, Spain (three times), Germany, France, Alabama, Italy (twice), Greece, Croatia, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Mexico (too many times to count), Canada (also too many times to count including some trips to places like Nova Scotia I've made a  concerted effort to forget), 44ish out of 50 states and a few other counties I'm sure that I'm leaving out. The point is, up until Melbourne I was starting to feel that Australia was my least favorite place that I've ever been to. Don't get me wrong, the people are nice, the food is good, the scenery is gorgeous but overall it feels just like home...but without the friends and family. 

When I travel I want to feel like everything is new, one big unique experience. Australia, well, it just wasn't doing it for me.  Flying into Melbourne I was starting to question whether I should have planned a full month in the land down under. Frankly, as my Virgin Blue plane descended --strangely over a graveyard right before the runway-- I felt a little down and out. Well, that was all about to change. Greeting me at baggage claim was Miss Australia herself, Kristy Cook, a friend who I met two years ago in Germany during the World Cup. Kristy greeted me not only with a big hug but with a six pack of beer in the car. After assuring me that road sodas were legal in Australia (don't worry Mom and Dad only I was drinking) I cracked open a brew and had the overwhelming sensation that things were about to change for the better...even though she bought me some crap beer. 

Besides the beer, Kristy had another gift for me: two tickets to the Australian Football League game that night (see picture in previous post). We went to the game and within minutes two things became pretty obvious. First, the fans here are just like in America--they're quick to cheer for a good play and even quicker to boo and curse a bad one. Secondly, after assessing the skills that it takes to be an Aussie Footballer, I realized that had I grown up here I would have been a pro-athlete. The game is tailor made for me: running, kicking, hitting and just a lot of hustle. I really could have been a contender so thanks a lot for not moving to Melbourne Mom and Dad. I could have been the spokesperson for Victoria Bitter Beer right now and dating some blonde Aussie pop star. 

On Saturday I forced Kristy to take me to a wildlife sanctuary so I could finally pet some freaking animals. Two weeks in Australia without petting a non-domesticated animal should be considered a crime. Kristy was a sport for agreeing to drive the hour and a half to the best wildlife sanctuary in the area. By sport I mean she drove and mocked me on the phone to all of her friends who called to invite us to the beach: "Yeah, the stupid American wants to pet a koala. We'll meet you at the beach later." Well, we got to the sanctuary and guess what...we couldn't pet any animals! What the hell! Apparently you're only legally allowed to pet koalas in Queensland, Australia. But I was just in Queensland and they wouldn't let me pet them there either. It's a conspiracy. 

After being shut-out by the Koalas we went to the Kangaroo area. Within the fenced area you could pet any 'roos that approached you. However, they were all resting in the shade, behind the "out of bounds" rope, out of petting reach. Finally one came over, looked us in the eye from about four feet away and then laid down to take a nap. A total tease. Kristy yelled at me to jump the rope and pet the "damn thing we drove an hour and a half for" but I said, "No. I'm an American and I respect the rules." We walked around the rest of the wildlife sanctuary and found that all too often there were signs up for what animals we SHOULD be seeing but weren't. I came to the conclusion that it is quite easy to open a sanctuary if you don't have any animals. 

After a long, hot, disappointing afternoon, good news finally came. As we were leaving, a koala, perched on a tree limb, was in eskimo kissing range. I snuck up on the little guy who must have just woken up from a nap (koalas sleep 20+ hours a day). I whispered a few sweet nothings into his ear (you know the standard lines, "you look really pretty tonight," "I can see myself in your eyes", etc.) and went in for the eskimo kiss. His nose was extremely soft like a Jane August python purse (Jane, you might want to start a Koala nose bag line!). His breath and my breath came together and I believe we thought the same thing: we may have our differences -- he's a koala, I'm a human. He's Australian, I'm American -- but in that moment we were one. Then the zookeeper came over and told me to stop playing with the taxidermy koala.

The rest of the weekend Kristy and I vegged out at the beach and ate ridiculously good meals. Kristy told me that she's glad I was only here for a few days because her "muffin top was growing at an alarming rate." In Australia, muffin top = belly. 

Someone had told me that "Melbourne is skippable." I disagree. The city isn't architecturally spectacular but it has the things I love: fantastic food and endless shark-free beaches.  Furthermore, the weather is perfect. One could say it's just like Santa Monica, CA.  However, the most important factor that won me over here was my incredible host. Kristy has been fantastic from the moment she picked me up till now. I literally couldn't imagine a better host: my own queen size bed, fresh towels, her doing my laundry, delicious home cooked food (will tell you all about this special meal in an upcoming blog), etc. She even insisted the whole time to pay for everything (except when I literally fought her for the bill) saying, "you can take care of me when I visit you in Vietnam." What a sucker, a meal in 'Nam cost like three dollars! Anyway, thank you for being so great, Kristy! 

So I'm back on board with Australia. I'm having a great time again and know that the last ten days of my trip will be wonderful. I'm headed tonight to Perth in Western Australia to spend time with my friend Lily and her family. Lily has promised me that her mother is one of the premiere cooks in Australia and I will leave no meal hungry. I told her that she's got a lot to compete with after staying with Kristy for three days....