Wait In The Shade

Here's a common site in Vietnam:

(PICTURE: Notice how no bikes are stopped in the bright white areas.)

Whenever Vietnamese approach a traffic light, they'll stop wherever there is shade. The particular picture above is from one of the busier intersections in Hanoi. Although there are usually a hundred bikes waiting to go on a green, everyone there stays far back from the light so that they can relax in the shade for a minute.

It's no secret that most Vietnamese/Asians do not like to get suntanned. What I find hilarious though is that when the sun is not out, people act like their houses are on fire and have to get to the absolute front of the line. However, throw a little sun into the equation and people are more than happy to arrive somewhere ten seconds later as long as they didn't get any unnecessary vitamin D.

Thanh Chuong's Work

Despite thinking Thanh Chuong is an asshole, I can't deny that he is an amazingly talented artist. His paintings are all interesting to say the least.

One thing I do take issue with though is that the pamphlet for the palace says, "All subjects are fair game, and he effortlessly renders them in his personal artistic 'language' that is unmistakably Thanh Chuong." My issue comes with this: All of us immediately said, "His work looks like Picassos," as soon as we saw a couple of paintings. And those that didn't look like Picasso's work, could have easily compared with Matisse's. Look, there's nothing wrong with having influences, just acknowledge them. But again, I guess this should expected from a guy who named a palace after himself and charges Vietnamese an average of two days wages to see how great he is.

A is for Artist, A is for Asshole

(PICTURE: Hi, I'm an Asshole with a capital A.)

This past weekend a few of us took a motorbike trip out to Thanh Chuong Viet Palace, the residence of perhaps Vietnam's most famous painter -- Thanh Chuong.

I had stumbled upon this house/musuem online during the week and immediately knew I wanted to visit it as soon as possible. Thanh Chuong's house is just about 35 kilometers outside of Hanoi which made for a great day trip. The "Palace" looks ancient but in actuality it was built in the last decade.

Here's the first thing you need to know about Than Chuong Viet Palace: It is without a doubt the most expensive museum I've been to in Vietnam. The cost for anyone to enter and see all of the sites is 100,000 VND. Sure this is only $5 or so but it is about $4 more than any other museum for a Vietnamese citizen. If the museum is trying to prove that art is only for the elite, they're doing a good job.

However, the price of entrance wasn't nearly the most appalling thing we encountered during our trip -- that honor goes to the artist himself. While we were walking through the grounds, I spotted the artist giving a tour to two people carrying pretty nice cameras. I didn't want to interrupt the tour so I didn't say anything to Thanh Chuong. Well, about thirty minutes later I found myself in a room with just Huyen and the artist. Here's a word for word conversation of what went down:
Ben: You have a beautiful house.
Thanh Chuong: (Grunt noises)
Ben: Can I ask you a question about lacquer (the medium he paints with)?
Thanh Chuong: (Footstep noises as he walks away)
Ben: Alrighhhhhhttttttyyyyy....

I've lived in Vietnam for over two years and this was without a doubt one of the rudest interactions I have had. You might be saying to yourself, "Maybe he doesn't speak English." Yeah, sure maybe he doesn't. However, Huyen was right next to me to interpret. On top of that, 99% of people I have ever asked questions to in English that don't speak English just smile and motion that they don't understand. This douche bag literally grunted.

I was obviously really put off by this encounter and wanted to share what happened with one of the guys who had come with us that day. I went up to Nate (Nicky's old roommate who is visiting for a week) and told him my story. He laughed and said that he too had tried to say something to the painter and got a disgusted grunt in return.

There are many adjectives to describe artists. For this particular artist, the only adjective that comes to mind is Asshole. I guess this is to be expected of a guy who opens a museum/palace named after himself.

All that said, there is no doubt that the grounds of the museum were beautiful. However, if you're reading this, save yourself the trip and go to another beautiful spot around Hanoi.

ZBT

(PICTURE: Frat guy in Hanoi!)

Much to my surprise yesterday, I ended up driving behind a Zeta Beta Tau (or as we used to call them at Syracuse - ZBTools). A few of my best friends from college were in the ZBT fraternity so this post gives me a good opportunity to make fun of them a little bit. A few thoughts came to mind when I saw this guy driving down the street:

First thought: So this is where Goodwill shirts go when nobody wants them.

Second thought: This guy is the first Asian ZBT ever.

Third thought: Fraternities don't exist at Vietnamese universities but they should. In fact, Vietnamese men often epitomize the frat lifestyle. I too was in a fraternity but am way less fratty than the average Vietnamese man.

Fourth thought: I wonder which chapter of ZBT made these great t-shirts with Will Ferrell on them.

Fifth thought: I should start an Old School type fraternity here in Vietnam!

Sixth thought: Okay, Ben, time to grow up and stop taking pictures while driving a motorbike (especially two days after posting about wearing helmets!).

A Sign I've Been Living Here Too Long

Notice anything strange in the picture? No, not my weirdly hairy knuckles. There's something else. Look again...

What you should be noticing is that my pinky fingernail is the only fingernail that isn't trimmed. Last night I trimmed all of my fingernails and a few hours later noticed that I had forgotten my pinky nail. This is a very very Vietnamese thing to do. I've written on my blog twice in the past about how gross I find long fingernails on Vietnamese men. Well, apparently I'm turning into one. Granted my fingernail was still about a half inch shorter than the average Vietnamese guys, but the fact that I subconsciously didn't cut it means I've been living here too long.

Buckle Your Helmets!

Dear Vietnamese Readers,

BUCKLE YOUR HELMETS! Yesterday Huyen and I were driving our motorbike and came upon the worst accident I have seen in Vietnam. I'm going to spare the gory details and just say this: the man was laying on one side of the taxi that hit him and his helmet was on the other side. From my limited CSI skills, it appeared that his helmet had flown off upon impact because it wasn't buckled. Frankly, I don't know if he would have survived the accident if he had a helmet on but I have no doubt his chances would have been much higher.

As far as those in the USA and the rest of the world: Buckle your seat belts.

And to everyone: Keep your seat belts and helmets buckled until your car/motorbike is safely parked. I have a lot of friends in the states who always unbuckle their belts when they are a few blocks from home. Why? I have no idea. People do it here with their helmets too though. I've seen so many people undo their helmets when they are nearing their houses. It's just dangerous especially considering that most accidents happen close to home.

Okay, I had to get that off my chest. Huyen and I will be buying new helmets ASAP.

Ben

Master Key

(PICTURE: Me in the tiny locker room.)

Every day when I go to the gym, I'm immediately handed a towel and a key to a locker. Well, the other day I had an epiphany while opening my locker: all the keys look the exact same.

Nobody was in the locker room so I shrugged my shoulders and tried my key on another locker...and it worked. I then tried it on another locker...and it worked on that one too. Yeah, the locker keys are all the exact same. So, as you can imagine, I will no longer be bringing my wallet with me to the gym.