Ban Lam Gi?

Ban Lam Gi translates to, "You do what?". In Vietnam, this is the question people ask one another to find out what someone's job is. However, when I hear this sentence it always makes me think of those Holiday Inn commercials in which people can do feats that are usually out of their comfort/training zone because they've had a good night's sleep.

Often in Vietnam (and the rest of the world) I think that people have this -- what should I call it -- well-rested self brilliance. Recently during a rough couple of days with my stomach, I started taking a strong antibiotic to kill any bacteria. A Vietnamese guy I know wanted me to drink alcohol with him and I said, "I don't want to drink. I'm taking medicine." The guy then asked to see the medicine so I showed it to him. He looked it over and said, "This medicine will make you tired. You should take another one." I wanted to ask him, "Ban Lam Gi?" but I already knew the answer -- he's an accountant. Shortly after giving me this medical advice he once again tried to get me to drink with him. Some doctor.

In my head "Ban Lam Gi" can be expanded to other things besides jobs. For example, when a guy literally reeking of cigarettes, starts to explain to me how to be healthier, I want to ask "Ban Lam Gi?!".

I have no doubt that some people think I'm a know-it-all too sometimes. In fact, I often feel like a know-it-all; I think that comes naturally with writing a blog for so long. So for now on if you think I have no idea what I'm talking about, please leave a comment, "Ban Lam Gi?".

Big Goofy White Guy II

(PICTURE: Oddly, dressing up like this is the best way not to feel goofy.)

You know that experience you have when you hear your voice on a recording? We all always think, "Do I really sounds like that?!" How we hear ourselves and how others hear us are never the same. This is exponentially true for video.

In 2000, seven friends and I lived in an apartment in Bayswater, London while participating in the Syracuse University study abroad program. During our months abroad we did lots of traveling in England and to other European countries. While I was snapping away pictures on a disposable camera, my buddy Alex was filming with his camcorder. He recently found all the footage and edited it all into an amazing thirty minute piece. While watching the footage I often found myself cringing at just how stupid I looked and acted ten years ago.

However, that was nothing compared to how stupid I looked on Huyen's sister's wedding video from just five months ago! Over Tet we watched the video and I truly am a big goofy white guy. In nearly ever shot that I'm in, whether it be in the foreground or background, I stand out like a giant. I can make a billion analogies but I truly look like Shaq reading to kindergartners. Well, you know, if Shaq was white and all the kindergartners were Vietnamese.

Watching with Huyen's family only reinforces how I feel about watching myself. Anytime I'm on the screen everyone immediately starts hysterically laughing as if I had just told a joke, rather than just sanding still. To make matters even worse, Huyen's sister Huong said to me, "You were more handsome then than now." Besides the fact that I've become uglier in five months, that also must mean I've become even goofier! Thank goodness nobody was videotaping during Tet.

Sexism

One thing I really dislike about Vietnam is the blatant sexism. Sure sexism exists in the United States too but nowhere near the extent that it does here. I've commented in the past how I've gotten annoyed when my female students have told me that women can never be ___ (fill in the blank with a high position in business or government).

At Huyen's house, sexism is always present. Men have their roles and women have their roles (Foreigners have their roles too -- sitting upstairs doing work and not bothering customers). One thing I really hate though is that whenever we sit down to a meal, only the men cheers their glasses. During Tet we cheers for a "Happy New Year" and the rest of the year we cheers "To Your Health." I mean, why can't the women participate in this? It really just makes me uncomfortable as if it is only important for the men to have a good year and good health. Whenever a woman happens to have a drink in front of her, I try and make a point to tap her glass too. This usually gets giggles from the woman whose glass I've clinked.

In Hanoi this is not always the case like it is in the countryside. When groups of friends get together, boys and girls all drink and cheers one another. With family it seems to be another story.

I'm not trying to sound like a moralist but, well, actually I am trying to sound like one. I feel like someone from the future who has traveled back fifty years and can't believe how stupid some things are.*

* This is also how I imagine a present day person would feel if they were to travel back to America during slavery or for that matter, how a future American would feel were he able to travel back to the present time and listen to the gay marriage debate.

The Year Of The Tiger

This new lunar year is "The Year Of The Tiger." Apparently this is a good year to have a son in Vietnam and a bad year to have a daughter. Actually, I was shocked to learn this because I thought Vietnamese people thought every year was a good year to have a son.

One thing you do during Tet is visit other families and friends and have a quick chat and snack with them. Huyen and I went to a friend's house and had a drink with her family. As her mother was pouring wine, her father informed us that there was a tiger in the wine. I laughed at this although I knew he was probably not joking. You may remember last year that while in Babe Lake, I drank wine that had been fermented with bear bones. Well, this was the same deal apparently except with a tiger.

For the record, I'm absolutely against killing tigers or any other non-farmed, close to extinction species. I can only assume that one tiger probably made thousands of bottles of wine but really I have no idea if this is the case. If you're keeping track though, I've now had a tiger and a bear. I'm officially only one blog away from the blog title, "Lions, Tigers and Bears Oh My."

Thankful For The Little Things

I have friends who have dated/are dating/married to girls with some serious perks. One of my buddies dated a girl with a private jet. Another is dating a girl whose family owns a deli (and he is perhaps the only person in the world who likes deli more than me). Another is dating someone with access to season tickets to sports team he likes. Another dates a girl who gets him free clothing (actually I sort of do too with my now never ending supply of socks from Huyen's job). Other friends have moved in with girls with sweet digs and other have dated girls with a car in New York City -- a rarity in Manhattan. Others have dated girls with beach houses or time-shares or just family homes in the 'burbs with a swimming pool. All those things are great, but when I'm in the countryside of Vietnam and my stomach starts to act like Mt. Vesuvius, I wouldn't trade my girlfriend's family's toilet for any of those things.

Eating Disorders

(PICTURE: Huyen preparing a meal at her house.)

I once dated a girl who had an eating disorder. Perhaps I was oblivious or naive but it took a while for me to realize the girl was more or less eating a piece of lettuce for three meals a day. The girl would rarely meet me for meals and would always claim to have "just eaten." Around the time I started to suspect that she had a problem, the two of us went to dinner with my parents to without a doubt one of the most delicious barbecue restaurant in America. The girl, her eyes bigger than her stomach, ordered a BBQ sandwich with a double order of French Fries for her included side dishes. Well, I think she ate one fry and perhaps a bite of the sandwich. My father, being even more clueless about her eating disorder than I was, joked with her about leaving so many delicious fries...which I'm pretty sure the rest of my family divided up and ate.

Anyone who knows me will think it is absolutely ridiculous to think that someone could imagine that I have an eating disorder. I've always been "the garbage disposal" my whole life and have always been willing to give eating anything a try. I mean, I was literally the unofficial taste tester on Fear Factor for a year or so. Well, sometimes when I'm at Huyen's house I feel like her parents think that I have an eating disorder*. Huyen father, like my father, jokes with me all the time about me "not eating." What I'm "not eating" though is fat, bones and other things I find inedible. On top of that they think that I barely eat any food when clearly I'm eating double what everyone else is. The only difference is that while everyone is speaking in Vietnamese, I just eat. I'm also a fast eater so when somebody puts something into my bowl, I eat it. The problem then is that my bowl is empty and everyone starts saying, "You need to eat more!"

I've actually found myself thinking recently that I need to develop some skills to make it appear like I'm eating more. Three that come to mind are:
1) Slow down and chew more.
2) Don't show my bowl. Always keep it in my hand rather than putting it back on the eating mat.
3) Take smaller portions.

I know that when I start thinking like this though it might mean I have a disorder. However, come on, there's no chance I have eating issues...although isn't denial a symptom?

* I'm pretty sure very few people in Vietnam, especially in the countryside, know what eating disorders are. There's no health education and people aren't as image conscious as in the developed world. On top of that, putting food on the table and eating it is very much what people live for in the countryside.

Hope 4 Peyton

I just got an email from my long time reader and frequent commenter Maria. Maria is not only an Ahoy Hanoi fan but she was the first random reader that I ever met in person. Maria came to Hanoi last year and hung out with Huyen and I while she was traveling in Asia.

Maria asked if I could point my readers to another blog that she has been following for some time. The blog was written by a stay-at-home mom in Atlanta who was raising three kids, including one with cancer. Sadly the writer recently had a severe stroke and is currently considered a hemiplegic. The woman's husband has started to write her blog and is hoping for donations to help cover the costs of his wife's rehab. Please check out the site: http://www.hope4peyton.org/