Sexism

One thing I really dislike about Vietnam is the blatant sexism. Sure sexism exists in the United States too but nowhere near the extent that it does here. I've commented in the past how I've gotten annoyed when my female students have told me that women can never be ___ (fill in the blank with a high position in business or government).

At Huyen's house, sexism is always present. Men have their roles and women have their roles (Foreigners have their roles too -- sitting upstairs doing work and not bothering customers). One thing I really hate though is that whenever we sit down to a meal, only the men cheers their glasses. During Tet we cheers for a "Happy New Year" and the rest of the year we cheers "To Your Health." I mean, why can't the women participate in this? It really just makes me uncomfortable as if it is only important for the men to have a good year and good health. Whenever a woman happens to have a drink in front of her, I try and make a point to tap her glass too. This usually gets giggles from the woman whose glass I've clinked.

In Hanoi this is not always the case like it is in the countryside. When groups of friends get together, boys and girls all drink and cheers one another. With family it seems to be another story.

I'm not trying to sound like a moralist but, well, actually I am trying to sound like one. I feel like someone from the future who has traveled back fifty years and can't believe how stupid some things are.*

* This is also how I imagine a present day person would feel if they were to travel back to America during slavery or for that matter, how a future American would feel were he able to travel back to the present time and listen to the gay marriage debate.

The Year Of The Tiger

This new lunar year is "The Year Of The Tiger." Apparently this is a good year to have a son in Vietnam and a bad year to have a daughter. Actually, I was shocked to learn this because I thought Vietnamese people thought every year was a good year to have a son.

One thing you do during Tet is visit other families and friends and have a quick chat and snack with them. Huyen and I went to a friend's house and had a drink with her family. As her mother was pouring wine, her father informed us that there was a tiger in the wine. I laughed at this although I knew he was probably not joking. You may remember last year that while in Babe Lake, I drank wine that had been fermented with bear bones. Well, this was the same deal apparently except with a tiger.

For the record, I'm absolutely against killing tigers or any other non-farmed, close to extinction species. I can only assume that one tiger probably made thousands of bottles of wine but really I have no idea if this is the case. If you're keeping track though, I've now had a tiger and a bear. I'm officially only one blog away from the blog title, "Lions, Tigers and Bears Oh My."

Thankful For The Little Things

I have friends who have dated/are dating/married to girls with some serious perks. One of my buddies dated a girl with a private jet. Another is dating a girl whose family owns a deli (and he is perhaps the only person in the world who likes deli more than me). Another is dating someone with access to season tickets to sports team he likes. Another dates a girl who gets him free clothing (actually I sort of do too with my now never ending supply of socks from Huyen's job). Other friends have moved in with girls with sweet digs and other have dated girls with a car in New York City -- a rarity in Manhattan. Others have dated girls with beach houses or time-shares or just family homes in the 'burbs with a swimming pool. All those things are great, but when I'm in the countryside of Vietnam and my stomach starts to act like Mt. Vesuvius, I wouldn't trade my girlfriend's family's toilet for any of those things.

Eating Disorders

(PICTURE: Huyen preparing a meal at her house.)

I once dated a girl who had an eating disorder. Perhaps I was oblivious or naive but it took a while for me to realize the girl was more or less eating a piece of lettuce for three meals a day. The girl would rarely meet me for meals and would always claim to have "just eaten." Around the time I started to suspect that she had a problem, the two of us went to dinner with my parents to without a doubt one of the most delicious barbecue restaurant in America. The girl, her eyes bigger than her stomach, ordered a BBQ sandwich with a double order of French Fries for her included side dishes. Well, I think she ate one fry and perhaps a bite of the sandwich. My father, being even more clueless about her eating disorder than I was, joked with her about leaving so many delicious fries...which I'm pretty sure the rest of my family divided up and ate.

Anyone who knows me will think it is absolutely ridiculous to think that someone could imagine that I have an eating disorder. I've always been "the garbage disposal" my whole life and have always been willing to give eating anything a try. I mean, I was literally the unofficial taste tester on Fear Factor for a year or so. Well, sometimes when I'm at Huyen's house I feel like her parents think that I have an eating disorder*. Huyen father, like my father, jokes with me all the time about me "not eating." What I'm "not eating" though is fat, bones and other things I find inedible. On top of that they think that I barely eat any food when clearly I'm eating double what everyone else is. The only difference is that while everyone is speaking in Vietnamese, I just eat. I'm also a fast eater so when somebody puts something into my bowl, I eat it. The problem then is that my bowl is empty and everyone starts saying, "You need to eat more!"

I've actually found myself thinking recently that I need to develop some skills to make it appear like I'm eating more. Three that come to mind are:
1) Slow down and chew more.
2) Don't show my bowl. Always keep it in my hand rather than putting it back on the eating mat.
3) Take smaller portions.

I know that when I start thinking like this though it might mean I have a disorder. However, come on, there's no chance I have eating issues...although isn't denial a symptom?

* I'm pretty sure very few people in Vietnam, especially in the countryside, know what eating disorders are. There's no health education and people aren't as image conscious as in the developed world. On top of that, putting food on the table and eating it is very much what people live for in the countryside.

Hope 4 Peyton

I just got an email from my long time reader and frequent commenter Maria. Maria is not only an Ahoy Hanoi fan but she was the first random reader that I ever met in person. Maria came to Hanoi last year and hung out with Huyen and I while she was traveling in Asia.

Maria asked if I could point my readers to another blog that she has been following for some time. The blog was written by a stay-at-home mom in Atlanta who was raising three kids, including one with cancer. Sadly the writer recently had a severe stroke and is currently considered a hemiplegic. The woman's husband has started to write her blog and is hoping for donations to help cover the costs of his wife's rehab. Please check out the site: http://www.hope4peyton.org/

I Can't Dish It But I Can Take It

(PICTURE: The breakfast, lunch and dinner table...or as I like to call it: The place I get laughed at for forty five minutes, three times a day.)

Everyone knows the old saying, "You can dish it but you can't take it." Well, over the last couple of years I've been taking it a ton and barely dishing it at all. This is especially true when I visit Huyen's family. Huyen's family is really sweet and well meaning but man, all they do is make fun of me! Here's five things they mocked me over during my first 24 hours at their house for Tet:

1. Trying to speak Vietnamese: "Oh you tried to say ___ but you said ___. Ha! Ha! Ha!"

2. Trying to help out: "Look how you wash dishes!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

3. My weak stomach: "Oh your stomach hurts! My stomach is fine. Ha! Ha! Ha!"

4. My lack of appetite from #3: "Oh you only ate two bowls of rice and a few pieces of chicken? You're so weak! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Actually, I can only think of these four things. However, they do these things a heck of a lot.

I've learned a lot about myself since leaving America; being able to be laughed at and to laugh along is a skill that I think everyone should have. Personally I'm still working on this skill because after a few days in a row of being laughed at I want to yell, "Lets see how you would do in America!"...and then I remember, Huyen is gonna come to America.

The Sounds of Ha Nam II

I should have waited a night to write that first blog. As I mentioned last year, during Tet I sleep in the same bed with Huyen’s younger brother. On the first night I slept with Su and man, that kid sleeps like an angel. Minus the occasional sharp elbow in my gut, sleeping with Su is like sleeping with a warm, skinny teddy bear.

The sleeping arrangement on the first night was thus:

First floor overhang: Huyen’s parents.

Second floor: Bed 1: Huyen and Hoai. Bed 2: Su and me.

On the second night, things were a lot different. Hoai’s husband took the train up from Hue and Huyen’s other sister Hoang and nephew Viet Hoang joined us in Ha Nam. This totally shuffled how everyone slept:

First floor overhang: Huyen, Hoai, Hoang, Viet Hoang and Huyen’s mom.

Second floor: Bed 1: Huyen’s Dad and Su. Bed 2: Me and Tan, Hoai’s husband.

Tan’s a nice guy and all but Ben August doesn’t usually sleep around with men for a reason. The reason being, guys snore. Holy cow, did I have flashbacks to sharing a hotel room with my snoring family on nearly every family vacation we ever took. Tan, inches from my ear was sawing wood at a pretty high decibel. However, his clearly deviated septum was nothing compared to Huyen’s Dad who’s snoring could be the reason the roosters started crowing at 1:30 AM.

Today I’m going to ask Huyen how to say in Vietnamese, “Roll over!”