Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I'm Coming Home

On May 9th, at 9:35PM, I will land at Newark Airport. After going through customs, I will wrap my arms around the thing I have missed the most in my time in Vietnam...


...an Espisito's roast beef sandwich with roasted red peppers, balsamic vinegar and the works. Oh and I'll hug my parents too.

(Note: The picture above is of a Bay Cities deli sandwich in Santa Monica -- my second favorite deli in America. I will eat at least two of these sandwiches each day when I visit my friends in California.)

I've booked my flight home and much to my mother's happiness, I'll be back for Mother's Day. Starting on Mother's Day I will proceed to put on 10-15 pounds of good old American food. The binging will not stop until the first week of August...when I fly back to Hanoi. That's right, I bought a round trip ticket.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Congratulations Big Stu and Alyssa

(PICTURE: Big Stu and Alyssa. Note: they are sitting on a love seat, not a couch.)

Training for a bar mitzvah is hard work. I remember vividly being twelve years old and listening to a cassette tape made by Cantor Henry Butensky. Cantor Butensky's deep soothing voice was the complete opposite of my mid-puberty crackling baritone (okay, maybe I was an alto). I practiced my torah and haftorah portions every day, slowly gaining more confidence. On top of my unusually long responsibilities -- it was the first service of a new Jewish month which meant extra long verses -- I had an assortment of other prayers to learn. Thank god, I had a partner to share half the Saturday morning service responsiblities with. My partner's name was Russel Wachtler, a friend of some friend's of mine who went to the rival middle school across town. I didn't really know Russ but I was glad that I was going to be sharing the beema with him...

...but then one day about two months before my bar mitzvah, in my lesson with the cantor, I was given some terrible news: Russell Wachtler has "stage fright" and is going to have a smaller private service. I stared at Cantor Butensky blankly, wondering what exactly this meant for me. He quickly told me: "Since Russell won't be doing the service with you, you're going to have to do his parts too."

I can't tell you how angry I was. I wanted to yell at the cantor, "Fuck Russel Wachtler and his stupid stage fright!" but in those days I didn't really curse often and well, I really liked Cantor Butensky. In the end, I did the whole service myself, terrible voice and all. A couple years later Russell (AKA Big Stu) and I became good friends in high school and have remained good friends ever since. In fact, Russell is my East Coast beer pong partner. Yeah, we're that close.

So why am I telling you this story now? Well, Russell Wachtler just got engaged to his longtime girlfriend Alyssa Kessler. So yeah, Alyssa, consider this your warning -- keep the guest list small or else Russell might get "stage fright" two months before the wedding and you'll find yourself saying your vows in a nearly empty chapel in Atlantic City.

Congratulations to both of you. I have no doubt you're going to have a great life together! Please plan the engagement party for when I'm home this summer. Thanks!

Monday, March 23, 2009

(400) Days of Ahoy Hanoi

(PICTURE: Hanoi is celebrating Ahoy Hanoi's 400th entry! Ignore the wrong date on the bottom right of the picture.)

This is my 400th blog entry. Yes, 400th. I know, it's insane. The cool thing about hitting the 400 mark is that it allows me to post a lazy entry about my blog's data. Unfortunately I only signed
up to google analytics in September so these stats are for only for half the time the blog has existed. Yes, excuses excuses....

According to google analytics:

- Ahoy Hanoi has had 4,062 unique visitors.

- Ahoy Hanoi has had 27,675 page views.

- The average person spends 2 minutes and 55 seconds on the blog.

- Ahoy Hanoi is being read in 81 countries.

- In South America the blog has been read in Brazil, Venezuela, Columbia, Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia, Chile, Argentina and Uraguay. Screw you Paraguay, Guyana (French Guyana too!) and Suriname.

- Ahoy Hanoi is being read in Iran but it is not being read in North Korea. Screw you Kim Jong-il.

- Ahoy Hanoi is being read in "48 States". However, Alalytics is also telling me that it has never been read in South Dakota, Delaware, Arkansas or Mississippi. It is including Washington D.C. and unknown IP addresses as states. I know in the past I didn't mention Delaware but come on, it's Delaware.

- Ahoy Hanoi has been read in 41 languages (I don't really know what that means but it's a figure on Analytics).

- 75.84% of readers are return visitors.

- The first inappropriate words googled to get to my blog are: "Hanoi Sex Massage." This is the 16th most common google to find my blog. I'm happy to report that out of the people who have found my blog this way, the average person has continued to read my page for 59 seconds. I guess they were literally able to wait a minute to have sex.

Thanks for everyone for continuing to read my blog!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Vietnamese Women Don't Drink

Huyen has told me a few times that Vietnamese women don't drink. Over the past year I have seen her sip alcohol about six times. Usually if she has half a beer she'll start to turn red and complain that her heart is beating fast. I usually have a good laugh at this especially when she starts to complain that the room is spinning. Man, talk about a light weight!

Well, maybe it's not so funny. Ryan -- safe and sound back home in Boulder -- just sent me the New York Times article below. I'm cutting Huyen off as of now!

Blushing Drinkers at Risk for Esophageal Cancer

Published: March 20, 2009

People whose faces turn red when they drink alcohol may be facing more than embarrassment. The flushing may indicate an increased risk for a deadly throat cancer, researchers report.

The flushing response, which may be accompanied by nausea and a rapid heartbeat, is caused mainly by an inherited deficiency in an enzyme called ALDH2, a trait shared by more than a third of people of East Asian ancestry — Japanese, Chinese or Koreans. As little as half a bottle of beer can trigger the reaction.

The deficiency results in problems in metabolizing alcohol, leading to an accumulation in the body of a toxin called acetaldehyde. People with two copies of the gene responsible have such unpleasant reactions that they are unable to consume large amounts of alcohol. This aversion actually protects them against the increased risk for cancer.

But those with only one copy can develop a tolerance to acetaldehyde and become heavy drinkers.

“What we’re trying to do here is raise awareness of this risk factor among doctors and their ALDH2-deficient patients," said Dr. Philip J. Brooks, an investigator with the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, and an author of the report published on Thursday in the journal PLoS Medicine. “It’s a pretty serious risk."

The malignancy, called squamous cell esophageal cancer, is also caused by smoking and can be treated with surgery, but survival rates are very low. Even moderate drinking increases the risk, but it rises sharply with heavier consumption. An ALDH2-deficient person who has two beers a day has six to 10 times the risk of developing esophageal cancer as a person not deficient in the enzyme.

Reducing drinking can significantly reduce the incidence of this cancer among Asian adults. The researchers calculate that if moderate- or heavy-drinking ALDH2-deficient Japanese men reduced their consumption to under nine drinks a week, 53 percent of esophageal squamous cell cancers in that group could be prevented.

There is some anecdotal evidence that young people treat the flushing as a cosmetic response to be countered with antihistamines while continuing to drink. Ignoring the symptom and continuing to drink is likely to increase the incidence of esophageal cancer, researchers said.

To determine risk, doctors can ask their patients two simple questions. First, do you flush after drinking a glass of beer? Second, in the first one or two years after you began drinking, did you flush after having a beer?

The second question covers the possibility that a person has become tolerant to the effect.

Dr. Brooks said that the two questions give doctors an easy way to find out if the patient is ALDH2-deficient. There is also a patch test in which an ethanol-soaked pad is applied to the skin. If it causes reddening after 10 or 15 minutes, there is a high likelihood that the person is ALDH2-deficient.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Children Love Me Part III

(PICTURE: Vietnamese school children watching me climb an old Russian satellite truck.)

My friend Sebastian is visiting me at the moment which means I get to play tour guide for the 183rd time. I took Sebastian to the Air Force Museum the other day and we happened to run into a Vietnamese Elementary School trip. The kids were way more excited by us then the old war relics. After tentatively watching us from afar, the kids mustered the courage to approach us. Actually approach isn't the right word. The kids mobbed us. While tugging on our arms the children practiced their Chapter 1 English skills:

1. What is your name?

2. How old are you?

3. Where are you from?

4. Can you speak Vietnamese?
(PICTURE: Flashing "peace" signs...although here it means "victory.")

(PICTURE: Sebastian and I were more popular than Ho Chi Minh at the musuem.)

This is my favorite picture from the day. I know it is shocking since you can't see me but what you can see is the kid apparently waving a gun on the right side. I'm curious if he stole it from the museum since guns are illegal in Vietnam.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Waxman = No Help

(PICTURE: Huyen's rejection letter.)

Last week I talked with a staffer at Congressman Waxman's office regarding Huyen's visa. The staffer sent me a form to fill out and told me to email him Huyen's documents. He also told me to call or email if I had any questions. I immediately emailed him a question and he didn't write back. I then filled out all the information and sent him the forms/documents...and he didn't write back. I then called the office and left a message. That was two days ago. No word back. So much for my congressman helping me out.

My anger has subsided a little over the last week but to be honest, I'm still pissed. It seems that nearly every day someone asks me about Huyen's visa and then tells me their own frustrating visa story. On my desk is Huyen's rejection letter which is a reminder of how impersonal the application process is. Having been brushed aside by my congressman after emailing me a standard form to fill out, I now feel like I've been given my own rejection letter. The government seems pretty good at saying, "Hey, we listened to you for a second and gave you a piece of paper. What more do you want?"

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fruit

(PICTURE: One of my local fruit vendors. Picture courtesy of Veronica.)

How many of these fruits can you name?

In Vietnam you have a few options when it comes to buying fruits and vegetables.

OPTION 1: The first option is to buy your produce at the supermarket. This is a good option if you don't mind paying twice the price for fruit that never seems totally fresh.

OPTION 2: The second option is to buy your fruit from a fruit stand. The stands always have a wide variety of fruits but the price is a tad higher than option 3.

OPTION 3: Option three is to buy fruit from the ladies (or occasional guy) who sells fruit from the baskets on the back of their bikes. The fruit here is always fresh and cheap. However, you have to deal with ladies who are often as sour as the grapefruits they're selling. There are plenty of nice fruit vendors but on occasion you get one who tries to rip you off. There's this one lady around the corner who always tries to give me more pineapple than I want so she can charge me more. The other day I told her I wanted 15,000 worth of pineapple. She agreed and then threw another pineapple into the bag and told me to give her 20,000. I said no. She said yes. I said no. She said yes. I said no and then walked away and got on my motorbike. She chased after me and grabbed me and then re-agreed to our original price. I then handed her a 20,000 bill because I didn't have change. She then tried to give me just 2,000 change. I said no and grabbed back my 20,000 bill. After proceeding to play tug-o-war for fifteen seconds she finally lamented. To me, it's not the 5,000 dong but the principal that is annoying. I always willingly let the vendors rip me off a little but when they try to take advantage of me (and laugh to their neighboring friends that they are charging me more) I get ticked. I'm now buying pineapple from the lady across the street from my old pineapple lady...she at least says she's charging me 20,000 dong from the start.