The Reality Of War

In nearly every house in Vietnam is a Buddhist shrine with pictures of relatives who have died. Ninety nine percent of the time there are pictures of someone's mother and father or grandparents. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure how it works but the basic idea is you burn incense and fruit in front of the shrine for your deceased loved ones.

On Sunday I asked Huyen if my family and I could see the upstairs of her house. She agreed and took us upstairs with her father. In the one room upstairs was a bed (which Huyen and her brother and sisters sleep in), more ceramics for sale, and a little shrine. There were two pictures hung on the wall above the shrine. One picture was of Huyen's Grandmother and the other picture was of Huyen's Uncle -- her father's brother. On the way back down the stairs Huyen's father stopped at the shrine and told us (via Huyen's translation): "This is my brother. He died fighting in the American War." Huyen's father said this with no resentment or anger; he was just telling us about his brother. In the car on the ride home, Huyen said to me, "My Uncle was very handsome. However, he died before he got married or had children."

Seeing the picture of Huyen's Uncle hit my Dad pretty hard. The next day he was still thinking about it and told me it was on his mind when I first saw him that morning. He said that he knew Americans who died in the Vietnam War, but seeing someone from the other side -- and someone's loved one -- was bothering him. As my father has said before, "Nobody wins in war."

The thought that kept crossing my mind was how amazingly forgiving people can be. Huyen's family welcomed my family into their house with open arms despite us coming from the country which killed her Uncle. I keep asking myself, "Would I be as forgiving if the roles were reversed?"

Mom and Dad Meet The Nguyens

My family and Huyen's had a great afternoon together. Huyen's mother and sister prepared a huge meal for us and could not have been more friendly. There were so many great moments during our time together but here's the top ten:

10. Upon arriving at the house my father immediately saying hello to Huyen's parents and pointing at Justin's feet and saying, "dirty." (They were dirty, as were mine, because we got sprayed by the truck we had just helped push out of a ditch). Justin then said out loud, "Has anyone told them what just happened with the stuck car or do they think you're just saying I'm a filthy animal?"

9. Watching my parents sit on the ground to eat. I can honestly say I don't think I've ever seen my parents sit on the ground to do anything.

8. My Dad's back/legs starting to hurt while sitting on the ground (see #9 above) so we moved him into a chair. He sat above everyone else like a king (I think he's practicing for his Mayor of Livingston role which is scheduled to start in January '09).

7. Trying to explain to Huyen's family that my father doesn't drink beer and that my parents can't eat grapefruit because of the medication they are on. These just aren't things that translate in Vietnamese.

6. Huyen's father playing the guitar for us while we ate.

5. Managing to not break any of the ceramic goods scattered all throughout the house. Huyen's parents sell China and their goods are stacked everywhere. Between Justin and I, I think we banged into at least a half dozen pots and luckily not one cracked.

4. The Nguyen's telling us that, "Having [us] at their house is the happiest [they've] been in a long time."

3. My father singing "The Itzy Bitsy Spider" to Huyen's nephew instead of responding to Huyen's Dad who tried multiple times to do a cheers with my Dad's coke (see #7 in regards to the Coke).

2. Huyen's family telling us that, "They always thought foreign families were not close. But now they see they are." Huyen's parents also told Huyen that they can see my parents are very kind people.

1. The Taxi Driver asking in Vietnamese in front of everyone , and translated by Huyen, "So you want to marry a Vietnamese girl?"

Mom and Dad Meet Vietnamese "Traffic"

(PICTURE: The guy in blue is our taxi driver, Minh. Standing in the same pose as the picture I posted a few days ago when he first arrived is Justin. Working the video camera is my Dad being protected from the rain by Huyen. NOT PICTURED: My mother hyperventilating in the car).

In Vietnam there are all sorts of things that stop one from having a nice fluid ride from Point A to Point B. The most common deterrent is generally the traffic. However, today, on the road to Huyen's village, my parents and I experience a new type of road delay.

As we were driving on the one lane back-country road, we came upon a little road construction. The construction crew was spreading out gravel along a road which I can only assume would eventually be flattened to make for a smooth road. However, on this day, there were a few problems:

Problem 1: A construction truck had just dumped a huge pile of rocks in the road in front of us. The pile of rocks was literally three feet high and blocking the whole road.

Problem 2: A truck was stuck in the road in front of us. it had tried to go over a small pile of rocks and had dug its wheels in pretty deep.

Just as my mother started to panic and asked for the third time, "Can we back-up?" another truck pulled up behind us and dropped another HUGE pile of rocks. We were literally now sandwiched between two giant piles of rocks.


In the end, Justin saved the day. Justin found two wooden planks and placed them under the car's tires (you can see them in the picture above). With us pushing the stuck truck, the truck was able to fly out of the ruts. All the locals who came out to watch the random Americans told Huyen, "Americans are so smart." All those times Justin has gotten caught in the snow finally paid off...

In case you missed it in the second paragraph, all this happened on the way to Huyen's city/village. That's right, The Augusts met The Nguyens. But that is a story for tomorrow...

The More The Merrier

Not only do I have Justin and my parents in town, but yesterday my friend Fabrice from Madagascar showed up. Yes, I have a friend from Madagascar. Fabrice and I met in aBudapest hostel in 2006 and became quick friends. We've kept in touch over the years and finally got to see each other again last night. Here's a picture of us drinking at a street beer stand last night:

Now that you see how we both look today, lets play the game, "Who has aged better over the last two and a half years?" Here are pictures of Fabrice and I at the Hotel Gelart in Budapest.


Okay I think Fabrice wins this one despite putting on about a dozen pounds. Clearly the last two years have been tough ones for me...

Mom and Dad Meet My Classes

It was officially "Take Your Parents To School Day" in Vietnam yesterday. Mom and Dad swung by Language Link and got to see the school and meet a whole bunch of my students.

Luckily for my parents, yesterday was the best day of the semester for my classes -- the day after final exams. As I've mentioned before, teachers always go out with their students during the last class. My first class went to dinner together and ate hot pot. Here's a video:




My next class went out to a cafe and had coffee. Here are some of the highlights from the night:
1. My students telling me that, "Your father is more handsome than you."
2. My students all agreeing that, "You don't look like your family."
3. Receiving three more gifts from students including this awesome hand knit scarf that reads, "Happy Time. We Do Miss U!"
It was made Phuong, one of my favorite students:














4. Being invited to my first Vietnamese wedding on November 20th...which is also coincidentally Vietnamese teacher day.

5. One of my students asking me what my Dad's name was. I said, "Buddy" and he looked shocked. He said, "Really? Like friend or pal? That's cool!"

At the end of the night we took a class picture.

GREAT NEWS!!!

I've got great news for everyone: This afternoon I got an email from Hayden. He wrote:

Ben

Your a top bloke.

I just got out of hospital today and will recover for a while on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland.

Hope all is well with you and thanks for your kind email.

Hayden

I wrote Hayden back and told him that dozens of you sent me emails wishing him well. It was a great sight seeing Hayden's name pop up in my inbox. Thank you again to everyone for keeping Hayden in your thoughts!

Mom and Dad Meet Huyen

Probably the worst time to introduce your girlfriend to your parents is right after they've flown for twenty four hours and sit down in comfortable chairs for the first time. My parents were both zonked out when Huyen came in. Here are my favorite parts of this video:

1. Huyen asking what my parents' names are and not knowing my last name. (Truth check: she knows my full name but later was confused on why you call someone's parents Mr. and Mrs. because it's, "Too formal.")

2. My parents not getting up. In their defense they fell asleep about two seconds after we left the room.

3. My annoying nervous laughter. I must get it from my sister.

4. The occasional glances of my cousin Justin smiling in the background.




Huyen invited my parents for coffee later in the day when she finished work and I was still at work. Prior to meeting up with Huyen my Dad took a pain killer pill (I'm pretty sure for his ailing back and not because she's a goy) and promtly fell asleep at the cafe while dripping with sweat. Literally my mother had to push him back in his chair since he started to fall out of it while off in sleepy-land. This scared the hell out of Huyen who keeps texting/asking me how my Dad is feeling.

When I finished work, Mom, Huyen, Justin, Ryan and I all went to dinner. A little more awake, Mom and Huyen seemed to be bonding: