A Not So Sweet Reminder Of Sweet Times

I just cleaned off the clothes line and one article of clothing was left: Steve Song's dirty undies (sure they must be clean since they were obviously washed but come on, they're still dirty).

Incidentally, that white building on the right side is the Dutch Embassy. While taking the photo someone looked at me from the window. Yeah, I'm now just waiting for my front door to be knocked down by Vietnamese police. Anything for the blog...

Epiphany

(PICTURE: My days at Hebrew School. That's me third on the right side wearing a skull cap)

I had an epiphany last night while I was teaching my teenage pre-intermediate 1 class: I'm Teaching Hebrew School!

Well, I'm at least teaching the Vietnamese equivalent of Hebrew School. Here are the simple facts:
1. I'm teaching middle to upper class kids
2. These kids, for the most part, don't want to be at school in their limited free time.
3. Their parents don't care what their kids want and make them go to English School.
4. Every other kid's last name is Levy or Goldberg.

English Contest

(PICTURE: A sign advertising an English contest)

This sign caught my attention yesterday and since I haven't posted a funny sign in a while I thought, "hey this is great for the blog."

This sign was posted at Huyen's University advertising an English contest. Call me crazy but the English Club sponsoring an English contest should have probably had someone proofread their banners. My two favorite lines are:

1. "Wanna feel your English inside?"
2. "Experience true English!!!"

TWINS!!!

It's official: We had twins!!!! Don't they look just like their daddy?

Alright, alright, Mom, don't freak out: Huyen and I aren't even close to the baby-making stage....but I've been lazy with the camera (sorry, Steve) and had this picture.

Yesterday I went to pick up Huyen to take her to a quick dinner since she was studying for her FINALS. As I pulled into her COLLEGE and drove up to her DORM right outside of the UNIVERSITY QUAD the thought struck me: I'm dating a college girl.

Then another thought struck me: I'm totally awesome!

Then another thought struck me: I'm kind of like all those old creepy guys who date young girls out here (although they are generally around 25+ years older than their girlfriends).

Then another thought struck me: OW! This thought hurt...because it wasn't a thought that struck me. It was Huyen. She was punching me saying, "I kill you!!!" No, she wasn't mad. That's just how she says hi.

My Nightmare Class

This was my nightmare class. Don't be fooled, these little kids were/are devils. Thank goodness it's done.

The 7th Sign Of The Apocalypse

(Brad and Kari on the first day of the rest of their lives togther.)

Congratulations to Brad and Kari who got engaged on Sunday! For the rest of us, I'm sorry. The world is clearly coming to an end. If you had told any LHS graduate in '97 that Brad would be one of the first to get married from our group of friends we would all have agreed that it would be a sign of the Apocalypse. However, Brad is officially engaged...to a girl...and a fantastic girl.

For those of you who read my blog and don't know Brad, he's one of my oldest and best friends. I basically taught him everything in life except how to have a committed relationship. He clearly learned that from someone else. And, I guess he taught himself school stuff too since he's always been exponentially smarter than me. Actually perhaps the only thing I ever taught him was how to use the internet....although I learned how to use the internet on his computer while I used to house sit his cats (also where I learned to despise cats...which Brad loves. Shoot, I haven't taught Brad anything).

Anyway, If you're wondering how this relates to my travel blog, well, I guess it means I'll officially be coming home at some point now since I have to go to the wedding. I'm pretty certain my parents are bribing Brad to have the wedding as soon as possible...

My Second Encounter With The Police

(PICTURE: My first encounter with the police about a month ago in Da Nang)

Technically if you drive a motorbike out here you're supposed to have a Vietnamese driver's license. But come on, nobody does that. It doesn't really matter unless you get pulled over by the cops...which I've been told happens a lot to foreigners. However, even in those cases you just need to slip the cop some cash and be on your way. Ironically the other day while I was with Huyen I asked why some cops had just pulled over a few drivers. She told me that they had driven through a red and were going to get a ticket. Driving through red lights is something people do here. It's second nature to them. Literally you can wait at any traffic light and count the seconds after a light turns red that cars/buses/bikes still go through the intersection. On average I'd say it's "Three Mississippi." Although, I once actually counted to "5 Mississippi" and drivers were still shooting through the red. Huyen commented to me that she got a ticket last year for going through a red and I replied, "I'm not worried about that happening to me since I always follow the law."

Of course one of the rules in life is if you say something the opposite will soon happen. And of course, that happened yesterday morning. I was driving to Language Link at 7AM when I made a right on a red light. Like in NYC, apparently it's illegal. In a case of perfect timing, a cop was standing ten feet away in the street. He blew his whistle at me and waved his night stick at my face signaling for me to pull over. He started ranting at me in angry Vietnamese and all I could think was, "How much am I gonna have to pay this guy?" (For those LA friends, this is similar to our trip to Mexico when we had to pay off the cop because I ran over the curb with our RV). Anyway, I don't know what struck me but I had a moment of pure inspiration. I looked at the cop, opened my eyes wide and made the worst grimace I could possibly make. I grunted out, "My stomach. My stomach" and winced like I was about to poop my pants. The cop just looked at me and began yelling even more and making motions with his stick. Once again I winced and pointed at my stomach. This time I added, "I teacher. My stomach. School. There (I pointed down the street). I teacher. My stomach. Ughhhh." I gave one more painful look at the cop and then he miraculously waved me off. Yeah, I got off free! That's right, my luck is turning!!!

Now I know some of you are saying to yourself, "I didn't know you were such a good actor, Ben." Well, don't be so shocked. I am the same person who was once called in to an audition after Steven Spielberg himself saw me in my friend Sam's short film. For those of you not familiar with this story I'll give you the ending: I blew the audition. Yeah, I'm basically only good at acting like I've got diarrhea*.

* The truth is, if you read my previous blog, I was only half acting.